During the pre-show Q&A, a young lady in front said to Dave she has a crush on Rupert. She suggested a game of "Spin the Bottle" with Rupert might be fun. Dave checked with the legal department: there will be no "Spin the Bottle" tonight.

It's Tuesday night and he head outside. Instead of going over to Rupert's, we find Biff outside on Broadway underneath the LATE SHOW Marquee. Dave mentions that a woman in the audience wants to play "Spin the Bottle" with Rupert. Biff says he feels sorry for her and is glad he isn't in her shoes.

What are we going to do today? Well, last Sunday here in New York City, 6 subway passengers were arrested for taking their pants off. They claimed they were conducting a social experiment. Apparently, they were creating a disturbance and it turns out it is against the law to ride the subway without any pants. Tonight, we want to find out what the policy is about riding pantsless in a taxi cab. Biff stops one man as he walks by. Biff asks, "Would you take off your pants for us?" Or something like that. It may have been closer to, "Would you like to take a pantsless cab ride." Take your pick. The elderly gentleman is quick to say, "No." Before he goes away, he does compliment Dave on his appearance with Bill O'Reilly last week. The man moves on.

Dave wants to try the next guy. This time a younger fellow is stopped. His name is Sean Bradley of Bethlehem, New York. He wants to be a TV star someday. Would this future TV star be willing to take off his pants and go for a ride in a taxi cab? Why of course he would. He wants to be a TV star! The lad quickly drops his trousers and Biff calls for a cab. A cab rolls up and Sean in his red boxers hops in the cab. His pants lay alone on Broadway. And away he goes, a TV star in the making.

Gee, that was easy. A bit too easy.

For our 2,500th show, Dave received a lovely fruit basket earlier today. He shows the card to the camera so we could all read: "Dave, Here's to 2,500 more! - Kim Jong Il."
And of course, you know his brother, "Mental Lee Il."

When you reach a milestone like your 2,500 show, you can't help but be reflective, and we are no exception. We went around to the staff to find out their memories of those first 2,500 episodes. First we hear from Technical Maintenance Supervisor, Gary Mintz.
We see Gary in his office: "About five years ago the show was about to begin and I noticed one of the inputs in the CMX was loose. I turned to the other guys and said, 'If that baby comes out, we ain't gonna be seen in Omaha.' Oh, we had a laugh."

Benjamin Franklin celebrated his 300th birthday last week . . . or would have if he were still alive. Dave was watching a Benjamin Franklin documentary on the History Channel and was amazed at how much he accomplished in his life. We see a promo from the History Channel:

Announcer: "Working to forge a new nation was only one of Franklin's contributions to mankind. He was also the inventor of bifocals, the odometer, the iron furnace stove, the self-cleaning oven, the double beer can helmet, Pop-Tarts, "Just for Men" beard coloring gel, that singing fish you hang on a wall, that plastic think that protects pizza from the top of the box, the Starbucks heat sleeve, and edible, self-heating body mousse. We'll be back after these messages."

ALAN KALTER'S SPICY SUPER BOWL RECIPES: The Super Bowl is coming up, so we decided to debut this new segment entitled, "Alan Kalter's Spicy Super Bowl Recipes." We find Alan by his perch standing in front of a demo table. On the table are various ingredients he will use to make a spicy Super Bowl Recipe.

Alan: "Hi, friends. Why not spice up this years' Super Bowl party with Alan's very own zesty Super Bowl guacamole!" (somehow, this got applause) "It's simple! All you need are four Hass avocados, two medium sized tomatoes, a red onion, lime juice, and kosher salt. Simply mash the avocados until smooth, but still a bit chunky. Then add the remaining ingredients to taste. Chill and serve, but by no means should you invite Alan to your precious little party. No, it's okay, (Alan's cheerful attitude begins to turns) I'll be fine at home watching the game with my mother and her 90-year-old next door neighbor, Olivia, gnawing on week-old chicken that's pink on the inside because Olivia's eyesight is about as good as her hearing. You mean-spirited little punks think I don't know everyone on the staff will be at the party? You think I don't know what you jerks say about me? 'Oooh, Alan's too creepy. Alan does naked Tai-Chi in this office. Alan was caught with his pants off doing something strange with the copier!' FOR THE LAST IME, THREE WAS A PAPER JAM! Oh, what's the use?!" Alan throws everything off the table, landing on many sitting in the front row. Alan cries out in pain, "Why doesn't anyone understand me? Why? WHY?"
Alan moans and groans as he exits out the back of the audience. Once in the lobby he falls in a heap, unable to move, his grief so great.
Announce: "This has been 'Alan Kalter's Spicy Super Bowl Recipes!' Back to you, Dave."

