Here’s your chance to see Paul perform live outside the Ed Sullivan Theater. Friday night at 8:00 down at the Canal Room at 285 West Broadway, Paul will be performing at the “Judith Owen and Harry Shearer’s Holiday Sing Along." Also performing will be Marshall Crenshaw, The Bobs, Julia Fordham, and Jill Sobule. Paul calls this annual event “Harry and Julie’s Twisted Decrepit Christmas of Despair and Hatred.” Dave seems a bit confused, “But it says here it’s a Sing Along.” Paul agrees that it is a sing along, but it’s full of despair and hatred. Sounds like a lot of fun. Check it out, kids.
And the proceeds from the evening will benefit Hurricane Katrina Relief Efforts.

Nicole Richie was arrested Monday for DUI. We take a look at a public service announcement Dave saw the other day.
Announcer: “Earlier this week, Nicole Richie was busted for driving the wrong way down the street after smoking weed. Remember, if you’re not sober enough . . . let your kid drive.” (see shot of Britney Spears with her baby sitting on her lap driving a car)
“A message from Britney Spears.”

The Golden Globe nominations are out. You may have seen this announcement.
Announcer: “The Golden Globe nominations have been announced. This year the Hollywood Foreign Press Association is honoring an outstanding array of films, directors, and actors, including CBS’s own David Letterman for his portrayal of his brother, Raul Letterman.” (see clip of Dave as Raul.)
Good luck to all the nominees, from CBS!”

Dave is interrupted by a guy on stage. He is a staffer. He says:
Guy: “Unfortunately, I’m not gonna be able to make the big Christmas party tonight.”
Dave: “Oh, well, that’s too bad.”
Guy: “My daughter has a holiday choir concert tonight.”
Dave: “Good luck with that.”
Guy: “Yeah, so since I won’t be there, I guess I should get this out of the way now . . . .” (he suddenly turns angry and turns to Paul)
Guy: (giving the finger) “’GIVL’ you!’
Guy: (to Alan, giving the finger) “And ‘GIVL’ you!”
Guy: (to Dave, giving two fingers) “And ‘GIVL’ you!” He storms off.
Dave thinks he’s the guy from the mailroom. He’s probably right. This time of year the mailroom gets swamped. Of course, to decipher “GIVL”, simply look to the left of each letter in “GIVL” on your keyboard.

It’s time now for Great Moments in Presidential Speeches. We see FDR. We see JFK. We see President Bush accepting applause: “Thanks for coming. Please sit down. . . . . Thanks for coming. Thanks for coming. Thanks for coming.”

There’s a lot of intrigue surrounding Hillary Clinton. Will she run for President? When will she announce? She’s here tonight to answer your questions. Here she is, Senator Hillary Clinton.
Senator Clinton enters, played by former LATE SHOW writer Gerard Mulligan. Dave reads some questions written by members of the audience.

- Madeline Stokes, Grove City, PA: “If you decide to run for President in 2008, what do you think will be the biggest challenge?”
Hillary: “Chaffing from these damn pantsuits.”

- Cheryl Freeman, Boise, Idaho: “Given the opportunity, how would you put an end to the insurgency in Iraq?
Hillary: “I would send those punks a boatload of tainted Taco Bell Chalupas. . . . . Ha ha! I haven’t lost a step!”

- Dave McCoy, Ravenna, Ohio: “You’ve been reluctant to throw your hat into the ring. Why the delay?”
Hillary: “Now that Dennis Kucinich is in, I had to reevaluate my platform. Ha ha . . . just kidding. I could eat that guy for lunch.”

- Rick Sherman, Reno, Nevada: “If you run for President, what will you look for in a running mate?”
Hillary: “The ability to not shoot an elderly hunting buddy in the face.”
Rimshot
Hillary: “Ouch! No one’s safe tonight!”

- Jack Bradshaw, Orlando, Florida: You’ve been accused of having millions of dollars of plastic surgery. Is that true?” Hillary doesn’t answer. She just stands there. Dave gets her attention.
Dave: “Uhh, Senator....
Hillary: “Oh, sorry. I thought that question was for you.”

- Charlie Southworth, August, Maine: “What is it about New York that you think requires the most immediate attention?” Hillary: “The Knicks.”
Rimshot
Hillary: “I kid. Isaish is doing a great job.”

- Louis Levy, Wilmington, Delaware: “If he decided to run again, what can stop Al Gore?”
Hillary: “If fat boy doesn’t drop a hundred pounds, a massive heart attack.”
Hillary, satisfied with herself, reaches into her pocket and throws a handful of confetti into the air.

