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WAHOO GAZETTE LATE SHOW staffer Mike McIntee gives you a daily show summary and the behind-the-scenes lowdown with his daily Wahoo Gazette. So much juicy inside information that you'll say "Wahoo!"
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Amy Sedaris; and Will Arnett. PLUS:Nicole Richie’s Punishment; The Mother Teresa Letters; a Walrus Penis; a Top Ten; Will It Float; Fun Facts; and a Guy Attempts to Do a Flip Over a Cab on 53rd Street.
“ . . . and now, pinch-hitting for John Smoltz . . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1
Recently we have had a guy on 53rd Street jumping over a cab with a pogo stick; doing a somersault over a car; doing a flip over a car and slam dunking a basketball; and hurdling three cars. Tonight we have Henry Holloway who will do a flip over a cab while wearing stilts. He will attempt this tremendous feat later in the show. Henry will be using something called “Velocity Stilts.” Has he ever tried jumping over a moving car? Henry says, “No, but I have a friend that did.” Oops! Maybe we should have . . . . hmmm. . . . never mind.
Some of Mother Teresa’s letters were recently made public for the first time, and they offer a fresh new insight into one of the world’s most beloved figures. We had another excerpt with us tonight. The Mother Teresa Letters. Announce: “November 8, 1986 - In my life, I have witnessed many miracles, but today I saw something I may never be able to explain. I don’t know how Arby’s can sell its bacon beef’n cheddar melt for only $2.99, but you are truly doing the Lord’s work. Sincerely, Mother Teresa.”
Something very very strange happened in California the other day. We watch. Announce: “A fossilized walrus penis was auctioned in Beverly Hills for $8,000. Unfortunately, we now believe the penis may not have belonged to a walrus, but to Wilfred Brimley. Sorry ‘bout that, Wilfred.
A message from the National Council of Walrus Penises.”
Dave contemplates, “Imagine Wilfred Brimley going downtown and trying to claim it.”
Although she was sentenced to four days in jail, Nicole Richie was required to serve only 82 minutes. Some people say she got off easy, but authorities insist it was enough time to send the necessary message. Announce: “Because of overcrowding, Nicole Richie was released from jail after serving just over an hour of her four-day sentence. But can one hour of grueling punishment really be a miserable enough punishment to change a person forever? Just ask anyone who’s been in the studio audience for a Late Show taping.
The Late Show: Scaring audiences straight since 1993.
I heard Nicole was released after only 82 minutes because of overcrowding in the jails. Have you seen the size of Nicole Richie? She would be the last person to cause overcrowding anywhere.
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES
We see FDR.
We see JFK.
We see George W. Bush: “Rutenberg, today’s your birthday? How old are you? How old are you? Huh?”
ACT 2 FUN FACTS – we had a lot of them. Some day you’ll understand.
ACT 3 TOP TEN: Signs You Have a Bad Job 10. Some people share an office. You share a chair. 6. At least once a day you get kicked in the nuts by a goat.
(does it really matter what kicks you in the nuts?)
HENRY HOLLOWAY: let’s take a look. Henry is out on 53rd Street bouncing on his “velocity stilts.” When I was a kid, our stilts were made from some tossed 2X4s and a block of wood nailed three feet up into each of the 8-foot pieces of wood. Henry’s velocity stilts go for a few hundred dollars. Ours went for nothing but a little time and little effort and some nails from my father’s work area.
OK, we’re ready. Henry runs west down 53rd Street and leaps and flips over the yellow New York City taxi cab. He slips a little on the landing but keeps his balance, much to the relief of Dave and our legal department. We take another look at Henry’s dangerous leap. Nice going, Henry.
ACT 4 AMY SEDARIS: It’s always hard to put down in type what goes on when Amy Sedaris is on the show. She is full of quirky, yet very interesting side bits which make for a very entertaining guest. Dave asks about her summer while Amy takes a loud slurp of water from her LATE SHOW mug.
Amy hates the summer. She can’t wait for it to end. It’s too hot and every place you go smells like dirty hair. While talking about the summer, Amy gets the urge to check the seat cushions for loose change. She comes up with nothing. Pat Farmer sighs with relief.
