On the show, Paul and Paul, Jr. Teutul. Dave loves their show on the Discovery Channel, "American Chopper." It's a bunch of guys in a garage in upstate New York who build motorcycles. And they don't possess the delicacy of gentlemanly manners. But they are creative, artistic, and great at what they do. Dave says it's the best thing on television and besides "American Chopper," the only other thing they show on the Discovery Channel is giant engineering projects in the Netherlands. Mostly working on "giant dykes." And all night tonight, we have Mikey Teutul in the lobby who will be bending pipe. We take a look at Mikey in the lobby. He is standing alongside the pipe bender. What kind of machine is it? Mikey looks down at it and says, "It's . . . it's . . . a pipe bender." I laughed, because one look at it and anyone could tell it's an Ercolina. Mikey says he just learned how to use it. Dave asks, "Ever work on a giant dyke?" Mikey laughs and says, "Once," then mutters, "It was not pretty."

And that's not all we have tonight. In the past we have had Biff's face replicated in an ice sculpture, tattooed on someone's leg, made out of legos, and made out in dominoes. Tonight, Biff will have his face replicated in a 50-pound block of cheese. We meet Biff with Troy Landwehr of Appleton, Wisconsin. He's been carving cheese for 17 years now; something he does at festivals and store openings. And what kind of cheese will Troy be carving? "Wisconsin cheddar" says Troy. I laughed, because one look at the block of cheese and anyone could tell it's a block of colored Cheddar from Henning Cheese in Kiel, Wisconsin. Troy quickly gets to work on the block of cheese as he takes a good look at Biff. We will come back later.

Have you seen the new Apple iPod. Why can't they leave good enough alone? They are always tinkering with another iPod. And this one is the tiniest one yet. Dave holds it up for all to see. And get this, it's so small . . . . . it holds no songs. Odd.

And Prince Charles' diaries are in the news. A trial is being held in London over whether a publisher had a right to print Prince Charles' diaries. There is a lot the heir to the throne wanted to keep quiet, and one look at one of his diaries makes it obvious why.
Dave holds up a pink, girlish diary covered with flowers and cutesy things. Inside there are several cut-outs of hunky men. Oh, that Charlie!

It happens all the time; companies trying to capitalize on the latest trends. There is now a Palestinian brewery that is launching a new Hamas beer. Dave got hold of one of the commercials for the Hamas beer.
Announcer:

"Hey, Palestinians! Taybeh Brewing Company is pleased to introduce new Hamas beer; a delicious beverage made from the finest malted barley and the choicest hops. Hamas beer is smooth, refreshing and great for quenching your thirst after a long day of angry ranting. And when you're finished, pop in a gas-soaked rag and you've got yourself a Molotov cocktail. Hamas beer - remember: Riot Responsibly."

We then check in with Troy the cheese carver, calling him Troy Underwear rather than the correct Troy Landwehr. Oops. He is well on his way to capturing Biff in a Wisconsin Cheddar. Does Troy make a good living doing this? Troy says it's more of a side business. He also owns a winery producing fruit wines. Dave sizes it up and says, "So you're really just making punch."

When we return from commercial, Paul is playing "Looking for Love" by the J. Giels Band. Dave likes.

Dave billboards what we have on the show tonight: "We have a guy bending pipe in the lobby; a guy carving a block of cheese in the green room; and later we're going to Grossingers for barrel jumping." I enjoyed the local humor. Paul jumps in, "Maybe I'll meet someone!" Good one, Paul. Grossingers is a hotel/resort area up in the Catskills which was very popular back when it was popular. Many meetings and greetings and romantic relationships and marriages got their start at Grossingers.

STEPHANIE AT THE OLYMPICS: We find Stephanie on a balcony. In the background we see the Olympic flame burning bright. Dave is correct when he says it looks like an oil refinery one can see when driving down the New Jersey Turnpike. Once again, Dave is right on the money. I laugh at the obvious reference that I did not see. What's the weather like in Torino? Stephanie says it is 9.5 Celsius. I quickly do my arithmetic and find that 9.5 Celsius comes to 48.3 Fahrenheit. Paul's guess of 38-40 was a bit low. Dave later gets information that 9.5C equals 49 degrees.
What did Stephanie do today? She spent the day with Gold medal winner in the Alpine Skiing Men's Combined, Ted Ligety.
And what did she do afterwards? She read the newspaper. We see Stephanie looking over the shoulder of an elderly gentleman reading the newspaper up to the point where she got really annoying.
Anything else? She challenged a guy from Holland to a race.
And she met Italy's Mr. 6. The guy looked like that Six Flags guy who does the crazy dance.

Back from commercial:
Dave: "We got cheese carving, pipe bending, now we're going to Acapulco for cave diving."
Somewhere during the show, we see a sample of Mikey's work. He's bent pipe to the shape of Dave's initials: DL. What a talent!

PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN: He's Capote. Philip comes out not at all dressed as I would expect a Truman Capote to dress: jeans and an old flannel shirt. To tell you the truth, I don't know much about Truman Capote. Maybe he did dress like this, but it's not the way I picture it. Hoffman is up for an Academy Award for his Capote performance. As a nominee, he was invited to an Academy Award luncheon where he got to meet other nominees. He says it was neat to meet the other actors, plus he got a cool Academy Award Nominee sweatshirt. So I guess not only is it an honor to be nominated, you get a sweatshirt, too.
Philip found it a bit difficult to get to "know" Truman Capote for the role. He describes Capote as an elusive character. Just when you thought you "found" him, he would become something else. From the clip we saw the other day with Catherine Keener had made me want to see the film. Since I don't see too many movies, having only seen "Chicken Little" this year, I base my Academy Award picks based on the clips I see on our show. I'm rooting for Philip Seymour Hoffman. I found him magnificent in the 30-second clip. Another reason to root for Hoffman is because many years ago when he was just starting out, he and his friends made a pact that if any of them won an Academy Award, they would have to bark their acceptance speech. That's right, bark like a dog. And the victor would have to continue barking until they were forced off the stage. Now that's worth rooting for!