EMMA THOMPSON: She's a two-time Academy Award winner. And she has gifts for Dave. She just got off the plane and presents Dave with a hanky, a band-aid, and a box of suppositories. How thoughtful. It truly is a festive 2,500th show.
Emma hasn't been here in 8 years and has had a child in that time, now a mom of a 6-year-old. She is still learning every day on how to be a mom, admitting at times she has no idea what she is doing. One thing she needs to work on is her disciplining. Emma finds herself at times weeping on the floor, crying to her daughter, "I don't know how to discipline you!" At times like this, her daughter has come to her, giving her a hanky, and suggesting "Let's play cards." Playing cards is a nice way to discipline, I find. Emma has also taught her daughter to make Bloody Marys. Whenever her daughter starts to becomes too much, Emma orders up a Bloody Mary and things soon calm down. Her daughter knows just how she likes it.
Nanny McPhee opens Friday, a film Emma wrote and stars in, based on a series of "Nurse Matilda" children’s' books by Christina Brown in the 1960s. During the filming of "Nanny McPhee," Emma had to throw a pie at Angela Lansbury. Well now, Angela's a senior and a big big star. Emma was a little apprehensive over throwing a pie at Ms. Lansbury but after a bit of practice, became quite adept at the task. And Dave just so happens to have a cream pie behind the desk. None of us was quite sure where this was going to go. Dave offers Emma a pie and wants her to demonstrate her new found expertise. She is game, but at whom will she throw the pie. Dave positions himself so it becomes obvious that he will become the target. Wow! Cool! Emma gladly accepts the invitation. Emma stands off to the side of Dave behind the desk and lets the pie fly. The pie skims the side of Dave's head, maybe one-fourth making contact. Not too bad, considering the distance. But Dave has another pie. He looks for an easy mark. Of course, there is no better mark than Alan Kalter. Dave walks up to Alan and shoves the cream pie in Alan's face. Alan is not too pleased. First he discovers he's not invited to the LATE SHOW Super Bowl Party, then he gets a face full of pie. Dave finds another pie and walks over to Paul. Instead of throwing it at Paul, he hands it to the music director. Paul has the freedom to "pie" anyone he wishes. Paul selects himself and buries his face into the pie. Dave has another pie. Who is next? How could we not see this one coming? Dave walks over to Tony Cue Cards and shoves the pie in the Cuban's mug. And now Dave has one last pie. Who is next? Who is next? Well, if you only have only one pie left and there is a two-time Academy Award winner sitting next to you, it's the two-time Academy Award winner who gets it. Emma Thompson gets the pie.
Pie for everyone! You can't go wrong with pie.

Oh, Emma won her Academy Awards for Best Actress in Howard's End and one for writing, Best Adapted Screenplay for Sense and Sensibility.

FRANK CALIENDO: He's on FOX's Mad-TV and one of those Sunday football pre-game shows, the one with Terry Bradshaw. I'm guessing that one is also on FOX. Frank is a master impressionist and Dave was looking forward to Frank doing 6 minutes of John Madden. You could hear Dave give a yelp when Frank came out to do his stand-up and started right in with John Madden. Most impressionist do a great voice and that's the bit; just the voice. Nothing funny, just the voice. Frank was able to do both. I've never seen his John Madden before but he really got it down right. Very funny.
From there he did Al Pacino. He can make anything sound scary.
George Bush: it always looks as if he's looking into the sun.
And Bill Clinton: could talk his way out of everything. He could say to your face, "I am not here," and you would end up believing him.
Very funny 6 minutes.

ACT 5: LATE SHOW STAFFER MEMORIES: Pat Farmer - Stagehand: "This place has sucked the life out of me."

