COLD OPEN: Dave and Jude backstage. Dave is reading a newspaper.
Dave mentions that David Beckham signed to play soccer for the L.A. Galaxy for $250 million and in his first game only played 12 minutes.
Jude: "My God, we may have found someone more overpaid than you."
Dave agrees with a laugh then realizes what Jude had said. "Hey, I heard that."

Monologue joke: "Washington is buzzing about Hillary Clinton's sexier look. Honestly, I haven't seen that much cleavage on display in the Senate since Ted Kennedy."
I always enjoy a good Ted Kennedy joke. I also enjoy a bad Ted Kennedy joke. Doesn't matter.

". . . . and now, you remember him as Jabba the Hutt . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1
You're here on a special night. We have a camera in Yellowstone National Park in Wyoming pointed towards Old Faithful. We hope to see it erupt tonight on the show. A few years ago people in Yellowstone's R&D determined it would be good for business to install some geysers. People like to see geysers so that's what they did. And we have a camera out there right now being manned by a fellow named Walt.
We go to Yellowstone. We see a smoldering Old Faithful. Dave talks to the cameraman, Walt. Walt does not answer but can communicate by nodding or shaking the camera.
Dave: "Can you hear me, Walt?" We wait a beat, and then the camera nods up and down.
Dave likens this to a hostage situation.
Dave: "Do they have weapons?" Walk moves the camera side to side as if to say "no." We may not see the Old Faithful erupt as it just went off moments before we came on. Walt isn't too optimistic that Old Faithful will go off.
Dave requests the camera to turn so we can see the Old Faithful Lodge. And we go a full 360 degrees? The camera begins to spin but soon stops. Walt signals he cannot do a full 360 with a few shakes of the camera.
We see a Ranger walking by keeping tabs of the goings on. Any chance she's go off in the next hour? Walt's camera responds in the negative. We'll keep a close eye on this during the show.

Chief Justice of the United States John Roberts was hospitalized yesterday after suffering what doctors characterize as a seizure. The Bush Administration was quick to point out that he was just fine.
Announcer:

"Yesterday, Chief Justice John Roberts collapse after suffering a benign idiopathic seizure and was described as 'ashen' and 'foaming at the mouth.' In response to this, Vice President Cheney would just like to say . . . 'collapsed . . . . ashen . . . . foaming at the mouth . . . . Hell, that's me on a good day.' Cheney: More machine than man."

Dave read an interesting report today regarding women in the workplace. We watch this announcement.
Announcer:

"A new study reveals that one reason why women are paid less than men is due to the fact that men are more likely to actually ask for a raise. Women, therefore, are urged to learn to speak up in the workplace." Cut to a scene from "The View" of the cackling panel.
"Enough! 'The View' --- shut the hell up."

ACT 2 Old faithful
TOP TEN: Signs President Bush Needs a Vacation
3. So overworked, he's pronouncing words correctly. Boo-ya!

We go back to Old Faithful and while we watch and wait, Dave reads some fun facts about Old Faithful:

YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL PARK, WYOMING OLD FAITHFUL FUN FACTS
-OLD FAITHFUL WAS NAMED IN 1870 DURING THE WASHBURN-LANGFORD-DOANE EXPEDITION AND WAS THE FIRST GEYSER IN THE PARK TO RECEIVE A NAME
-AN ERUPTION CAN SHOOT UP TO 8,400 GALLONS OF BOILING WATER TO A HEIGHT OF 184 FEET
-EACH ERUPTION LASTS FROM ONE-AND-A-HALF TO 5 MINUTES
-OLD FAITHFUL ERUPTS, ON AVERAGE, EVERY 91 MINUTES
-OLD FAITHFUL IS ONE OF MORE THAN 300 GEYSERS IN YELLOWSTONE, WHICH IS NEARLY HALF THE GEYSERS FOUND IN THE WORLD
-OLD FAITHFUL IS A CONE GEYSER, WHICH ERUPTS IN A NARROW JET OF WATER FROM A CONE-SHAPED SPOUT ON THE SURFACE.
-A FOUNTAIN GEYSER SHOOTS WATER IN VARIOUS DIRECTIONS, ERUPTING FROM A POOL

Old Faithful still hasn't blown. But don't worry, our cue card boy Tony Mendez will re-enact an earlier Old Faithful eruption.
Tony takes a big swig of water and positions himself under the camera. The camera shot cuts to Dave at the desk. And then Tony blows the water out of his mouth, like Old Faithful itself. I think it looked more like a Fountain Geyser than a Cone Geyser.

