The NYPD began deploying the first of 500 security cameras throughout the city. One of the cameras already recorded a crime in progress. We take a look at this incredible footage. From the camera at Sector 7 we hear common street noise over a black screen. We then hear a car crash, screaming, shooting, and mayhem. A great disturbance can be heard, but still we see nothing but a black screen. Back to Dave, who is a bit confused. Dave looks to his right, then to his left, looking for an explanation. He says, "What? Oh . . . . they didn't take off the lens cap."
That was a fine bit of acting on Dave's part.

TRUE TALES OF NEW YORK CITY ACCOUNTANTS: We see an accountant hard at work at his desk pounding away at his calculator. He narrates. Accountant: "I'd been working nonstop for almost 24 hours. You'd think I'd be exhausted, but I was in the zone . . . the calculator could barely keep up with me. And that's when it happened."
(calculator begins to smoke)
"I knew I had only seconds to act."
(accountant picks up the smoking calculator and throws it to the corner of the office. He ducks under his desk for safety. The calculator explodes.)
"Ever since then, I live life to the fullest."
The Accountant: Philip DeFalco of DeFalco and Company, Hoboken, New Jersey.

Ahhhh, almost forgot. Behind Dave is his hand crank emergency siren he received for his birthday. Dave gives is a spin and we hear a low moan. Dave explains we have it set on low moan.

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES
FDR: "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."
LBJ: "I shall not seek, nor will I accept the nomination of my party for another term."
BUSH: "Are you having burritos for lunch?"

More siren fun. And Paul has one, too!

HAROLD LARKIN'S ICE BREAKERS: We tried a little something new a few days ago. We sent our head carpenter Harold Larkin out to the streets of New York City to meet some people. As we all know, it's not easy meeting new people. What you need is some sure-fire ice breakers. Harold tries some out in New York City. Some worked; some didn't. He was pretty successful when using a free burrito.

More siren fun:
"A lot of shows will waste time and not let you know . . . we are wasting time and we are blatant about it."

Back from commercial, we find Dave center stage with a gentleman and two nattily-dressed women. The women are holding a huge check for $18 million. The gentleman speaks.
"Thank you. I am Dennis Pendleton-Smythe, Chairman and CEO of Harbour Town Golf Links. On behalf of the fine line of Verizon products, Larry, your 58 in the final round was an inspiration to golfers around the world. Congratulations. You're a great champion. Larry, here is the winner's check for $18 million. Thanks for all the thrills."
The women lift the huge check and hand it to Dave. The gentleman and the women then leave. Dave is a bit confused over the whole thing and attempts to give the check back to the ladies. The ladies don't want it, but neither does Dave. In the opposite of a game of tug-a-war, Dave prevails and the ladies take the check as they exit.
You can mark that under, "Huh?" Says Dave, "Remember what I said about wasting time?"

TOP TEN: Features of President Bush's Bird Flu Pandemic Plan
#10. Hang "Mission Accomplished" sign in every Kentucky Fried Chicken
#6. Build wall along border so birds can't walk in from Mexico
#5. Never leave the house, avoid human contact --- like Letterman.
#4. Tax cuts for the rich

And now, another True Tale of New York City Accountants. We see an accountant at his desk finishing up his last tax form. He narrates.
"I had just finished my last tax return. I did it! Another tax season had come and gone. I wanted to celebrate. You know, really treat it up."
(accountant turns on his radio)
"So I cranked up the easy listening station to about 4 (Seal & Crofts "Summer Breeze") and kicked back with a juice box from my mini-fridge. I don't know what came over me. I just felt like being bad."

EVA LONGORIA: She's one of the "Desperate Housewives" and she's in a new film, "The Sentinel." And she's dating a famous NBA basketball player, point guard Tony Parker of the World Champion San Antonio Spurs. How did they meet? Eva took her dad to a game. After the game they were invited to the locker room to meet some of the players. Her dad was excited. Eva didn't know any of the players. When they met Tony Parker, Tony invited her dad out to dinner. Eva tagged along . . . . and la-di-dah.
We learn that Eva knows a bit of Spanish and tries some out. Our cue card master, Tony Mendez knows Spanish as well. Tony and Eva converse. Uh oh. I don't know what Eva said because it really sent Tony Mendez off in a rage. Tony begins to scream and rant in Spanish, so upset that he ran off the stage, still ranting and raving. Eva could only look on confused.
"The Sentinel" opens this Friday. It stars Eva, Kiefer Sutherland, Michael Douglas, and Kim Basinger. We see a clip of Eva and Kiefer. Eva is a new worker on the job; Kiefer is a hard-assed and grizzled veteran. I bet they make out at the end of the movie.

BARRY SONNENFELD: It's the new Barry Sonnenfeld . . . no braces. Barry tracks back to something Dave said earlier in the show; something about watching the Late Show with an open robe vs. a closed robe. I missed what was originally said, perhaps that when watching Eva and "Desperate", you should watch it with a closed robe. When watching Barry, Dave suggests you can go back to an open robe. I don't know how close I am to being correct, but does it really matter, people? Does it really really matter? So Barry says it's OK for Barry to watch with an open robe because, as his wife Sweetie says, "I have an adorable scrotum." I'll stop here for a few minutes to allow you time to picture Barry Sonnenfeld's adorable scrotum.
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OK. Was it adorable?

