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THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Senator Barack Obama; Halle Berry; and 2007 Masters Champion, Zach Johnson.
PLUS: Highlights from the Masters; True Tales of New York City Accountants; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; and a Special Top Ten.
“. . . . and now, embattled Attorney General . . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1:
Did you watch the Masters this weekend? Dave calls Tiger Woods the greatest athlete of this century and the last century. I might agree. He is so much better than everybody else at what he does. It’s him, then everybody else. Dave watched the Masters and noticed something a bit odd. He knows the people at Augusta, Georgia and at CBS try to make the Master golf tournament better and lovelier than it actually is, either by painting the greens green or painting the sand traps white. But he thinks they went too far with this. We see a clip from the Masters. We see a golfer lining up a putt. We hear the sweet twinkle of chirping birds. Soon, the bird chirps get louder and louder. And then the sounds of the jungle creep in; a chimpanzee, a lion, an elephant; a macaw. Hey, they aren’t native to Augusta!
This wasn’t so farfetched. Years ago during the CBS broadcast of the Masters, bird chirps were added to some of the scenic shots. Bird fans at home took note and realized something wasn’t quite right. They noticed that the birds they were hearing were not native to Augusta, Georgia. They demanded an explanation. CBS had to admit they slipped in tweeting birds to add to the ambiance. They immediately stopped the practice when called on it.
And CBS and the Professional Golfers’ Association were embarrassed again when the anticipated a Tiger Woods win. He was only a shot back during play on Sunday. Did you hear their congratulatory message to the eventual winner? We see the clip. Announcer: “The Professional Golfers’ Association wishes to extend a hearty congratulations to the winner of the 2007 Masters, Tige . . . . Zach Johnson! Congratulations, Tig . . . . Zach. A message from the PGA.”
It’s tax time and thousands of local accountants are hard at work. Tonight, we paid tribute to these unsung heroes with a segment called, TRUE TALES OF NEW YORK CITY ACCOUNTANTS. Here we featured David Gronsbell of “David Gronsbell and Company.”
We see Gronsbell hard at work on a tax form. He narrates his error of using form G instead of form H. He says of his mistake, “Oh, my, I haven’t laughed so hard in my life.”
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES: We see FDR. We see JFK. We see George W. Bush: “I won’t say his name. I’d probably bungle his name. I’ll just say the guy is from Hawaii.”
ACT 2 TOP TEN – Things I Can Say Now That I’ve Won the Masters. #6. Even I’ve never heard of me. #4. I just wrote down “3” for every hole. Nobody checked. #1. Thanks to Global Warming, next year I’m playing without pants.
ACT 3-4 SENATOR BARACK OBAMA: The junior Senator from the great state of Illinois.
I checked out his website to find some background information. Whenever we have a United States Senator on the program, I am never sure if it’s “United States Senator FROM Illinois” or “United States Senator OF Illinois.” I checked Obama’s website. He has “United States Senator FOR Illinois.” Dang it. I never considered that one. Hillary Clinton has “United States Senator From New York.” Ted Kennedy has “United States Senator For Massachusetts. Frank Lautenberg has “United States Senator For New Jersey.” Joe Lieberman has “United States Senator From Connecticut.”
I’ll pursue this further at another time.
“Still smoking?” Dave asks. The Senator says he’s on the gum right now, trying to kick the nasty habit. He blames his wife for the secret getting out. She let it be known that if anyone catches him smoking to remind him of its evil. . . . and to report it to her. Dave understands, but adds that it might be fun to have a President who smokes. Dave then performs his “smoking President” impersonation.
Is it fun being a United States Senator? Senator Obama says it more fun now that the Democrats are in the majority. Now he and his party mates can at least stop from things from happening.
The war in Iraq? Obama says it is obvious we can’t stay the course. There are now no good options in Iraq, only bad options and worse options. And what have we learned from this situation in Iraq? For one, we can’t go to war under false intelligence.
And we have set ourselves back in our influence around the world. That needs to be mended.
And how about that suit the Senator is wearing? Dave says he would vote for Barack on that alone. Nice suit.
