". . . and now, a man who's allergic to glue . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1
Following the last joke at the monologue mark, Dave billboards the night's program. He mentions "Steve Martin." Steve Martin mistakenly thinks that is his cue to go on. He runs to the guest chair, but has to tell him it's not time yet. Steve, embarrassed, runs off. Dave goes into the audience to play "Know Your Current Events."

Tonight's Categories:
Know Your Current Events
Know Your Cuts of Meat
Know Your 2008 Presidential Candidates
Know Your Summer Blockbusters
Know Your Rosie O'Donnell
Know Your NHL Playoffs.

Contestant #1: Trisha from Mynot, North Dakota. She says North Dakota is a great place to live. Dave asks, "Is it a lot like South Dakota?" Trisha chooses "Know Your Current Events"

1. "Earlier this week, NASA released the first 3D images of this enormous entity." If I were playing, I would have answered "Rosie O'Donnell." Trisha guessed, "The Space Shuttle." The answer we were leading the contestant to was "The sun." The answer we were looking for was "Al Gore."

2. "Today, Regis Philbin returned to his show after having what medical procedure?" Trisha said "Bypass surgery." No, the answer we were looking for was: "A face lift, eye lift, brow lift, chin tuck, hair implants, cheekbone implants, botox, and liposuction."

Contestant #2: Carson Creaser. Oh, boy. You knew Dave wouldn't let this slip by. I "Played the Dave" and wondered if Carson Creaser worked at a dry cleaner. Dave said, "Carson Creaser . . . . that sounds like one of those Ron Popeil products." Naturally, Dave's line was better than mine. How did Carson come to getting a name like that? He says "the last name was there . . . . and the first name . . . just came along." Dave has some more fun with Carson Creaser and awards him a dinner for two without even playing KYCE.

Contestant #3: Margie McDonald. She's in the city visiting. She chooses the category, "Know Your Cuts of Meat."
1. What is this cut of meat? She says Ham. We are looking for something more specific. Answer: "Smoked Ham Shank Portion."
2. What is this cut of meat? She says T-Bone. Dave laughs, as the meat looks nothing like a "T." Answer: "Beef Chuck Flanken Style Ribs.

And that's how we play Know Your Current Events.

ACT 2
Dave again billboards who will be on tonight's show and as soon as he mentions "Steve Martin," Mr. Martin comes running out as if it's his turn to entertain. Dave explains that we are not yet ready for him, and he will call for him later. Steve leaves a bit embarrassed.

This just in: Tobey Maguire, Spider-Man 3, MAY be appearing on our show next week. He MAY. It is not definite. We hope to have him on Tuesday, May 1st, but we do not know for sure yet. We will know more on Monday.

Impressionist Week 2 - it's coming next week and the schedule is confirmed:
Monday: Rob Magnotti
Tuesday: John Byner
Wednesday: Mike MacRae
Thursday: Joe Piscopo
Friday: Reggie Reg

And interesting study has been released regarding increased THC in marijuana. We take a look at this announcement.
Announcer:

"The White House has announced that marijuana has gotten much more potent in the past few years. How potent? See for yourself." Cut to a shot of George W. Bush dancing.
"George W. Bush: Fire on the Mountain."

ACT 3
Little Known Facts About Derek Jeter - Dave reads off a list of well-known facts about the Yankee captain. We have a list of little know facts about Derek. And to present tonight's top ten list, from your New York Yankees, #2, Derek Jeter.
We hook up to the satellite to see Derek Jeter at Yankee Stadium.
On the radio Friday morning, they replayed #s 8, 5, and 2. To watch the Top Ten by Derek Jeter, just click on the Derek Jeter Top Ten someplace on the Late Show website.
And Derek Jeter is featured on the cover of the Major League Baseball 2K7 video game. Video games have come a long way since Pong.

ACT 4
DAVID COTA AND AJ THE PARAKEET: Who is this and what does he do with his parakeet. It's a very interesting story. Back in 1990, David Cota was scheduled to appear on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson with his pet parakeet Axle. Axle could do all sorts of tricks and Johnny wanted Cota and the bird on the show to perform some of the tricks. David was just a college kid at the time and so when the Tonight Show sent a limousine and put him up in a hotel for the night, Cota saw the possibility for a whole lot of fun. He invited a friend to come along. David and his friend went out the night before the performance on the Tonight Show and left Axle in the hotel room. David's friend went back to the hotel early but David stayed out to enjoy more of the night. When David got back to the hotel, he found his friend fast asleep. He woke him and asked, "Where is Axle?" They searched the room and found that the friend had rolled over onto Axle while he slept. Axle was dead. David and his friend placed Axle on the coffee table and stared at the poor bird for hours hoping it would arise. It never did. David got a call in the morning from the Tonight Show to see how things were going. He told them the terrible news. The Tonight Show called back later that morning and told him that Johnny wanted David to come on the show anyway to tell the story. That night, Johnny and the staff wore black armbands during the segment and presented David with a new parakeet. David worked hard with this new parakeet to teach him some of the tricks performed by Axle. And that parakeet, the one given him by Johnny, is here on our show tonight. AJ is that parakeet. How about that!
AJ's tricks tonight:
1. Roll over
2. makes a basketball shot
3. sinks a putt on a mini-golf course.
Ta Da!

ACT 5:
Announce: "Guests of the Late Show receive American Tourister Luggage, America's Number One choice in luggage: tough, stylish, roomy, American Tourister. And Carson Creaser. The Carson Creaser steams and creases at the same time. Your pants will thank you. Carson Creaser --- available at Duane Reade, Auto Zone, and other fine stores. Remember, it's a Carson. . . it's a Creaser . . . it's a Carson Creaser. We'll be right back."

ACT 6
STEVE MARTIN: Finally, it's time! Dave introduces Steve Martin, but there is no Steve Martin. We see an empty guest entrance. The camera goes in search of Steve and finds him in the green room. He is not alone. Entertaining and performing for Steve Martin is a scantly clad Chippendale dancer. Steve Martin shoves a couple dollar bills in the dancer's bikini string and runs out to meet Dave.
Dave just turned 60. Steve is one year ahead of Dave. How have things changed once he turned 60? Steve says, "All your long term goals are now short term goals." He says he was talking to an elderly woman recently who shared this bit of insight: "You finally become wise, but then it's too late."
Steve Martin is not promoting a film, but will have a book coming out later this year. He has a clip of his working on the book. Unfortunately, the clip we see is of Steve in the middle of writer's block. He is sitting pensively in front of his laptop.
Steve Martin will be performing on banjo with Tony Trischka in the next act. Dave asks if Steve plays any other instruments beside the banjo? Steve replies, "No, why? Are you trying to embarrass me?" Steve then asks Dave if he had Yo Yo Ma on the program, "Would you ask him, 'Do you play any other instruments besides the cello?'" For some reason, the banjo doesn't get the same respect. I laughed at this and it reminded me of a story I read about W.C. Fields. W.C. Fields was a top level juggler, one of the best in the world. He said the time he spent learning how to juggle and the hard work perfecting this talent was equal to the time spent by the world's greatest violinist and he thought it unfortunate it did not get the same respect.

ACT 7
TONY TRISCHKA: From his new CD, "Double Banjo Bluegrass Spectacular," Tony Trishcka, along with special guests Steve Martin and Bela Fleck, performed "The Crow."

And that was our show for Thursday, April 26, 2007.