ACT 3
SETH ROGEN: writer, producer and star of the film, "Superbad." Do all these "new" guys look alike?
Dave complains of being sick in July. Has Seth ever been sick during the summer? Seth has, and it stinks. You're already sweaty, gross, and clammy; being sick only makes you feel sweatier, grosser, and clammier. When he moved out of his house at 18, he got sick and didn't know what to do. He didn't want to call mommy because he wanted to show his independence and maturity. He and his friends came up with this brilliant idea: a St. Bernard carries a little barrel of bourbon around its neck to help the sick, so bourbon must be good for you. After 10 bourbons and OJs, Seth did feel much better. Sounds good, Doctor Rogen. I wish you were on my plan.

Was Seth trouble as a kid growing up? Uhhh, yeah. He says he's learned this and he would like to pass it on to the kids: If you are underage and drunk at a party, don't hug a cop. He tried it and it didn't turn out well. In a stupor, he went to hug a cop. To a cop, a hug is equivalent to an attack. The cop quickly put him down to the ground and barked, "You don't hug a cop!" Seth thought that was sad, but he got the message. As a former cop, I think it all depends on who is doing the hugging. If Seth tried to hug me, I probably would have reacted the same way as the cop in his story. His film, "Superbad" is described by Dave as a good representation of "the ongoing frustration and angst with adolescents." It opens August 17th.

ACT 4
ALAN KALTER: Alan Kalter, one of the finest, if not THE finest announcer in the business, approached Dave before the show to request some time on the program. Dave was more than happy to give Alan this time.
Alan: "Thanks, DL. Troubled starlet Lindsay Lohan was arrested last week for driving under the influence and cocaine possession. Many observers have said this is a cry for help, and that's where I come in."
Lights lower, sexy sax music is heard. Alan turns to another camera and speaks in his low, sensual voice.
Alan: "'What's shakin', girl? I hear you like to go fast. Well, if you're looking for a pulse-pounding thrill ride, why don't you climb on board Red Papi's high-octane Kalter-cycle. You may have failed the Breathalyzer, but any woman who can blow a point-one-two can handle what I've got . . . ."
Alan suddenly stops, unable to go on with this questionable material. He isn't proud of what he just did.
Alan: (to Dave) "I'm sorry, Dave, I can't do this. These segments are always good for a chuckle, but dammit, this is no laughing matter. I call on everyone close to Lindsay to help her through these difficult times. Especially her mother, Dina Lohan. . . . "
Lights lower, sexy sax music is heard. Alan turns to another camera and speaks in his low, sensual voice.
Alan: "What's crackin', Mommy? If things are getting too crazy for you, I'd be happy to help provide some firm guidance. And in return, maybe you can help guide my firmness. We'll meet over a glass of brandy, and next thing you know, your blood-Kalter level will be skyrocketing. Before long, our sweat-glistening bodies will grind rhythmically, forming one heaving bowl on love salad." Moans.
DAVE: "Okay, Alan, that's enough. I think you owe everyone here an apology."
ALAN: "You're right, Dave. I'd like to apologize to everyone in the audience." Lights lower, sexy sax music is heard. Alan turns to another camera and speaks in his low, sensual voice.
ALAN: "Especially the ladies . . . ."
DAVE: "That's enough! Stop it! Alan Kalter, ladies and gentlemen."

ACT 5
OLD FAITHFUL: There she blows!

ACT 6
SENATOR JOE BIDEN: The 6-term Senator from Delaware and now a Democratic candidate for President. His new book, "Promises To Keep" is in stores now.
Dave says he's available if Biden is looking for a running mate. Dave is willing to be the V.P. who is willing to drop out and take the blame when things go wrong. Hmmm, sounds like Dave really wants to be a Production Assistant!

Senator Biden is in his 6th term and was just a kid when elected the first time. He wasn't even old enough to be a United States Senator. He was 29 when elected and you must be 30 to take office. He turned 30 by the time he was sworn in.
His first time in the Senate chamber was actually years earlier when he was 21. It was a quiet morning and the room was virtually empty. This was before there was the tight security you find today and he just . . . . walked in as if he belonged. He sat down, let his mind dream a little bit . . . and then he felt the long arm of the law clamp down on his neck. It was a member of the Capitol police. Biden was taken away and given a good scare. 9 years later Senator Joe Biden returned as an "invited" guest as a member of the U.S. Senate. A Capitol policeman stopped him. The cop said, "Senator Biden, do you remember me?" Biden said, "No, sir, I don't. The cop smiled and said, "I arrested you right here ten years ago."
So what did it feel like when he entered the Senate at such a young age. Senator Biden says it actually wasn't a very good time in his life. After he was elected but before taking office, his wife and daughter died in a car accident, and his two young sons were badly injured. He considered giving up his seat in the Senate but was encouraged by other to give it 6 months. And 6 months have turned in to 6 terms. How did he get through it? It was extremely difficult but he always remembered what his father would always say; no matter what happens, you have to "get up." Just "get up" and keep going. He got through those times with lots of help. He mentioned his sister who moved in to help without being asked. It's a family saying; "If you have to ask, it's too late." His sister moved in immediately. When Senator Biden married 5 years later, his sister then moved out.
This is Senator Biden's 2nd run at the Presidency; his first run was back in 1998. The campaign fell apart following the accusation of plagiarism. In speeches he gave, he had been using some language from a political ad he had seen. He always attributed it to the man who originally said it, but in one campaign stop he forgot to. He immediately realized his mistake but moved on. A reporter picked upon this and wrote a negative article accusing Biden of plagiarism. Things snowballed and the Genie was out of the bottle and it could not be put back in. The campaign derailed from there. Biden wanted to mention the oversight as soon as he realized what he had done but was overruled by his handlers. He regrets not following his instincts.