Barack’s campaign has raised $25 million in the first quarter and Hillary nearly as much. The Democratic Party has some highly qualified and desirable candidates for the 2008 run for the President. Could the expected tough battle in the Democratic Primaries hurt the party? And how about a powerful ticket of Obama AND Hillary for the run? Barack wonders aloud, “What order are we talking about here?” Dave says he is talking Barack for President and Hillary for V.P., but admits if she were here he would reverse it.
Says Senator Obama, (taken from the DrudgeReport) “No, you don’t run for second. I don’t believe in that.” He continues, “I think all the candidates are in to win and one of the things about the process is by the end of it, after having gone through all the debates and all the campaigning out in various states, people get a pretty good sense of who various candidates are and, but I think we’re all on the same team. We’re all Democrats. I think most of us want to see a healthcare system that provides coverage to everybody. Most of want to see an education system that gives opportunity to every kid. All of us think that we’ve got to start getting our troops out of Iraq, and so really what we’re doing is we’re trying out for quarterback.”
The Senator says he and his wife sat down with their daughters, 8 and 5, and told them about his run for President. Their reaction: “Does this mean we can get a dog now?”
How is his family handling the grueling campaign trail?
Barack: "I take my kids occasionally. Malia, who's eight, Sasha, who's five, we take them on the campaign trail and they see these big crowds. I ask them sometimes: 'How's it going?' and the last time I did that, my eight-year old turned to me and said: 'This is terrific, daddy, but what are we doing here again?"'
Senator Barack Obama – I like him, but I have to wonder about anyone who would put themselves through a presidential campaign. For me, it’s so far so good for Senator Obama.
ACT 5
Senator Barack Obama signing autographs and mingling with the public out on 53rd Street.
ACT 6-7 HALLE BERRY: She’s in the new film, Perfect Stranger. It opens on Friday . . . the 13th. Besides my wife, is there a prettier woman than Halle Berry? As Dave put it when describing Ms. Berry: “This is the definition of lovely.”
Dave wonders out of the blue, “Would you ever go out with a really old guy?” Halle thinks, looks at Dave, and says “No.” Dave laughs. Halle quickly explains to Dave that he isn’t a really old guy. “You make 60 look good!”
What does she think of Senator Obama? Has she ever met him? Halle says she did meet Barack Obama at Oprah’s house. WOW! How’s that for a blockbuster house party! Personally, when I go to a house party I really don’t care who is there. What makes a house party great is the amount of little hot dogs they have. Nothing’s better than little hot dogs with Gulden’s. The more the better. For the same reason, it’s why I think the cocktail party is the best part of a wedding.
Halle is also in this month’s Esquire. You can find some very lovely photos of Ms. Berry in there. And what a coincidence! Dave is in the same issue advertising a hot tub. How about that! Perfect Stranger – starring Halle Berry and Bruce Willis. It’s creepy . . . really really creepy. It opens this Friday.
And that was our show for Monday April 9, 2007.
Since we are now ending the show with a guest at the desk or a musical performance, I will now refer to the close of the show as the ACT 7.
The Cleveland Indians have had their home games snowed out and for the next few days will play their home games in Milwaukee. And there’s a joke in there somewhere.
I have a question about the American Idol voting. Who tabulates the votes, and can the producers of “Idol” manipulate the count? This Sanjaya dude was added some spice to the season, but if he wins it could be disastrous for the show in the long run.
I was watching the March Madness Finals last week between Ohio State and Florida. During a break in play, I flipped the channels and found the ION television channel was airing back-to-back episodes of “The Wonder Years.” The game immediately took a back seat. I like The Wonder Years. In the episodes I saw, Kevin was nervous to act on his crush with Winnie.
Oh, and may I nominate the Georgia Dome in Atlanta for “Ugliest Basketball Court.”
I know it’s too late, but I was hoping for Pat Summit to be named the new coach for the Kentucky men’s basketball team?
Hey, Imus, sing it next time. You can say anything just as long as it’s in a song.