- Doreen Laurens, Lexington, Kentucky: “What is something the public doesn’t know about you.”
Hillary: “I love me some ‘Sanford and Son!’ Hit it, Paul!”
Paul and the band play the theme music from “Sanford and Son.” Hillary, doing Fred Sanford: “This is the big one. I’m coming to you, Elizabeth!”

- Angela Thurston, Portland, Oregon: “Can you handle Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad?”
Hillary: “I have one advantage Bush doesn’t have . . . I can pronounce his name!”
Hillary takes out and blows into a slide whistle.

- Laura Entlich, Lake Worth, Texas: “What can we look forward to seeing if you become President?”
Hillary: “Mama’s gonna have a little intern scandal of her own . . . . Hey Oh!”

- Rhoda Davidson, Norfolk, Virginia: “Do you think America is ready for a President who wears lipstick and high heels?”
Hillary: “It didn’t stop Gerald Ford. I’m just bustin’ your balls, Jerry.”

- Sally Buford, Topeka, Kansas: “What is your relationship like with incoming Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi?”
Hillary: “We have a terrific relationship, but if she ever crosses me, bitch better watch her back.”
Hillary puts her hand under her armpit and makes duck-like noises.

- Frank Byrd, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania: “What would you do to keep Social Security solvent?”
Hillary: blank stare for several seconds – “Oh, sorry. I just smoked some weed with Nicole Richie.”
Rimshot
Hillary: “That’s my time. You’ve been great. Go see ‘Apocalypto!’ It’s the feel-good Mayan slasher flick of the year!” And Hillary exits.

TOP TEN: Least Popular Mall Stores – the average holiday shopper will spend $680 this year on gift. 10. Big & Tall & Gay
9. Ahmedinejad & Fitch
8. Dentistry Shack
7. Burlington Goat Factory
6. Old Gravy
5. Frederick’s of Trenton
4. Billy Dee Williams-Sonoma
3. Just Croutons
2. Larry King’s Suspenders World
1. Taco Bell

WILL SMITH: Will thanks for Dave’s rave of the film, The Pursuit of Happyness, but wishes he would say it in a way that could be used in a billboard or newspaper ad. Dave saying, “It will pull your stomach out through your nose” doesn’t quite work. It’s appreciated by Will Smith, but it can’t really be used.
The film is based on a true story, and when I heard it I recognized it. Will says the idea came from a segment seen on “20/20.” The story is about a guy named Chris Gardner, a smart, appealing, salesman falls into deep financial difficulty. One bad stroke of luck after another leaves Chris Gardner homeless and as a single father. In one scene, Will finds himself in the bathroom at a subway station with an actor playing his son. And who was the actor playing his son? Will’s actual 8-year-old son, Jaden. Will says the moment was powerful, he there with his own son looking into a mirror in a dirty deserted subway station bathroom. Will’s character elevates himself from that situation to great eventual success. Dave asks, “And how did your son get the gig?” Will laughs, but knows it’s a question everyone must suspiciously wonder about. Will says while he was reading the script aloud at home, his son Jaden said he could easily play the son. Will and Jada decided to let Jaden try out for the part. And he got the part deservedly so.
Dave again raves about the film, describing that “it really comes and sits on your lap.” That’s a little closer to print ad-quality, but not quite.
Will attended the Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes wedding a few weeks back. How was that? Will says to imagine in your wildest dreams the biggest and greatest and most fantastic wedding you can. This wedding came very close to that. At one point he says the wedding was so incredible that he had to look over at his wife Jada and apologize. Their wedding didn’t quite match up with Tom and Katie’s.
For me, what makes a great wedding is the little hot dogs at the cocktail party. You got to have the little hot dogs or else the wedding . . . . well, it would be a big disappointment. You can keep the violins and white doves and the horses and chariots . . . all I want are the little hot dogs.
The Pursuit of Happyness – in theaters now. And just this morning, Will Smith was nominated for a Golden Globe for his performance.

It’s something new. It’s entitled, “What They Would Have Wanted for Christmas” featuring our stage manager Biff Henderson.
Music from Paul; graphics; scrim rise. We find Biff in a swami robe and hat sitting in front of a crystal ball.
Biff: “Tonight I will psychically ascertain what the late Art Carney would have wanted for Christmas. I will now go into a trance. Do not be alarmed.”
Biff goes into a deep trance. Paul plays eerie music. Rubbing the crystal ball, Biff conjures up the image of the late Art Carney in the ball. Exhausted, Biff is prepared to give the answer to “What They Would Have Wanted For Christmas.”
Biff: “Art Carney would have wanted a Norelco SmartTouch electric shaver.”

