It’s the time of year when the big holiday films start hitting theaters, so to get everyone excited, please enjoy this Late Show Holiday Movie Preview.
We see nice Christmas and holiday footage; sweet holiday music; lovely holiday graphics . . . . and that’s it. That’s all we have so far. Time is tight during the holidays.

And now it’s time for “Great Moments in Presidential Speeches.” We see FDR. We see JFK. We see George W. Bush mumbling something about a kick to our economy.

Each Friday, Dave receives a packet of Fun Facts from a guy named Gary at the FBMI, Federal Bureau of Miscellaneous Information, and tonight we get to meet him. It’s Gary Klein. Gary enters and takes a seat by Dave. He looks a lot like Johnny Dark, the oldest CBS Page. Gary is your typical information office wonk; great at collecting facts and numbers; not very good in a social setting. Dave involves him in a chat, but Gary doesn’t reciprocate. His answers are on the one-word variety, and if he could have used less words, he would. But it’s not because he’s bashful. Gary is tight-lipped because he has an angry edge. Anyway, Gary is here to personally deliver this week’s Late Show Fun Facts. The quicker this guy got up and left the better.
Late Show Fun Facts
- There are no poisonous snakes in Maine.
- Europe is the only continent without deserts
- There are 132 rooms in the White House
- Most of Yogi Berra’s nonsensical quips are the result of an addiction to cough medicine
- The Center of Sleep Research has spent $7 million trying to disprove the widely held belief that if you snooze, you lose.
- The Nobel Prize in Literature has twice been awarded for phone books
- In the event of an electoral vote tie and a tie in the House of Representatives, a Presidential election would be decided by applause
- The FDA technically classifies pancake batter as soup
- The country most recently admitted to the United Nations is responsible for refreshments
- Tiger Woods can’t play miniature golf to save his life
- Mercury’s retrograde shift into Scorpio makes this week a good time for financial investments
- Apple is developing an artificial heart hat holds a thousand songs
- 5% of people who have voices in their head say at least one sounds like sportscasting legend Chick Hearn
- Saddam Hussein recently sent out invitations to his hanging
- Donald Trump wears twice as much makeup as his wife
- Before a family squabble, one of America’s largest companies was known as Johnson & Johnson & Johnson
- In Soviet Union, television watches you
- During the 20th Century, Western Union did a brisk business in X-Rated telegrams
- Elizabeth Taylor once divorced a man she never married
- Like George W. Bush, in college Saddam Hussein was a cheerleader
- It is customary to tip toll booth operators.
- In 1997, the Supreme Court ruled that women could be admitted to the Hair Club for Men
- The most common street name in America is 138th Street
- The French Dip is consistently voted the world’s dampest sandwich

TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR FAMILY IS NUTS – And to present tonight’s Top Ten list, the national spokesperson for Toys For Tots, here is Dr. Phil.
Dr. Phil enters to huge applause. Dave greets him and asks, “How was your Thanksgiving?” Dr. Phil says, “I haven’t had it yet . . . . . woops.”
#10. You’re 41, but your dad still makes you watch the parade on his shoulders
#9. All of mom’s recipes require 1 part gin and 3 parts tonic
#8. Breaking the wishbone usually ends in a trip to the hospital
#7. The Shi-ites next door ask you to keep the fighting down
#6. Never had Thanksgiving with family because you work at the Late Show
#5. Have to eat your dinner without utensils because everyone’s on suicide watch
#4. In honor of the Pilgrims, everyone gets scurvy
#3. So-called turkey is wearing a dog collar.
#2. Instead of spouses, each member brings an attorney
#1. Caught your wife ‘giving thanks’ to the caterer

And that was Dr. Phil. Dave mentions, “it was nice of him to drop in after the holidays.”

HELEN HUNT: It’s Thanksgiving, which means turkey, family, and the parade. Has Helen ever been in a parade? She participated in one at the age of 12. She admits it was a pathetic thing. She was on the “Swiss Family Robinson” TV series. Because of the show, she was asked to march in the Hollywood Christmas Parade, which goes down Hollywood Boulevard. If you know Los Angeles, Hollywood Boulevard is a street that’s, well, skanky in parts. She remembers herself as a little girl in pigtails, followed by a grimy Santa Claus. All the kids were asking, “Why do Santa’s eyes match his suit?” Helen is a mom to a 2-and-a-half year old, Makena-lei, and every car trip is an ordeal. Her daughter just sits in the back seat asking for snacks. Raisins! Cheerios! Cheddar Bunnies! Apple Juice! Yes, as a parent, one of the first things you learn is to keep well stocked. You can’t allow a free moment. Every second needs to be filled with food, TV, or crayons. You want to teach them the importance of living without, but you soon learn life is so much easier living with with. You’ll do anything for peace.
Helen is in the new film, Bobby, about the Robert Kennedy assassination. It opened Wednesday. Hearing about the movie made me realize I know nothing about the murder. I was 10 at the time and remember some of that day. But I have hardly read anything about it. All I know is Sirhan Sirhan is the assassin and he comes up for parole every few years. And as a model prisoner, I wonder why he isn’t paroled. If he had shot me, he’d be out by now. But that’s another story. I am very interested in the film and this is one of the few I may make a point in seeing.

