"People" magazine has named Matthew McConaughey this year's "Sexiest Man Alive." In addition to the usual cover story, they've put out this congratulatory announcement.
Announcer:

"'People' magazine is proud to announce this year's sexiest man alive: Matthew McConaughey. Congratulations, Matthew, and we're confident you'll age just as gracefully as previous honorees:
Mel Gibson (split screen of Mel on 1985 "People" cover and photo of a non-flattering, heavily bearded Mel Gibson.)
Nick Nolte (split screen of Nick on 1992 "People" cover and photo of his famous mug shot)
And Alan Greenspan. (split screen of fake 1946 "People" cover of strapping shirtless body builder and photo of current Alan Greenspan.)
Way to go, Matthew, and don't forget to stay sexy!"

The Sexiest Man Alive issue of "People" doesn't come out until tomorrow, but Dave did see this today. It's the National Geographic's "Sexiest Manatee Alive" issue. Very odd, but it sells magazines so why not?

And now, "A Quiet Moment with Fidel Castro." We see Mr. Castro silently making a speech while making a familiar pumping gesture with his fist over and over again.

And we found something involving Dick Cheney. From a recent speech, it's V.P. Cheney saying "As most of you know / I am / one of the most dishonest and reprehensible / people / in Washington."

BOB COMPETES AT A DEMOLITION DERBY - Writers assistant Bob Borden spent a couple days down at the Allen County Fairgrounds in Scottsville, Kentucky and took part in the "King of the Bluegrass Demolition Derby." Bob hopped a ride in a 1975 Chevrolet Monte Carlo. How did it go? Bob tells Dave he was stiff for two days afterwards. Dave says, "Well, I understand you were excited . . ." We see Bob's day at the Demo Derby.
-he has a good chance of catching on fire
-any shot of winning? "NO"
-The south's elite attend. And there's the King of the Bluegrass Derby.
-Only the finest protection - a homemade foam rubber body armor. Where did they get it? From the foam rubber in the passenger seat.
-Things don't start out too well as Bob has to battle just getting into the car.
-Bob signs in at the registration booth: "What are my chances of winning?" Answer: "Buddy, you're gonna get your butt kicked."
-"My name is Bob Borden from Hoboken, New Jersey and I'm here to kick all your asses."
-We see Bobby in battle at the Demo Derby. He doesn't win.
-Afterwards, he invites everyone back to his hotel room to watch him demolish the mini-bar.
Nice job, Bobby Borden. If you want to get the first hand scoop on what it's like to participate in a demolition derby, check out Bob's website at www.bobborden.com, where it's all Bob all the time . . . but don't let that stop you.

TOP TEN: SIGNS THERE'S GLOBAL WARMING - And to present tonight's Top Ten list, two-time Academy Award-winning actor, Tom Hanks.
We find Tom, live via satellite, in Las Vegas, Nevada.
You can see Tom in the "Earth to America" comedy special to raise environmental awareness. It airs on TBS this Sunday night, November 20th, at 8:00 PM.

SIGNS THERE'S GLOBAL WARMING.
#10. I just bought ocean front property in Topeka, Kansas.
#9. Glaciers are receding faster than Letterman's hairline.
#7. No matter what you teach them, parrots only say, "I'm sweating my nuts off."
#3. Average temperatures have risen one degree over the last one hundred years . . . (looking around for someone to yell at). . . one degree? That's what this is all about?! One degree?
#2. Ted William's head just woke up asking for iced tea.

HOWARD STERN: His last show on terrestrial radio: December 16th. His first show on Sirius Satellite radio: January 9th. I'm a fan of Howard's but haven't yet bought the Sirius. Will I? I still don't know. I'm very cheap when it comes to me and don't know if I'm willing to cough up the $12 a month. As we get closer to January 9th, I have a feeling the build-up will be too great to resist.
With all the limitations that have been placed on Howard and his radio program, he admits he hasn't been putting out the best he can do. Dave says, "Hey, join the club." Howard believes since he's the #1 guy in radio, he's the guy the FCC went after. If they could silence Howard, the others would follow without a fight. Howard fought back but, unfortunately, he fought back alone. The big corporations that own so much of today's radio business did not challenge the FCC. Howard went at it alone and without that big needed support from the owners, Howard was able to see the writing on the wall. There was no future for the type of show he wanted to put out on terrestrial radio. Now that he's signed up with Sirius, Howard proclaims "My greatness will return!" Howard will have 2 full channels of his own which he will fill with his ideas and vision. He says he hasn't been this stoked or jazzed about the radio business in years.

"60 Minutes" interviewed and followed Howard over a few days (weeks?) for a future segment. Ed Bradley was assigned to cover Howard and Howards's main fear was he would cry during an interview. Nothing could be worse, in his opinion, but "60 Minutes" has that power to make people cry. During one interview, Ed Bradley asked, "Are you good to work for?" Howard responded that if anything, he hadn't thanked his staff enough over the years. And then he started to feel himself fill up. Uh oh. Thankfully, Howard caught himself in time and prevented the opportunity for others to laugh and ridicule him for years. But I liked his answer. Loved his answer.