ACT 5: And now a LATE SHOW Reminder. There are just 30 shopping days left until Christmas. Be sure to get something special for that special someone!
This has been a Late Show Reminder.

EVANESCENCE: From their new CD, “The Open Door,” Evanescence – meaning to gradually disappear - performed “Lithium.”

And that was our show for Thursday December 14, 2006.

If they have to, I wouldn’t be surprised to see the Democratic Party pulls a “Weekend At Bernie’s”

“My Idea That Didn’t Get On.” During “Ask Hillary Clinton”, since the questions supposedly came from our audience, I suggested that after Dave began one with, “Doreen Laurens, Lexington, Kentucky . . .” an audience member should let out a squeal as if her question was being read...
I suggested it. It didn’t get on.

Big plans for this weekend. Saturday morning at the grand old Lafayette Theater in Suffern, New York, Babes in Toyland will be shown, better known as The March of the Wooden Soldiers. Also scheduled is Betty Boop’s Poor Cinderella and the silent film, Good Cheer starring the kids from Our Gang. And as always, at the top of the program will be music played on the Wurlitzer organ. I’ve been looking forward to it for weeks. See you at the movies!

It’s the office Christmas Party tonight. I have the same hope every year. I want to see someone destroy their career by doing something really really stupid. Years ago, doing something outrageous at the Christmas Party could get you a promotion. But those days are over. It’s a much more sober time we live in today. Now you get one drink and hold on to it the whole night. The parties aren’t nearly as entertaining as they once were. But just in case I’ll be bringing along a lampshade.
Have you ever danced with a lampshade on your head? I did once. I found myself very funny. I think everyone should do it at least once in their life. It’s a part of Americana.

Self diagnosis: I think I got a twinge of the sciatica; lower back pain right down my left leg and behind my knee and calf. It’s a big ouch. I’ll treat it like I treat any pain I get; ignore it and hope it goes away. It may be psychosomatic. I’ve been thinking of starting an exercise routine and this is my body telling me not to.

Here it is December 14th with Christmas just around the corner and not once have I mentioned my traditional Herbie vs. Hermey controversy. Those new to the Wahoo Gazette should know that this topic has been discussed here for ages. The elf on Rudolph who wants to become a dentist is named . . . . Hermey or Herbie? It’s long been determined that it is Hermey, but there is enough mentions of it being Herbie to make it for an interesting debate. I’ve seen it as Herbie in many publications . . . but it’s Hermey. And I still think that it sounds like “Herbie” the first time you hear his named mentioned in the TV special.
Traveling back in time, here’s something from Kevin Fontanazza of Butler, New Jersey as I reported on December 2, 2004:

”I watched Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer about an hour ago, and I listened to whether or not it was Herbie or Hermey. When you first meet him, the big green guy is yelling at him and goes ‘Herbie doesn't like to make toys!’ At that point they all say it. You can clearly hear that they all pronounce the B in Herbie. However, about 20 minutes or so later, Rudolph introduces him as Hermey (maybe it's cause he talks a little odd it sounded differently). I definitely think it's Herbie. Don't agree? Watch in the beginning when you first meet him...and you be the judge.”

And then a fellow who goes by the name ‘Sikula’ tipped me off to this website which sort of explains the Herbie/Hermey discrepancy.
http://www.tvparty.com/xmasrudolph.html
There’s an article written by Rick Goldschmidt. Included in the article is the following:

“One thing I should make clear is that the elf who wants to be a dentist is named Hermey. Why everyone is calling him ‘Herbie’ I will never fully understand. Maybe one day someone will correct the error because it is simply not right to change a character's name that has become a television icon.”

Again, I know it’s Hermey but I always like to hear from those who thinks it’s Herbie, or hear of instances where you’ve seen Herbie the elf in print.

I’ve long since given up the Herbie vs. Hermey debate. I’m on to something new now. The killer whale at SeaWorld in San Diego that almost killed its trainer a couple weeks ago . . . the whale . . . is it Shamu or Kasatka? I’ve read both.

Do you have what it takes to write up a Wahoo EXTRA? I’m thinking of leasing the space to some lucky Wahoo readers maybe once a month next year. It’ll give me the chance to goof off and to show you how hard it is to come up with nonsense every night. Keep it in mind.