Amy talks about vacations; her summer house, which is actually her regular house downtown that she dresses up to look like a summer house; a weekend trip to the Rockaways; her envy of Dave’s pool; the Emmys; the GLAAD Awards; a photo of her on the streets of New York with a kitty litter box filled with cupcakes; and her recurring role on “Rescue Me” on the FX.
Amy Sedaris: in stores now.
ACT 5
Tonight’s LATE SHOW is brought to you by Big Apple Stilts, Lexington Avenue at 48th Street. New York City’s biggest selection of velocity stilts and accessories. Mention the Late Show and get 10% off Big Apple Stilts’ already low prices. Big Apple Stilts . . . where things are always jumping!”
ACT 6 WILL IT FLOAT?
Tonight’s item: A gallon of tartar sauce. Dave objects to it being too similar to last week’s Will It Float item. What was it again? Some kind of paste. Wall paper paste. Backstage we begin to scurry to look for another possible item to drop. Happily, the tartar sauce will do.
Dave says it will float.
Paul says it will float.
The Late Show models drop the gallon of tartar sauce into the Will It Float tank and it . . . . SINKS . . . AND THEN FLOATS! Ta da!
ACT 7 WILL ARNETT: Will Arnett enters to the tune from Paul’s “Will It Float”, instead being sung “Will Arnett.” I enjoyed that.
Will spent some time in Sweden recently going to a wedding. What’s Sweden like? Will says it’s just like Canada without the bad architecture.
How are the people in Sweden? Will says they are nice, but very direct. At the wedding, Will’s father tried to help a woman down some steps with her baby stroller. She refused his help, explaining, “I will ask someone younger.” This upset his bad a bit, but there was no way it could be fixed. If you told the woman she insulted Will’s father, she would respond, “What is wrong with that? You are so old!”
Dave says there is something about Will that reminds him of someone. Will says it’s probably the voice. Will has done some voiceover work on commercials. He then gives an example of his recent work for GMC trucks. He almost makes a sale.
Will is in the new film, The Brothers Solomon. He and his brother in the film try to fulfill their father’s dying wish of having a grandchild. Both set off to find someone to father a child. Will says it was a lot of fun shooting the film and it was done in a quaint oceanfront town in California called Los Angeles. Everybody was so excited to have them around. The Brothers Solomon – It opens September 7th.
And that was ours how for Friday August 31, 2007.
In case you’re wondering:
Let me be clear; I am not gay. I never have been gay. OK, except for that one time in Reno.
I’m back under 200 pounds. I seem to have lost 10 pounds somewhere in the past two weeks. Now to knock off 20 more. I know I have a six-pack stomach under the fat. It just has to be revealed.
How could I have missed this? A few weeks ago, Yankee great and Hall of Famer, and beloved Yankee announcer Phil Rizzuto passed away a few weeks ago. The radio sports shows have been having friends and teammates tell some great stories about Mr. Rizzuto. Phil was known for being not very polished as an announcer, breaking many of the rules of broadcasting. He had his own loveable style.
My favorite Phil Rizzuto Yankee story.
Yankees vs. the Baltimore Orioles in Baltimore. Phil is in the announcing booth Frank Messer who comes from Baltimore. Frank was straight-laced and serious, but frustratingly enjoyed Phil’s antics. Frank was very proud of his hometown of Baltimore and was always lauding its great seafood and shellfish. He asked Phil during the game, hoping to promote a bit of the city of Baltimore, “Phil, what’s your favorite seafood?” Phil, without skipping a beat, says “Tuna fish.” Frank, flummoxed, answers incredulously, “Tuna fish?” Phil spouts, “Yup, tuna fish, and you won’t believe it but I was looking through the newspaper today and found a coupon at the supermarket for a can of tuna fish for 79 cents!” Frank repeats, “Tuna fish? Really?” Frank then goes on and on about the great crabs and clams and oysters found around Baltimore. Phil wasn’t having any of it. It was tuna fish for Phil, nothing else. After many minutes, Frank decided not to pursue it any longer. It was no use.
The next inning, announcer Fran Healy joins the twosome. Fran and Phil remain the best announcing team I have ever heard. If you were interested in the game, you probably would disagree. Fran really knew how to get Phil going. So Fran sits down between Frank and Phil. Fran says, “So, guys, what’s new?” Phil jumps in excitedly, “Tuna fish! 79 cents a can!” Fran, reacting with equal excitement, shouts, “79 cents a can? Where!” Phil chimes, “I saw a coupon in the newspaper!” Fran continues with over the top glee, “79 cents? Did you cut it out?” At this point, you can hear Frank Messer shout in disgust, “Oh, for crying out loud!” He exits in anger. Phil and Fran continue talking about how much they like tuna fish.
What’s the deal with schools opening in August? When did this start? And what’s the reason? Around these parts, it’s always been the first Tuesday after Labor Day, and if we were lucky, the first Wednesday after Labor Day. And this year my kids aren’t due in school till the Thursday after Labor Day. So why do so many schools open in August? Isn’t it still too hot? What’s the rush?
LABOR DAY
From the wikipedia:
Labor Day is a United States federal holiday that takes place on the first Monday in September. The holiday began in 1882, originating from a desire by the Central Labor Union to create a day off for the "working man". It is still celebrated mainly as a day of rest and marks the symbolic end of summer for many. Labor Day became a national holiday by Act of Congress in 1894.
A really old custom eschewed wearing white after Labor Day. The custom is rooted in nothing more than popular fashion etiquette. In actuality, the etiquette originally stated that white shoes were the taboo while white or "winter white" clothes were acceptable. This custom is fading from popularity as it continues to be questioned and challenged, particularly by leaders in the fashion world. "Fashion magazines are jumping on this growing trend, calling people who 'dare' to wear white after Labor Day innovative, creative, and bold. Slowly but surely, white is beginning to break free from its box, and is becoming acceptable to wear whenever one pleases. This etiquette is comparable to the Canadian fashion rule against wearing green after Remembrance Day. In the world of western attire, it is similarly tradition to wear a straw cowboy hat until Labor Day. After Labor Day, the felt hat is worn until Memorial Day.
Who knew?
MONDAY’S REPEAT Labor Day: From July 23, 2007; Show #2788 - Drew Carey; Nikki Blonsky; Grinderman; and a guy with a tennis ball launcher out on 53rd Street.
And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world’s longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . oops, no it isn’t.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Former Late Show intern, Jay Potashnick
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Amy Sedaris; and Will Arnett. PLUS:Nicole Richie’s Punishment; The Mother Teresa Letters; a Walrus Penis; a Top Ten; Will It Float; Fun Facts; and a Guy Attempts to Do a Flip Over a Cab on 53rd Street.
“ . . . and now, pinch-hitting for John Smoltz . . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1
Recently we have had a guy on 53rd Street jumping over a cab with a pogo stick; doing a somersault over a car; doing a flip over a car and slam dunking a basketball; and hurdling three cars. Tonight we have Henry Holloway who will do a flip over a cab while wearing stilts. He will attempt this tremendous feat later in the show. Henry will be using something called “Velocity Stilts.” Has he ever tried jumping over a moving car? Henry says, “No, but I have a friend that did.” Oops! Maybe we should have . . . . hmmm. . . . never mind.
Some of Mother Teresa’s letters were recently made public for the first time, and they offer a fresh new insight into one of the world’s most beloved figures. We had another excerpt with us tonight. The Mother Teresa Letters. Announce: “November 8, 1986 - In my life, I have witnessed many miracles, but today I saw something I may never be able to explain. I don’t know how Arby’s can sell its bacon beef’n cheddar melt for only $2.99, but you are truly doing the Lord’s work. Sincerely, Mother Teresa.”
Something very very strange happened in California the other day. We watch. Announce: “A fossilized walrus penis was auctioned in Beverly Hills for $8,000. Unfortunately, we now believe the penis may not have belonged to a walrus, but to Wilfred Brimley. Sorry ‘bout that, Wilfred.
A message from the National Council of Walrus Penises.”
Dave contemplates, “Imagine Wilfred Brimley going downtown and trying to claim it.”
Although she was sentenced to four days in jail, Nicole Richie was required to serve only 82 minutes. Some people say she got off easy, but authorities insist it was enough time to send the necessary message. Announce: “Because of overcrowding, Nicole Richie was released from jail after serving just over an hour of her four-day sentence. But can one hour of grueling punishment really be a miserable enough punishment to change a person forever? Just ask anyone who’s been in the studio audience for a Late Show taping.