Philip reveals a little glimpse into what it's like to go out on a date with Amy Sedaris. Yes, he once went out on a date with Amy Sedaris. They played a game. Philip was blindfolded and he had to guess what Amy was doing. All he had to rely on was his sense of hearing. So he was blindfolded and heard moving back and forth, shoes put on, shoes put off, dressing, undressing, dressing, lots of walking back and forth, etc. Philip had no idea. So what was Amy doing? She said, "I was a very nervous woman getting ready for a date and I'm running late."
I was once on a date like that. Same game. I was blindfolded. When I took the blindfold off, she was gone.
I really enjoyed Philip Seymour Hoffman. Good guest.

Everyone is still talking about Vice President Cheney's hunting accident. Our stagehand Pat Farmer recently had a hunting mishap himself. Dave asks Pat to tell the story. Pat rubs his chin and remembers back as if it were just yesterday. We see a clip, with narration from Pat. We see Pat getting dressed and getting his gear together and drive off for a day of hunting. We then see him in the wilderness taking aim.
Pat: "A few weeks back, I went on a hunting trip. I got all my gear together, suited up, and set out on what was sure to be an exhilarating day in the wild. When I arrived, I surveyed the grounds and carefully selected a worthy target. Silently, I stalked my prey, patiently waiting, until the moment came to take my shot."
We see Pat raise his gun and aim. He fires at his target. The camera widens to reveal that Pat is in a pet store and has fired at a fish aquarium. The aquarium shatters. The police are called and Pat is led away.

ACT 5: It's Troy Landwehr hard at work on the Wisconsin Cheddar to make it look like Biff. How does he do that? I'm not sure but I think he looks at the original block of cheese and then cuts away everything that doesn't look like Biff.

THE TEUTUL'S: Paul and Paul, Jr. - from the Discovery Channel's "American Chopper." I missed most of the segment. I heard Dave asking about a lot of the guys on the show. What was I doing? I got a couple foot-ling sticks of cheese from the Green Room and ran them up to Mikey in the lobby. I was anticipating Dave wanting to bend some cheese. It didn't happen, but I was ready if he called for it. "American Chopper" - on the Discovery Channel, Mondays at 10:00 PM.

And that was our show for Wednesday, February 22, 2006. Wahoo EXTRA!

This just in: The Bush Administration just hired Keith Richard to head the DEA.

Prince Charles' diaries are in the news. I wasn't surprised when I read about this entry:
"Went to see 'Brokeback Mountain' . . . AGAIN!"

I haven't seen either one yet, and have only listened and read the commentary on the two, but Shani and Chad both seem to be a bit jerk-ish . . . and I'm sort of leaning towards Shani's side in this whole thing speedskating thing.

I'll be all for an Arab company to take over operations of six major U.S. seaports as soon as the President allows an Arab company to take over his Secret Service protection.
(I wrote this Wednesday morning. Today, the New York Post editorial page cartoon has a similar joke. Since I wrote it before I saw it, I will not credit the Post for the joke.)

When I went to college, every bar had a juke box. Toss in a quarter and play your favorite song. You usually had to wait a while for your song to come on since there were lots ahead of you. And then one bar did away with the juke box. Instead, they installed their own sound system and played tapes of their choice of music. The music was loud, it was good, and people loved it. It changed everything. They controlled the tempo of the night, they controlled the atmosphere, they controlled the mood. This bar, the Dark Horse, quickly became the place to hang Wednesday through Sunday. 25 years later, the Dark Horse in Cortland, New York is still THE place to be for your college enjoyment. Of course, when the Dark Horse got too popular, I had to find a new place. For many years following, it seemed like most bars made a similar changeover to playing their own music, but now when I go out I'm finding it's juke boxes again. And I don't mean the quarter for a 45 rpm record juke box with a limited number of choices, but the new computerized juke box with a seemingly unlimited number of choices. But the juke box takes away the power of the tavern establishment to control the mood and atmosphere. Sure they make money on the juke box, but if the bar owner pipes in the right kind of music, it'll keep revelers longer at the bar and they can make the money back that way. Of course, the secret is to know what kind of music your clientele prefers. Play the right music and you can keep the customers for a longer time than they would like. Heck, I remember on slow mid-week afternoons I could bring in my own cassette tape and the barkeep would gladly throw it on. So tavern owners, do you have a juke box? How much does it bring in? And have you ever considered putting in your own stereo system?

And readers, if you had two songs to play on the world wide juke box, what would you pick?

Anthony Girgenti of Fords, New Jersey would pick:
Fortunate Son - Creedence Clearwater Revival
Long Cool Woman in a Black Dress - The Hollies

Me? I would pick:
"Crazy" - Patsy Cline
"Army of Ants" - Lathrop & Giller

This Cheney hunting accident story isn't going away. You know, Cheney is the first White House figure to get in trouble for shooting someone in the face since . . . well . . . since Bill Clinton.

From Jim Westfall of Hopkins, South Carolina:

"The Bush administration has just named Wayne Gretsky's wife as Gaming Commissioner."