It happened again last night. I got home from work and surprisingly, had little to do. The girls were in bed, Denise was at work on the computer, and I was free. I grabbed a newspaper, took a chair at the kitchen table, and turned on the Yankee game on the radio. I checked the fridge and lo and behold, I found two beers way in the back on the bottom shelf. I then check the pantry and unbelievably found a half-bag of potato chips. I was set for a good half hour of relaxation. The Yankees were losing 4-0 but it didn't matter. All I wanted was to hear a baseball game in the background while I read some columns and tackled a soduko . . . or sodoku or sudoku. 5 minutes later A-Rod whacks one and the Yankee radio announcer screams, "It is high, it is far . . . " I duck for cover because the enthusiasm in which he announced his tired signature call made me believe the ball had a chance of crashing through my kitchen window 30 miles away from the Stadium. I quickly tabulated the new score and figured the Yankees were right back in the game. But then, as happens WAY TOO OFTEN on Yankee broadcasts, the Yankee radio announcer finishes his home run call of "It is high, it is far . . ." with ". . . . it is caught at the wall." I throw my newspapers across the table in disgust, not because the ball was caught but because this non-professional Yankee announcer got me again with his wrong call. My gleeful anticipation is crushed by the sudden disappointment of reality. He led me down a path which ended up going over a cliff. This has been going on for at 20 years now. I remember driving to work many years back. This Yankee announcer began his "It is high, it is far . . . ." call but I had already learned not to get excited. I taught myself not to get excited until I heard ". . . . it is gone!" So on this night on my drive in to work sometime in the 1980s, I waited for this Yankee announcer to say, "It is gone." And then he says it; "It is GONE!" I allow myself to pump my fist in joy on the FDR Drive. And then I hear, " . . . NO, HE CAUGHT IT!" I curse this Yankee announcer. I curse myself for allowing myself once again to believe what he was announcing. And 20 years later it continues. But for me, it continues for the last time. I got up from chair and turned off the game. I don't know when I'll go back to listening to a Yankee game while that guy announces.
Congratulations, New York Yankees. I've been listening to Yankee games on the radio since 1966.
I don't mention this Yankee announcer's name because my wife knows him and speaks highly of him. But then, she doesn't listen to Yankee games. I won't mention his name as a favor to her.

Best 45 ever? The other day I heard "Hey, Jude" on the radio and it made me think of my old 45 with "Revolution" on the flip side. I wondered what was the best 45 of all time. I mentioned the Rolling Stones "Honky Tony Woman" and "You Can't Always Get What You Want" as another goodie.

*From Bill Fletcher of Spartanburg, South Carolina:

"hey mike. my vote for the greatest 45 of all time would be the beatles' 'strawberry fields/penny lane' single from 1967. tough to beat that one. 'hey jude/revolution' would be a close 2nd and 'hello, goodbye/ i am the walrus' 3rd"

*From Terry McCabe, Maple Park, Illinois:

The greatest 45 rpm record of all time is 'Penny Lane'/'Strawberry Fields Forever.'

My selection as the greatest rock and roll 45 of all time is Elvis's two-sided monster hit: 'Don't be Cruel' (side A) and 'Hound Dog' (side B). And I didn't have to ask my parents. I'm a retired oldies rock and roll jock

Best 45 of all time was the Beatles "Let It Be" with the flip side being "You Know My Name (look up the number)."

*Jim Cammisa, Alexandria VA:

"Creedence Clearwater Revival had a bunch of 45s that had hits on both sides. "

Hey, Lexmark. Your recent batch of IBM Easystrike Superior Write Correctable Ribbon from my IMB Personal Wheelwriter 2 typewriter STINKS! And it's been happening a mite too frequently lately.

STEPPIN' OUT- THE 12 STEP RADIO SHOW, A 12 STEP MEETING ON THE AIR IS NOW ON IN NEW YORK ON:
WOR RADIO 710 AM
EVERY SATURDAY AFTER MIDNIGHT
FROM 1AM TO 3AM

And now more useless information from "The Book of Useless Information."
-The average bank cashier loses $310 a year
-A regulation golf ball has 336 dimples
-A hockey puck is one-inch thick
-A normal raindrop falls at about 7 miles per hour
-Buzz Aldrin's mother's maiden name was Moon.

It's time for "Another One of My Ideas That Did Not Get On The Show".
While the new ACT 5 was being written about the Carson Creaser, I pitched the tag line, "You'll be pleased with the pleat."
This concludes another installment of, "Another One of My Ideas That Did Not Get On The Show."

And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world's longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . I think.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Magnolia, Delaware, it's Nancy Mock
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER