Cold open: We find Dave and associate producer Nancy Agostini in the green room. Dave making conversation, says, "How about that Star Jones getting kicked off 'The View'?"
Nancy: "Yeah."
Dave: "The network didn't like her, so they fired. her."
Nancy: "Yeah, funny isn't it? The network hates you and you're still here."
Dave then tries to explain how it is different. He doesn't make a very good case. Music; graphics; and the opening announce from Alan.

Oooh, before we get started, Dave has something. "Show me . . . . 'amusement park!'" We cut to a vt of the Family Feud board and . . . . . "amusement park" comes up. DING!
While Dave is billboarding tonight's program, he suddenly stops and exclaims, "Show me . . . . 'John Kerry!'" VT of the Family Feud board and . . . . "John Kerry" pops up. DING!

Dave needs to take another moment for some personal business. His little guy is having a procedure done and Dave is a bit concerned. He wants to check in. We cut to a scene in an operating room. Upon closer viewing, we see it's a monkey getting root canal. Dave is relieved and proud, and sighs "My monkey is having root canal." So relieved is our host that he breaks out into song, "My monkey is having root canal."

Well the whole world is excited for this "Superman Returns" movie that opened today . . . or last night a minute after midnight. Dave was able to steal a clip from the screening room of a scene from the "Superman Returns."
We see a bicyclist trapped under a yellow cab. He cries out for help. Superman sees the tragic event and rushes over to the fallen delivery guy. The delivery guy is greatly relieved. Superman bends and lifts the yellow cab . . . . but is unable to lift the taxi off the ground. The Man of Steel tries again but cannot lift the vehicle. Struggle as he might, the cab does not budge. Superman then walks to the trunk and takes out the jack. He has some difficulty getting the thing to work. Passersby gather to offer advice on how to jack up the vehicle. Meanwhile, the fallen bicyclist waits patiently to be rescued. We leave the scene with Superman still trying to work the jack device.

This weather has been awful in the northeast this past week. Heavy rainfall everyday, but it's not the rain and the heat that gets n the nerves of the citizens, it's the humidity. There's no escaping the humidity. Dave experienced just how irritable the humidity can make a person. Luckily, Dave had his TIVO running when he was watching the local weather channel.
We hear the weather guy with the week's weather report, speaking over the 5-day graphic. "Temperatures will remain in the mid 80s and humidity will be at near unbearable levels this evening. Tomorrow, we'll see . . . . (the weatherman is annoyed at something) . . . wait, what is this? Chamomile tea? This is not what I asked for. Hey, moron, get your ass in here."
We hear a door open.
Guy #2: "You called for me?"
Weatherman: "What is this?"
Guy #2: "Chamomile tea."
Weatherman: "And did I or did I not ask for green tea?"
Guy #2: "They only had decaffeinated green tea and I know you don't like . . ."
Weatherman: "Oh, you know what I don't like! You know everything! All I know is I wanted a damn cup of green tea! What the hell am I going to do with this crap? Wait, I know . . . you have it."
We hear a splash as we imagine the hot tea being thrown into the face of Guy #2. Guy #2 screams out in pain and agony.
Announcer: "This has been your Weather Channel local forecast."

I "Played the Dave" and said, "I love theater on the radio."
Dave says, "The nice thing about radio is you have to use your imagination." DING! It wasn't an exact match but it was close enough. The difficulty level in this installment of "Play the Dave" was a 4 out of 10.

Nuclear weapons held by foreign nations have been in the news lately and how did our President react? We watch this announcement.
Announcer:

"Despite evidence that North Korea is working on a nuclear bomb, President Bush resisted meeting with Kim Jong Il.
Furthermore, with Iran threatening to get the bomb, Bush has been unwilling to meet with the Iranians. But look who Bush IS willing to meet with . . . .
(we see Bush with a T-Ball mascot on the White House lawn.)
George W. Bush: 29% and falling."

And of course, how can we ignore Star Jones today? She announced she was leaving "The View" and then "The View" immediately fired her. And ABC was ready with a backup plan.
Announcer:

"On Tuesday, Star Jones shocked fans of 'The View' by announcing that she will be leaving the show next month. And while she will be difficult to replace, ABC is proud to announce that we've already found a new co-host who's very excited to take on four strong, sassy women at once."
Cut to photo of Rush Limbaugh.
"Rush Limbaugh: Bonered up and ready to go."

TOP TEN: Things Overheard Backstage At 'The View' - and tonight's list is very special . . . tonight the list's print will be 20% bigger!
(Picture this print being 20% bigger)
#10. "Is it worth pawning the crap she left in her dressing room?"
#9. "And we thought the loud one would give us all the trouble."
#8. "How about we say Star had to leave because she tested positive for steroids?"
#7. "I haven't been this upset since Debbie what's-her-name left."
#6 (we don't have a #6 tonight)
#5. "Easy on the gin, Barbara."
#4. "Is Hugh Downs still alive?"
#3. "Meredith was a genius to leave this dump."
#2. (we don't have a #2 tonight, either)
#1. "If I want to watch a couple old hags whine, I'll watch Dave and Paul."

Here's something I realized seconds after the Top Ten list was completed: Tonight's Top Ten list was both 20% bigger and 20% smaller.

ROBERT DOWNEY, JR: He's in the film, "A Scanner Darkly" which opens July 7th.
It's not an animated film; it's not a non-animated film. It's a film shot with real characters which they then make animated. If you've seen those Wachovia commercials, or maybe it's Charles Schwabb (see how effective it is?). The movie looks like that. Robert is from the New York area and has lots of friends and family here. The summer usually means a wedding needs to be attended or someone in the family is turning 70. He recently went to his father's birthday party and there's a wedding someplace on his calendar to be sure. And speaking of weddings, Robert got married for the second time last summer (see!) and all is going great.
Back from commercial, our friends in the control room use an effect "similar" to the animation in "A Scanner Darkly." Paul ganders at his monitor and cries out in fright, "Oh, no, flashback!" Yes, those 60s and 70s were pretty hard to get through. We see a clip from "A Scanner Darkly" and the animation is really interesting. You can't quite take your eyes off of it, which I guess is good since it is a movie. Also in the scene is Keanu Reaves and Woody Harrelson. It opens July 7th.

FRED WILLARD: This guy used to make me laugh laugh laugh when he was on Fernwood 2-Night and America 2-Night oh so many years ago. He was the sidekick to Martin Mull on a small town TV talk show. I guess you can say he was Larry Sanders before Larry was. To this day I call "Fernwood 2-Night" the fastest half hour in television. It was silliness to the extreme. It made a brief reappearance on TV Land or Comedy Central a little while ago and I still enjoyed the sarcastic wit of Mr. Mull (Barth Gimble) and the dim but energetic views of Mr. Willard (Jerry Hubbard). And the music from Happy Kyne and the Mirthmakers was divine. But that's not why he's here.
Fred is currently starring in an off-Broadway production of "Elvis and Juliet." You better hurry, because its run ends on Sunday. I was very happy to see that Fred's appearance did not disappoint. He again made me laugh with his very humorous asides as he was telling a story. The last thing Dave said was, "Here's Fred Willard" and Fred took it from there. Yes, it was not "edgy" funny but it was more silly funny. He told some funny stories about appearing on the Ed Sullivan Show and what it was like to work with Ed.
He told this joke and I appreciated how he introduced it as a joke. He didn't try to disguise it as an off-the-cuff. Fred found himself in a performance where the subject of blind prostitutes came up. He decided to add the line, "One thing you have to say about blind prostitutes . . . you really have to hand it to them."
I must admit I haven't kept up with Fred's work since Fernwood but hearing the list of films he's been in impressed me. I haven't seen any but they are all on my list, especially "Best in Show" and "Waiting for Guffman." He's currently working on another film, entitled "For Your Consideration" with Ricky Gervais.
I enjoyed Fred's visit. I really need to catch up on some of his films. And did you notice for one split second while with Dave, Fred's profile looked eerily like George Miller.

ACT 5: Audience shot. We see more of Dave's monkey getting the root canal. "Get well soon, Kenny"

MARTHA WAINWRIGHT: Her song appears on the July 25th release of the soundtrack to "Leonard Cohen: I'm Your Man." Martha performed a wonderful twangy country song, "Tower of Song." I liked it a whole lot.

And that was our show for Wednesday, June 28, 2006. Wahoo EXTRA!

Rush Limbaugh is in trouble for having Viagra in his bag. Isn't that where it's supposed to go?
Oh, not that bag? It was in his carry-on bag? Never mind.

So, where you when you heard about Star Jones?

My 10-year-old daughter Dominique is creating her own reading club this summer. The first book she's taken on is "Anne of Green Gables." She read the first chapter of book #1 and in her journal I read that she is already confused. And she is mad that Anne has not yet made an appearance. I decided to read the book when she's not so I could discuss the book with her and clear up any confusion she may come across. Guess what? I'm enjoying the heck out of it. I told her that Anne shows up in chapter 2 and the reading gets a lot easier when we hear the loquacious Anne speak. I'm looking forward to reading the rest of the book (I'm on Chapter 8; she's on Chapter 3) and discussing Anne's adventures.

Dominique's twin sister Danielle has already accused me of cheating by referring to the Anne of Green Gables Sparknotes/Cliffnotes on the computer. And speaking of Danielle . . . she received 10 stitches the other day when she fell through a glass-top patio/picnic table on the back deck. I've been doing some Google research on these glass-tops and found that this is not a rare occurrence. It seems to happen quite a bit. Danielle was trying to remove the umbrella and the table suddenly shattered into a million pieces. The loud BANG! alarmed everyone around. Why are these tables still sold if this happens so often? I've read where some people have simply nicked the table with the end of the umbrella with a resulting explosion. If you have one of these tables, BEWARE. You won't hear this warning anywhere else.

I was watching "From the Vault" on the Madison Square Garden channel here in New York. It features replays of pro basketball and hockey games played of yesteryear. I was watching the New York Rangers vs. the New York Islanders, the final game of the 1975 season before the playoffs. And then they showed the Rangers vs. the Bruins of the same year. The first difference I noticed was how few of the players wore helmets. And then I noticed there wasn't as much violent hitting and body checks. This supports my theory of better protective equipment results in a more violent game and possibly more injuries. With better protective equipment, the players can fly into each other with reckless abandon. The second thing I noticed . . . . the quiet. When a player got the puck and was going up the left side, the announcer didn't say "Brad Park with the puck going up the left side." He knew we were able to see the player, so there was no need to announce it. Today's TV sports announcers tend to announce as if they were on radio. We can see it; you don't have to tell us. But with today's hockey players identity now hidden under masks and full helmets, it's hard to tell who is who. My suggestion: When announcing a hockey game for TV, keep it simple. All that's needed is to identify the player; such as "Park . . . . . to Stemkowski . . . Ratelle . . . . Vickers shoots . . . score!"
Oh, and it was nice to see a game on a full unobstructed screen. No score and clock in the corner; no score updates from around the league on the bottom. I laughed at one point when with less than a minute left they put up an ancient graphic of a digital clock ticking down from 60 seconds. The graphic was like a clock of light bulbs that you would see at a game on the scoreboard. All that was shown were the light bulbs. You could clearly see the time; and it didn't block out any of the action. You could see through the clock. It was perfect. You got the information needed without obstructing the view. And that was 31 years ago. And now after 31 years of progress, the clock shown during a game is much worse. It blocks out a corner of the action. When will TV sports producers and directors learn?

"Faster than a speeding bullet. More powerful than a locomotive. Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Look! Up in the sky. It's a bird. It's a plane. It's Superman! Yes, it's Superman - strange visitor from another planet who came to Earth with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men. Superman - who can change the course of mighty rivers, bend steel in his bare hands, and who disguised as Clark Kent, mild-mannered reporter for a great metropolitan newspaper, fights a never-ending battle for Truth, Justice, and the American Way."