The Late Show: Scaring audiences straight since 1993.
I heard Nicole was released after only 82 minutes because of overcrowding in the jails. Have you seen the size of Nicole Richie? She would be the last person to cause overcrowding anywhere.
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES
We see FDR.
We see JFK.
We see George W. Bush: “Rutenberg, today’s your birthday? How old are you? How old are you? Huh?”
ACT 2 FUN FACTS – we had a lot of them. Some day you’ll understand.
ACT 3 TOP TEN: Signs You Have a Bad Job 10. Some people share an office. You share a chair. 6. At least once a day you get kicked in the nuts by a goat.
(does it really matter what kicks you in the nuts?)
HENRY HOLLOWAY: let’s take a look. Henry is out on 53rd Street bouncing on his “velocity stilts.” When I was a kid, our stilts were made from some tossed 2X4s and a block of wood nailed three feet up into each of the 8-foot pieces of wood. Henry’s velocity stilts go for a few hundred dollars. Ours went for nothing but a little time and little effort and some nails from my father’s work area.
OK, we’re ready. Henry runs west down 53rd Street and leaps and flips over the yellow New York City taxi cab. He slips a little on the landing but keeps his balance, much to the relief of Dave and our legal department. We take another look at Henry’s dangerous leap. Nice going, Henry.
ACT 4 AMY SEDARIS: It’s always hard to put down in type what goes on when Amy Sedaris is on the show. She is full of quirky, yet very interesting side bits which make for a very entertaining guest. Dave asks about her summer while Amy takes a loud slurp of water from her LATE SHOW mug.
Amy hates the summer. She can’t wait for it to end. It’s too hot and every place you go smells like dirty hair. While talking about the summer, Amy gets the urge to check the seat cushions for loose change. She comes up with nothing. Pat Farmer sighs with relief.
Amy talks about vacations; her summer house, which is actually her regular house downtown that she dresses up to look like a summer house; a weekend trip to the Rockaways; her envy of Dave’s pool; the Emmys; the GLAAD Awards; a photo of her on the streets of New York with a kitty litter box filled with cupcakes; and her recurring role on “Rescue Me” on the FX.
Amy Sedaris: in stores now.
ACT 5
Tonight’s LATE SHOW is brought to you by Big Apple Stilts, Lexington Avenue at 48th Street. New York City’s biggest selection of velocity stilts and accessories. Mention the Late Show and get 10% off Big Apple Stilts’ already low prices. Big Apple Stilts . . . where things are always jumping!”
ACT 6 WILL IT FLOAT?
Tonight’s item: A gallon of tartar sauce. Dave objects to it being too similar to last week’s Will It Float item. What was it again? Some kind of paste. Wall paper paste. Backstage we begin to scurry to look for another possible item to drop. Happily, the tartar sauce will do.
Dave says it will float.
Paul says it will float.
The Late Show models drop the gallon of tartar sauce into the Will It Float tank and it . . . . SINKS . . . AND THEN FLOATS! Ta da!
ACT 7 WILL ARNETT: Will Arnett enters to the tune from Paul’s “Will It Float”, instead being sung “Will Arnett.” I enjoyed that.
Will spent some time in Sweden recently going to a wedding. What’s Sweden like? Will says it’s just like Canada without the bad architecture.
How are the people in Sweden? Will says they are nice, but very direct. At the wedding, Will’s father tried to help a woman down some steps with her baby stroller. She refused his help, explaining, “I will ask someone younger.” This upset his bad a bit, but there was no way it could be fixed. If you told the woman she insulted Will’s father, she would respond, “What is wrong with that? You are so old!”
Dave says there is something about Will that reminds him of someone. Will says it’s probably the voice. Will has done some voiceover work on commercials. He then gives an example of his recent work for GMC trucks. He almost makes a sale.
Will is in the new film, The Brothers Solomon. He and his brother in the film try to fulfill their father’s dying wish of having a grandchild. Both set off to find someone to father a child. Will says it was a lot of fun shooting the film and it was done in a quaint oceanfront town in California called Los Angeles. Everybody was so excited to have them around. The Brothers Solomon – It opens September 7th.
And that was ours how for Friday August 31, 2007.
In case you’re wondering:
Let me be clear; I am not gay. I never have been gay. OK, except for that one time in Reno.
I’m back under 200 pounds. I seem to have lost 10 pounds somewhere in the past two weeks. Now to knock off 20 more. I know I have a six-pack stomach under the fat. It just has to be revealed.
How could I have missed this? A few weeks ago, Yankee great and Hall of Famer, and beloved Yankee announcer Phil Rizzuto passed away a few weeks ago. The radio sports shows have been having friends and teammates tell some great stories about Mr. Rizzuto. Phil was known for being not very polished as an announcer, breaking many of the rules of broadcasting. He had his own loveable style.
My favorite Phil Rizzuto Yankee story.
Yankees vs. the Baltimore Orioles in Baltimore. Phil is in the announcing booth Frank Messer who comes from Baltimore. Frank was straight-laced and serious, but frustratingly enjoyed Phil’s antics. Frank was very proud of his hometown of Baltimore and was always lauding its great seafood and shellfish. He asked Phil during the game, hoping to promote a bit of the city of Baltimore, “Phil, what’s your favorite seafood?” Phil, without skipping a beat, says “Tuna fish.” Frank, flummoxed, answers incredulously, “Tuna fish?” Phil spouts, “Yup, tuna fish, and you won’t believe it but I was looking through the newspaper today and found a coupon at the supermarket for a can of tuna fish for 79 cents!” Frank repeats, “Tuna fish? Really?” Frank then goes on and on about the great crabs and clams and oysters found around Baltimore. Phil wasn’t having any of it. It was tuna fish for Phil, nothing else. After many minutes, Frank decided not to pursue it any longer. It was no use.
The next inning, announcer Fran Healy joins the twosome. Fran and Phil remain the best announcing team I have ever heard. If you were interested in the game, you probably would disagree. Fran really knew how to get Phil going. So Fran sits down between Frank and Phil. Fran says, “So, guys, what’s new?” Phil jumps in excitedly, “Tuna fish! 79 cents a can!” Fran, reacting with equal excitement, shouts, “79 cents a can? Where!” Phil chimes, “I saw a coupon in the newspaper!” Fran continues with over the top glee, “79 cents? Did you cut it out?” At this point, you can hear Frank Messer shout in disgust, “Oh, for crying out loud!” He exits in anger. Phil and Fran continue talking about how much they like tuna fish.
What’s the deal with schools opening in August? When did this start? And what’s the reason? Around these parts, it’s always been the first Tuesday after Labor Day, and if we were lucky, the first Wednesday after Labor Day. And this year my kids aren’t due in school till the Thursday after Labor Day. So why do so many schools open in August? Isn’t it still too hot? What’s the rush?
LABOR DAY
From the wikipedia:
Labor Day is a United States federal holiday that takes place on the first Monday in September. The holiday began in 1882, originating from a desire by the Central Labor Union to create a day off for the "working man". It is still celebrated mainly as a day of rest and marks the symbolic end of summer for many. Labor Day became a national holiday by Act of Congress in 1894.
A really old custom eschewed wearing white after Labor Day. The custom is rooted in nothing more than popular fashion etiquette. In actuality, the etiquette originally stated that white shoes were the taboo while white or "winter white" clothes were acceptable. This custom is fading from popularity as it continues to be questioned and challenged, particularly by leaders in the fashion world. "Fashion magazines are jumping on this growing trend, calling people who 'dare' to wear white after Labor Day innovative, creative, and bold. Slowly but surely, white is beginning to break free from its box, and is becoming acceptable to wear whenever one pleases. This etiquette is comparable to the Canadian fashion rule against wearing green after Remembrance Day. In the world of western attire, it is similarly tradition to wear a straw cowboy hat until Labor Day. After Labor Day, the felt hat is worn until Memorial Day.
Who knew?
MONDAY’S REPEAT Labor Day: From July 23, 2007; Show #2788 - Drew Carey; Nikki Blonsky; Grinderman; and a guy with a tennis ball launcher out on 53rd Street.
And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world’s longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . oops, no it isn’t.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Former Late Show intern, Jay Potashnick
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
ACT 1 • Show Open • Dave's Monologue Watch now • Mother Teresa's Letters • Fossilized Walrus Penis • LS: Scaring Audiences Straight • Great Moments in Presidential Speeches