JASON GRANT: What a story this guy has. He’s a school teacher up in Rochester, New York and went out browsing at a tag sale. He saw this statue he thought would look great in his rec room and bought it. His brother-in-law Chet, who thinks of himself as a bit of an art enthusiast, saw the piece and thought it could be worth something. Sure enough and lo and behold and who would believe it and other meaningless lead-ins, the darn thing turned out to be an Edgar Degas worth $110 million. Wow! Who did he buy it from? Jason says some lady in Rochester. Will Jason contact her and share in the windfall? Jason doesn’t answer. The audience titters with laughter. Jason tells the audience to quiet down and says, “Hold it . . . . yes, I will contact her.” And says no more. He says nothing about sharing. Dave has the piece behind the desk and shows the beautiful and exquisite “Spanish Dance” statue by Degas. It’s a rare piece, indeed. Dave revels over the beauty and delicacy of the piece. And then . . . . . oh, no. . . . Jason Grant notices something. While Dave was looking over the “Spanish Dance”, he accidentally broke off the arm. Like anyone who just broke a $110 million item, Dave tries to put it back together without the owner noticing, but Jason saw what happened right in front of him. Jason stands up and takes hold of his “Spanish Dance.” The arm is no broken, making it worthless. Jason reacts like anyone who sees a life of leisure suddenly turn to a life of labor . . . and in Rochester, at that! He curses Dave for his clumsiness. Curses himself for coming to the show. Curses his terrible misfortune. Jason, in a fit of frustration, takes the damaged “Spanish Dance” and smashes it to the ground. He exits in anger with a promise to sue anyone and everyone affiliated with the Late Show. And with that, he flees back home to Rochester.

WILL IT FLOAT? Item: a 6 pound, 12 ounce can of whole yams. Stored in what? Alan says “A metal can.” Dave says it’ll sink. Paul says it’ll float. And Paul changes his pick to Sink. The Late Show models drop the 6 pound, 12 ounce can of whole yams into the Will It Float tank and it . . . . . sinks!

ACT 5: “Time for Behind the Scenes at the Late Show.” We see a nothing shot of an empty backstage. A stagehand walks by.
“This has been Behind the Scenes at the Late Show. Tell your friends.”

DJ SHADOW, Q-TIP, AND LATEEF: From DJ Shadow’s CD, “The Outsider,” the trio perform “Enuff.”

And that was our show for Friday, November 24, 2006. Wahoo EXTRA!

I lost the e-mail but someone wrote the reason the NFL features the Detroit Lions every Thanksgiving on national TV is because the city’s car-making industry is such a big and loyal sponsor to the NFL.

Hey, it’s “Cut and Paste Day” The Truth Behind Black Friday – from the urbanmyth website:

“The day after Thanksgiving is the day millions of Americans head for the malls to kick off the Christmas shopping season. ‘Black Friday’ (as it is known in the retail industry, supposedly because it's the day when retailers turn the corner and see their income statements move out of the red and into the black, or it's the day when retail workers are exposed to the worst crowds and customer behavior) is regularly cited as ‘the busiest shopping day of the year.’

But although Black Friday may be the day the greatest number of holiday shoppers traipse through malls, it isn't necessarily the biggest day of the year in terms of dollars spent. The consistent holiday shopping trend is that sales figures spike on the day after Thanksgiving, drop sharply immediately afterwards, then steadily increase throughout December, peaking on the four days comprising the two weekends before Christmas. The result is that Black Friday nearly always ends up ranking below the last Saturday before Christmas (or December 23, if Christmas Day falls on a weekend), and in recent years it has ranked between fourth and eighth on charts of the year's busiest shopping days.”

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MONDAY, NOVEMBER 25, 1996
Tonight is the Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony in New York City’s Rockefeller Center, so if you like pushing, shoving, and pickpockets while listening to “Silent Night,” that’s the place to be.

Mailboy Bob Borden is scheduled to appear LIVE on tonight’s show, and is in his dressing room at this very moment running his lines. Bob is wearing a navy blue terry-cloth robe, white towel around his neck, open back slippers, and is sipping from a green coffee mug.

Can you believe we have a grown man on our staff who calls himself “Corky”?

Some plans by LATE SHOW staff members for the Thanksgiving holiday…
Nancy Agostini – work
Zoran Zgonc – work
Chris Schukei – work
…… more tomorrow *******************************

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TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 26, 1996
The LATE SHOW canned food drive is doing quite well, although sound effects guy Gary Kiffel keeps showing up with a knife and fork. I don’t think he understands the true spirit of the drive.

We have two Canadians on our staff; one of course being Paul Shaffer. The other is writer Tim Long. So if you see them on the street, be sure to give them a big “Buenos Dios, Senors.”

Rupert Jee, proprietor of the “Hello Deli” on 53rd Street has this bit of culinary advice for you this Thanksgiving. . . . . “Don’t gobble your turkey.”

A survey among NYC pedestrians found that last week’s favorite top ten items were Tuesday’s number 7, Monday’s number 6, and Friday’s number 2.

More plans by LATE SHOW staff members for the Thanksgiving holiday . . .
Theresa Gavigan – work
Alex Kreisler – work
Amanda Baehr - work
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