My local gin mill may be closed. I got more than a little nervous when I saw it wasn’t open for business on April 1st, the first of the month. I hoped it was just a one day Palm Sunday kind of thing. But then it was closed all week. I then hoped it was just an Easter vacation week with the owner and barkeeps being away on vacation. I didn’t see any life in the place on my drive in Monday morning and wouldn’t know more until I drove home. Is this the end of the Depot? Of J.V’s? Of Bilbos? Or any other name the place has been called in the last 25 years.
I had a feeling the place was in its last days when the taps were removed a while back. When the taps are gone, it’s time to start playing taps.
My 5th grade girls are on a traveling basketball team. It’s their first year on the traveling team and it looks to be a grinding weekend schedule through mid-June. They had their first tournament last week and won two games and lost one. They lost to a darn good team, though many suspect the squad they lost to was made of girls older than the league rule of 5th grade maximum. I won’t say one way or the other, but their girls looked so old some even had mustaches.
I came across a book entitled The Book of Useless Information by Noel Botham and the Useless Information Society. It’s a perfect book for the Wahoo Gazette. I love useless fun facts. Here’s a fun fact: you read fun facts here in the Wahoo Gazette before you ever saw LATE SHOW Fun Facts on the TV. Here are some Fun Facts from “The Book of Useless Information” about squirrels.
- It is estimated that millions of trees are planted by forgetful squirrels.
- Squirrels can climb trees faster than they can run on the ground.
- Squirrels may live 15 to 20 years in captivity, but their life span in the wild is often only about a year. They fall prey to disease, malnutrition, predators, cars, and humans.
- a squirrel cannot contract or spread the rabies virus.
And now “My Idea That Will Never Make It On The Show”
Have you seen the new sugar-free Peeps? Dave holds up a nicely wrapped pack of Peeps. There is nothing inside.
This concludes another installment of “My Idea That Will Never Make It On The Show.”
The Wahoo Gazette: Doing Fun Facts before the Late Show.
And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world’s longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . I think.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
It was his birthday last week, 1976 Ramapo High School graduate, Bobby “Dewey” O’Neill.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Original Air Date: 4/9/07
Senator Barack Obama; Halle Berry; and 2007 Masters Champion, Zach Johnson.
PLUS: Highlights from the Masters; True Tales of New York City Accountants; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; and a Special Top Ten.
“. . . . and now, embattled Attorney General . . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1:
Did you watch the Masters this weekend? Dave calls Tiger Woods the greatest athlete of this century and the last century. I might agree. He is so much better than everybody else at what he does. It’s him, then everybody else. Dave watched the Masters and noticed something a bit odd. He knows the people at Augusta, Georgia and at CBS try to make the Master golf tournament better and lovelier than it actually is, either by painting the greens green or painting the sand traps white. But he thinks they went too far with this. We see a clip from the Masters. We see a golfer lining up a putt. We hear the sweet twinkle of chirping birds. Soon, the bird chirps get louder and louder. And then the sounds of the jungle creep in; a chimpanzee, a lion, an elephant; a macaw. Hey, they aren’t native to Augusta!
This wasn’t so farfetched. Years ago during the CBS broadcast of the Masters, bird chirps were added to some of the scenic shots. Bird fans at home took note and realized something wasn’t quite right. They noticed that the birds they were hearing were not native to Augusta, Georgia. They demanded an explanation. CBS had to admit they slipped in tweeting birds to add to the ambiance. They immediately stopped the practice when called on it.
And CBS and the Professional Golfers’ Association were embarrassed again when the anticipated a Tiger Woods win. He was only a shot back during play on Sunday. Did you hear their congratulatory message to the eventual winner? We see the clip. Announcer: “The Professional Golfers’ Association wishes to extend a hearty congratulations to the winner of the 2007 Masters, Tige . . . . Zach Johnson! Congratulations, Tig . . . . Zach. A message from the PGA.”
It’s tax time and thousands of local accountants are hard at work. Tonight, we paid tribute to these unsung heroes with a segment called, TRUE TALES OF NEW YORK CITY ACCOUNTANTS. Here we featured David Gronsbell of “David Gronsbell and Company.”
We see Gronsbell hard at work on a tax form. He narrates his error of using form G instead of form H. He says of his mistake, “Oh, my, I haven’t laughed so hard in my life.”
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES: We see FDR. We see JFK. We see George W. Bush: “I won’t say his name. I’d probably bungle his name. I’ll just say the guy is from Hawaii.”
ACT 2 TOP TEN – Things I Can Say Now That I’ve Won the Masters. #6. Even I’ve never heard of me. #4. I just wrote down “3” for every hole. Nobody checked. #1. Thanks to Global Warming, next year I’m playing without pants.
ACT 3-4 SENATOR BARACK OBAMA: The junior Senator from the great state of Illinois.
I checked out his website to find some background information. Whenever we have a United States Senator on the program, I am never sure if it’s “United States Senator FROM Illinois” or “United States Senator OF Illinois.” I checked Obama’s website. He has “United States Senator FOR Illinois.” Dang it. I never considered that one. Hillary Clinton has “United States Senator From New York.” Ted Kennedy has “United States Senator For Massachusetts. Frank Lautenberg has “United States Senator For New Jersey.” Joe Lieberman has “United States Senator From Connecticut.”
I’ll pursue this further at another time.
“Still smoking?” Dave asks. The Senator says he’s on the gum right now, trying to kick the nasty habit. He blames his wife for the secret getting out. She let it be known that if anyone catches him smoking to remind him of its evil. . . . and to report it to her. Dave understands, but adds that it might be fun to have a President who smokes. Dave then performs his “smoking President” impersonation.
Is it fun being a United States Senator? Senator Obama says it more fun now that the Democrats are in the majority. Now he and his party mates can at least stop from things from happening.
The war in Iraq? Obama says it is obvious we can’t stay the course. There are now no good options in Iraq, only bad options and worse options. And what have we learned from this situation in Iraq? For one, we can’t go to war under false intelligence.
And we have set ourselves back in our influence around the world. That needs to be mended.
And how about that suit the Senator is wearing? Dave says he would vote for Barack on that alone. Nice suit.
Barack’s campaign has raised $25 million in the first quarter and Hillary nearly as much. The Democratic Party has some highly qualified and desirable candidates for the 2008 run for the President. Could the expected tough battle in the Democratic Primaries hurt the party? And how about a powerful ticket of Obama AND Hillary for the run? Barack wonders aloud, “What order are we talking about here?” Dave says he is talking Barack for President and Hillary for V.P., but admits if she were here he would reverse it.
Says Senator Obama, (taken from the DrudgeReport) “No, you don’t run for second. I don’t believe in that.” He continues, “I think all the candidates are in to win and one of the things about the process is by the end of it, after having gone through all the debates and all the campaigning out in various states, people get a pretty good sense of who various candidates are and, but I think we’re all on the same team. We’re all Democrats. I think most of us want to see a healthcare system that provides coverage to everybody. Most of want to see an education system that gives opportunity to every kid. All of us think that we’ve got to start getting our troops out of Iraq, and so really what we’re doing is we’re trying out for quarterback.”
The Senator says he and his wife sat down with their daughters, 8 and 5, and told them about his run for President. Their reaction: “Does this mean we can get a dog now?”
How is his family handling the grueling campaign trail?
Barack: "I take my kids occasionally. Malia, who's eight, Sasha, who's five, we take them on the campaign trail and they see these big crowds. I ask them sometimes: 'How's it going?' and the last time I did that, my eight-year old turned to me and said: 'This is terrific, daddy, but what are we doing here again?"'
Senator Barack Obama – I like him, but I have to wonder about anyone who would put themselves through a presidential campaign. For me, it’s so far so good for Senator Obama.
ACT 5
Senator Barack Obama signing autographs and mingling with the public out on 53rd Street.
ACT 6-7 HALLE BERRY: She’s in the new film, Perfect Stranger. It opens on Friday . . . the 13th. Besides my wife, is there a prettier woman than Halle Berry? As Dave put it when describing Ms. Berry: “This is the definition of lovely.”
Dave wonders out of the blue, “Would you ever go out with a really old guy?” Halle thinks, looks at Dave, and says “No.” Dave laughs. Halle quickly explains to Dave that he isn’t a really old guy. “You make 60 look good!”
What does she think of Senator Obama? Has she ever met him? Halle says she did meet Barack Obama at Oprah’s house. WOW! How’s that for a blockbuster house party! Personally, when I go to a house party I really don’t care who is there. What makes a house party great is the amount of little hot dogs they have. Nothing’s better than little hot dogs with Gulden’s. The more the better. For the same reason, it’s why I think the cocktail party is the best part of a wedding.
Halle is also in this month’s Esquire. You can find some very lovely photos of Ms. Berry in there. And what a coincidence! Dave is in the same issue advertising a hot tub. How about that! Perfect Stranger – starring Halle Berry and Bruce Willis. It’s creepy . . . really really creepy. It opens this Friday.
And that was our show for Monday April 9, 2007.
Since we are now ending the show with a guest at the desk or a musical performance, I will now refer to the close of the show as the ACT 7.
The Cleveland Indians have had their home games snowed out and for the next few days will play their home games in Milwaukee. And there’s a joke in there somewhere.
I have a question about the American Idol voting. Who tabulates the votes, and can the producers of “Idol” manipulate the count? This Sanjaya dude was added some spice to the season, but if he wins it could be disastrous for the show in the long run.
I was watching the March Madness Finals last week between Ohio State and Florida. During a break in play, I flipped the channels and found the ION television channel was airing back-to-back episodes of “The Wonder Years.” The game immediately took a back seat. I like The Wonder Years. In the episodes I saw, Kevin was nervous to act on his crush with Winnie.
Oh, and may I nominate the Georgia Dome in Atlanta for “Ugliest Basketball Court.”
I know it’s too late, but I was hoping for Pat Summit to be named the new coach for the Kentucky men’s basketball team?
Hey, Imus, sing it next time. You can say anything just as long as it’s in a song.
My local gin mill may be closed. I got more than a little nervous when I saw it wasn’t open for business on April 1st, the first of the month. I hoped it was just a one day Palm Sunday kind of thing. But then it was closed all week. I then hoped it was just an Easter vacation week with the owner and barkeeps being away on vacation. I didn’t see any life in the place on my drive in Monday morning and wouldn’t know more until I drove home. Is this the end of the Depot? Of J.V’s? Of Bilbos? Or any other name the place has been called in the last 25 years.
I had a feeling the place was in its last days when the taps were removed a while back. When the taps are gone, it’s time to start playing taps.
My 5th grade girls are on a traveling basketball team. It’s their first year on the traveling team and it looks to be a grinding weekend schedule through mid-June. They had their first tournament last week and won two games and lost one. They lost to a darn good team, though many suspect the squad they lost to was made of girls older than the league rule of 5th grade maximum. I won’t say one way or the other, but their girls looked so old some even had mustaches.
I came across a book entitled The Book of Useless Information by Noel Botham and the Useless Information Society. It’s a perfect book for the Wahoo Gazette. I love useless fun facts. Here’s a fun fact: you read fun facts here in the Wahoo Gazette before you ever saw LATE SHOW Fun Facts on the TV. Here are some Fun Facts from “The Book of Useless Information” about squirrels.
- It is estimated that millions of trees are planted by forgetful squirrels.
- Squirrels can climb trees faster than they can run on the ground.
- Squirrels may live 15 to 20 years in captivity, but their life span in the wild is often only about a year. They fall prey to disease, malnutrition, predators, cars, and humans.
- a squirrel cannot contract or spread the rabies virus.
And now “My Idea That Will Never Make It On The Show”
Have you seen the new sugar-free Peeps? Dave holds up a nicely wrapped pack of Peeps. There is nothing inside.
This concludes another installment of “My Idea That Will Never Make It On The Show.”
The Wahoo Gazette: Doing Fun Facts before the Late Show.
And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world’s longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . I think.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
It was his birthday last week, 1976 Ramapo High School graduate, Bobby “Dewey” O’Neill.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
ACT 1 • Show Open • Dave's Monologue Watch now • Masters Sound Effects • A Message from the PGA • True Tales of New York CIty Accountants • Great Moments in Presidential Speeches
ACT 2 • Top Ten List with 2007 Masters Champ, Zach Johnson Watch now