Barry tells the story behind his getting braces at the age of 48. When he was a mere 5 years old, Barry found himself sitting in a dentist chair being worked on when the dentist died right on top of him. Of course, this tragic incident kept Barry from returning to the dentist for 10 years. When he finally went back, he had 14 cavities. He needed braces at the time but his mom refused because she was afraid it would interfere with his French horn lessons, and knowledge of the French horn she thought would keep him from the front lines if drafted into the army. If he knew how to play the French horn, he would be in the military band. Little did she realize that when he was of age to be drafted, he was 6-foot tall and weighed 120 pounds. He was so skinny you could see his heart beat. So he put off getting braces until he was 48.

Other health issues: He suffers from unconscious Narcissistic rage syndrome. It manifests itself causing sciatica, resulting in pain from his hip all the way down his left leg. During the filming of "RV", it came on pretty strong. Then when he was done, the sciatica disappeared. Now that he's working on another film, it's returned. But this is a very smart unconscious narcissistic rage . . . . this time the pain of sciatica goes down to his right leg. If is went down the same leg as before, then it could be self-diagnosed as psychosomatic. Since it's the other leg, Barry pretends it's not psychosomatic.

Barry shares a story about being an elevator operator in his younger days down on Wall Street. Little known fact: elevator guys often "get it on" with the young secretaries . . . and they do the deed right there in the freight elevator (at least at this Wall Street building). Barry never got in on this action, but often would man the freight elevator immediately after the "action." He would be confronted by angry deliverymen wanting to know what took so long. Barry knew the elevator had that "just sex" smell and knew what the deliverymen were thinking. Although it was a good paying job, Barry didn't last long.
Hmm, that probably explains why I often heard at my last job the elevator operators in the basement say, "Going down?"
Barry has directed the new Robin Williams film, "RV." It opens April 28th.

ACT 5: It's time to play "Guess the Celebrity Prom Picture!"
Can you guess this celebrity from his prom picture?
Give up? It's Saddam Hussein! And that was his prom date, Lori, from Great Neck! If you guessed right, you won a copy of Saddam's book, "The Fortified Castle." Way to go! Keep your ass right where it is!

And now the story behind the story. The original prom picture used in the ACT 5 was a generic prom photo deemed too recent to fit the idea. After the show, it was decided we should use an older one from the 70s or 80s. And where did they find this older photo? Hanging on my office wall. That's right. That's me from 1976 with my prom date, Denise Dooley.

Did you miss it? Did you forget it? Check out the BostonBill still shots found below.
http://community-2.webtv.net/bostonbill41/MondayStillShots417/

And that was our show for Monday, April 17, 2006. Wahoo EXTRA!

Many of you are interested in picking up one of those fun hand crank emergency sirens. Where to get one? I don't know where you can buy one, but we rented ours from:
Ayers Percussion here in New York City.
410 West 47th Street
New York, New York 10036.
We rented it last week as part of the musical guest. It was supposed to be for one day. We discovered a hand crank emergency siren is just too much fun to enjoy in one day, so we extended our rental. What usually happens is we rent it for so long that we pay more than if we would have bought it in the first place. And then after continuous rent, we end up buying it; in essence, paying twice the price.

Hey, Tuesday's show usually involves something from Rupert's and the "game" has something to do from what's happening in the newspapers. As I type this up, I have no idea what we'll be doing for Tuesday. Any guesses?

I experienced a sweet and lovely Easter story Sunday morning. I was in Florida to attend a baby Christening of my brand new niece, Angela. An hour or so before the Christening, I was sent out on an emergency search for a pair of stockings. I stopped at a Wal-Mart. As I waited on line, I saw a nicely dressed man at the front of the line off to the side. He asked the cashier, "Is it time yet?" The cashier told him, "No, not yet." The guy was very anxious. He seemed to be in a hurry. Every minute or so he would ask again, "How about now? Ready yet?" The cashier told him again, "No, you'll have to wait a few more minutes." I got closer to the front and this conversation continued.
"Now?"
"No, not now."
I'm now at the front of the line. I pay for the stockings. As I collect my change, the guy says once again, "C'mon, is it time yet?" The cashier says, "OK, I can take you now." The guy slams two six-packs of Miller Light on the counter and pays for his beer at 12:01 PM Easter Sunday. Ahhh, those blue laws. No alcohol for sale until after 12:00 noon on a Sunday. Is there a lovelier sight than buying beer at one minute after noon on Easter?

Something new that shouldn't be, it's the Wahoo Gazette's CORRECTION CORNER:
From Dayna Lurie of Redmond, Washington:

"Hey Mike,
Just a correction to your 4/14 Gazette. Death Cab for Cutie's album is called 'Plans' and the song they performed was 'Crooked Teeth.' Just wanted to let you know."