What got Howard interested in radio? Howard remembers lying in bed years ago listening to the Brad Crandell radio show. A caller would ask how to fix his screen door and Brad would have the answer. The next caller would say he was breaking up with his wife, and Brad Crandell would have the answer to that. The guy knew everything. Then one day, Howard saw a picture of Brad Crandell. The guy was a big fat slob smoking a cigar. Howard wondered, "If this guy knows everything, why doesn't he take his own advice and to on a diet?" That's when it hit Howard: To be a success in radio, be a big pompous as and have an answer for everything. I think that works in everything, not just radio. I got the fat guy smoking a cigar part down, now I just have to start acting like I know everything.
Dave asks Howard about Regis. The two live in the same building. Howard says Regis is always going like 100 mph at a frantic pace. Howard likes the guy but there is one thing he doesn't like: he walks around wearing a tank top at the gym. Nobody wants to see that. Dave says Howard and Regis have something in common: They are both master communicators. Howard says, "I was hoping you'd say I was better." And just for this show, Dave will allow that.

Howard was suspended for one day last week. He was talking too much about his move to satellite radio and the management thought it needed to be toned down. Howard was suspended for one day, on Election Day, which I thought was an interesting twist, being suspended on Election Day for something you said. His boss called Howard into his office and told him, "I have horrible news for you. You're being suspended." Howard was shocked. It sounded like high school. Howard asked, "Suspended? For how long?"
Management: "One day."
Howard: "Will I be paid?"
Management: "Yes."
Howard says his reaction was, "Wow, I'm in hell!" Howard was paid for not coming to work. He went out to lunch with his girlfriend, he relaxed at home, it was great. This reminded me of my goal every summer: To somehow get suspended for a month with pay.

Howard Stern. Always entertaining; passionate in what he does. I've always been amazed that he's on 4-5 hours every day and always have something to say. That's a heck of a lot of hours to fill up during the week. Parts of his show didn't appeal to me, so guess what? I turned the station and listen to something else. 20 minutes later I'd return. But after December 16th when I turn the dial, I won't be able to "return." Sirius Radio . . . I think I'm gonna do it.

ACT 4: This is something we tried recently and it's been a great success. We're giving Late Show staffers time to publicly air any complaints or grievances they may have and we then try to work together to resolve the issue. We call it "Staff Complaint Forum."
We see center stage a slew of Late Show staffers all with something to say. One steps up to the microphone.
Staffer: "Dave, I want to let you know how bad morale is in the talent research department. We work incredibly long . . ." BANG! The staffer's been shot in the chest and collapses to the ground. The other staffer scurry in fright.
Music and graphic, with announce: "This has been Staff Complaint Forum, an ongoing attempt to resolve issues and grievances of Late Show employees. Thanks to all staffers who participated." $$$

ACT 5: "It's time for the answer to last week's Late Show Celebrity Mustache Challenge. We showed you this famous mustache and asked which Hollywood superstar it belongs to." (photo of a bushy, handlebar nustache)
"Did you know the answer? If you said Leonardo DiCaprio, you're right!"
(photo of Leonardo DiCaprio in the bushy, handlebar mustache)
"Congratulations! This has been the Late Show Celebrity Mustache Challenge. Tell your friends."

PHARRELL: The Grammy Award-winning producer will have his debut solo CD in stores December 13th. The CD is called, "In My Mind." Pharrell performs, "Can I Have It Like That."

And that was our show for Thursday, November 17, 2005. Wahoo EXTRA!

I listened to Howard's show Friday morning to hear his recap of his visit to the show. I probably missed most of it, but I did hear Howard and the crew talk about the behind-the-scenes issues of money and salaries throughout their radio careers. Wow. That was some interesting radio. For the first time ever I stayed with the show even during the commercials, fearing I would miss a minute or two while listening to another station as I waited for his commercials to conclude. He has 16 shows left on regular radio. His radio show broadcasts right around the block. I think I'll take a walk over there on the 16th. Think it'll be a madhouse? I'm pretty sure it will. I'll go, look, then run back here. I'm 47. I don't like the raucous as much as I once did.

Here's something I don't see every day. I was walking through Times Square this morning and I heard two people speaking English.

I'm not sure about this. Jennfer Aniston was named "Woman of the Year" by GQ magazine by showing "poise, grace, and good humor during her breakup" with Brad Pitt this year. Sounds like she won the honor for taking the breakup like a man. Do you wanna be next year's GQ Woman of the Year? Then don't bug your boyfriend when he dumps you for another.

Hey, horseracing fans, Letterman's Humor is running the 10th race at the Calder Race Course in Miami, Florida this Saturday the 19th. Letterman's Humor will be the #4 horse and be ridden by Joe Bravo over the 1 1/16 mile dirt track. Get your money down now. You can put your winnings towards the holidays.

I checked out the King of the Bluegrass Demolition Derby website. You can buy the 2005 King of the Bluegrass Demolition Derby DVD for $16.75, which includes shipping and handling. Just send a check or money order to:
Allen County Jaycees
PO Box 665
Scottsville, Kentucky 42164
They will hold any personal check for 2 weeks before shipping the DVD.