BETH ORTON: From her CD, Comfort of Strangers, Beth Orton performed "Conceived." I like her sound. A bit of Woodstock/"Beautiful People"/Melanie-like. And that was our show for Tuesday January 24, 2006. Wahoo EXTRA!

And now my pantsless on Broadway story. Relax . . . it was for the show. It was one of these LIVE pieces we do, sort of like an experiment. I was dressed as a New York Met. Fellow staffer Jeff Boggs was dressed as a New York Yankee . . . or vice versa, doesn't matter. Neither of us had pants on. We just had the jersey, a hat, and shoes. We were sent out to Broadway. The question: Who would get picked up by a taxi first? A pantsless Met fan or a pantsless Yankee fan?
I could tell Jeff was a bit nervous to do this bit. Heck, the kid was from a small town in Indiana. He was afraid what could transpire from a guy walking in Times Square without pants. I told him not to worry. Nothing would happen. I also offered the advice, "Remember, you're not going to be pantsless . . . . you're only 'playing' somebody who is pantsless." That seemed to calm him down a bit.
So we were sent out to Broadway; he on the west side of the street, me on the east side of the street. When the cameras went on, we dropped our robes and started hailing a cab. Within seconds, a yellow cab stopped to pick me up. I hop in and tell the cabby to drive south to 51st Street. The cab driver is all excited. He looks in the rearview mirror and exclaims, "Did you see that guy across the street? He didn't have any pants on!" I tell him, "And I don't have any pants on either." He slams on the brakes, "What? You don't have any pants on?!" I yell to him "keep going, keep going." At 51st Street he pulls over to let me out. "Now what," I wonder. I look out the back window and see wardrobe designer Sue Hum running after my cab with a robe. I wait for her to get to the cab before I get out.
And that's my story of being pantsless on Broadway.
I've also been pantsless at the corner of 53rd and 8th Avenue dressed as a cop directing traffic. And I've been pantsless at a bus stop on 10th Ave. All for the show, of course.

Here's a game to play during the Tuesday night programs. Tuesday we usually go outside the theater to do something, most times to Rupert's. We also have an ACT 5 audience shot prepared. The ACT 5 is the short bit before music or the last guest, often an Alan announce over the panning audience shot while Paul and the band play. On Tuesdays, we like to incorporate what we did early in the show into the ACT 5. If Rupert had a contestant guessing what's under his robe in the ACT 1, in the ACT 5 we may have Rupert and the contestant and the models sitting in the deli snacking on the deli platter. This shot is decided during the show. We dump what we had written and planned for the ACT 5 and go with something reflecting what happened earlier in the show. Now that you know, on Tuesdays you can play along at home and try to match what we come up with for the ACT 5. Last night's show had 4 ACT 5s ready to go. We had a written piece having nothing to do with what happened earlier in the show. When Dave mentioned the woman in the audience wanting to play "Spin the Bottle" with Rupert, it was suggested that could be the ACT 5. Then it was suggested that at the table would be Rupert, the girl from the audience, the models, and the pantsless kid playing Spin the Bottle.
As the show went on, it was switched to Rupert in rubber gloves with a bottle of 409 scrubbing down the deli.
It was also suggested that Frank Caliendo could try to get a cab without pants on.
And then it was switched to a montage of pie throwing from Emma's segment.
And then at the last second it was switched to Pat Farmer's LATE SHOW Staffer Memory, something we had planned to use during the show.
Each one of these ideas was put in motion.

New York Knicks President of Basketball Operations, Isiah Thomas, has been charged with sexual harassment by a former Knick executive.
My Prediction: The Knicks will trade for the controversial Ron Artest to divert attention.

Oh, about that Wendy's lady who was imprisoned for 9 years after claiming she found a finger in the chili . . . I wondered why her husband received 12 years. Apparently, the husband had other charges against him at the time. I was hoping to create something there, but there was nothing there. Thanks to all who wrote.

Bob Borden Alert! Bob Borden Alert! Bob will be on Guiding Light Thursday, January 26th. He will be playing a delivery guy with a special package for Harley. You won't want to miss it. Check out Bob's website, www.bobborden.com, where it's All Bob All the Time . . . but don't let that stop you. I'm sure he'll have something to say about it.

For those keeping score at home:
LATE SHOW: 2,500
Emily's Reasons Why Not: 1