Who will I vote for President? I don't know. I hope to decide about a week before the election. That's 16 months away, people. 16 months.

ACT 7
GOGOL BORDELLO: From their CD, "Super Taranta!", Gogol Bordello performed "Wonderlust King."

And that was our show for Tuesday, July 31, 2007.



Geyser - from widipedia, I think. A geyser is a type of hot spring that erupts periodically, ejecting a column of hot water and steam into the air. The name geyser comes from Geysir, the name of an erupting spring at Haukadalur, Iceland; that name, in turn, comes from the Icelandic verb gjosa, "to gush".
The formation of geysers requires a favourable hydrogeology which exists in only a few places on Earth, and so they are fairly rare phenomena. About 1,000 exist worldwide, with about half of these in Yellowstone National Park, U.S..
Geyser activity, like all hot spring activity, is caused by surface water gradually seeping down through the ground until it meets rock heated by magma. The geothermally heated water then rises back toward the surface by convection through porous and fractured rock. Geysers differ from noneruptive hot springs in their subterranean structure; many consist of a small vent at the surface connected to one or more narrow tubes that lead to underground reservoirs of water.
As the geyser fills, the water at the top of the column cools off, but because of the narrowness of the channel, convective cooling of the water in the reservoir is impossible. The cooler water above presses down on the hotter water beneath, not unlike the lid of a pressure cooker, allowing the water in the reservoir to become superheated, i.e. to remain liquid at temperatures well above the boiling point.
Ultimately, the temperatures near the bottom of the geyser rise to a point where boiling begins; steam bubbles rise to the top of the column. As they burst through the geyser's vent, some water overflows or splashes out, reducing the weight of the column and thus the pressure on the water underneath. With this release of pressure, the superheated water flashes into steam, boiling violently throughout the column. The resulting froth of expanding steam and hot water then sprays out of the geyser.
Eventually the water remaining in the geyser cools back to below the boiling point and the eruption ends; heated groundwater begins seeping back into the reservoir, and the whole cycle begins again.

Yankee Alex Rodriguez is stuck at 499 home runs. One more and he joins the exclusive 500 Club. But he's hit a snag. He's now 0 for 17 with 5 strikeouts since he hit #499.
Uh oh. A little bit of self-imposed pressure and he goes 0 for 17, with 5 strike outs. Will he perform this way in playoff pressure? Psshhht. It's just a coincidence, I tell you. A-Rod will be fine in October. He's impervious to pressure. Who cares if the Yankees hit a team record 8 home runs last night and he wasn't involved in any of them. The guy is rock solid. He'll be fine in the playoffs. He always has been. Pressure? The guy laughs at pressure.

But when you think of it, except for SCUBA divers, all pressure is self-imposed.

It's out! It's here! Rock Wilk's new solo album, "Broke Wide Open" comes out today. Find out more on his website, www.wilkmusic.com.

Last week I mentioned how I surmised that Chief Ironside (Raymond Burr on the TV show, "Ironside") and Ol' Leadbottom (Captain Binghamton on TV's "McHale's Navy") probably got their nicknames the same way, by getting shot in the ass. This revelation came to my while stuck in traffic during my morning commute. Well, I guess I was wrong. Ironside was the actual name of Raymond Burr's character, not a nickname.

From Jon Solomonson of Orlando, Florida:

"Just to clarify: 'Leadbottom' was a nickname. Ironside was the last name of Raymond Burr's character-- Robert T. Ironside. My Dad was a HUGE Ironside fan. I watched it every week with him."

*And now, even more useless information from "The Ultimate Book of Useless Information" by Neil Botham & The Useless Information Society.
- President Andrew Jackson's pet parrot had to be removed from his funeral in 1845 because it was swearing
- George Washington named his three foxhounds Drunkard, Tippler, and Tipsy
- Houdini actually trained his pet dog to escape from a miniature set of handcuffs
- Henry Ford never had a driver's license
- Some American Indians did not eat turkey meat because they believed killing such a timid bird showed laziness

And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world's longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . oops, no it isn't.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Rensselaer Drive in Spring Valley, New York, it's Rock Wilk
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER