The big King Kong movie opened yesterday and Dave was able to tape a piece of it off the screen. I wonder if he’ll bootleg it. Anyway, Dave says the special effects are really really special. We take a look at a pilfered clip. Hey, it’s the monkey washing a cat! King Kong and his sidekick Kitty.

The Iraqi election took place today. You probably saw the coverage on the news, but out of curiosity, Dave turned on the Al Jazeera to see how they were covering the vote. We take a look at the clip he pilfered off his TV.

Announcer: “We interrupt this program to bring you an election update.”
Cut to Dan Rather in a Saddam-type beard giving the news.
“With 40% of precincts reporting, many of these races are tighter than a two-hump camel in a one-hump raincoat. We’ll keep you updated throughout the evening, but for now, we return you to ‘Sabib and Son’ already in progress.”
We hear the sounds of the theme to “Sanford and Son.”

Before the show, a member of the audience asked if he could put away the LATE SHOW Bear. Ahhh, nothing like a loyal viewer. Dave says sure he can, even though the bear hasn’t been here in months. We send the kid downstairs to the bear’s romping grounds. . . even though the bear’s not there.

We take a look at the audience member searching to put away the LATE SHOW Bear. It was wonderful to see an untrained actor emote his quest for the LATE SHOW Bear, which of course, is no where to be found. What acting! Even if I had just turned on the TV, I would have known that this guy was looking for a bear in the basement of a Broadway theater. At the end of the scene, our cue card guy Tony Mendez mutters, “What a ham.”

Obviously, Tony was still smarting from being cut from a piece he was scheduled to perform in tonight’s show. There’s a new advertising campaign encouraging people to do their holiday shopping at 7-Eleven. Their stores have stocked up on all kinds of holiday items, and some of them seem pretty good. We see one of the 7-11 commercials.

Announcer: “Still haven’t finished your holiday shopping? Forget about the mall because 7-11’s got everything you need to make the season bright. Ring in the New Year with one of our many affordable wines. Wished loved ones a Merry Christmas with a delightful greeting card. Or light up your Hanukkah with our big Beef n’ Cheddar Meat-norah. 7-11: Start your holiday with us!”

WHO ASKED FOR IT? – Dave enjoys giving the audience an opportunity to ask him questions about his personal life and the show. It’s a way of giving back to those who have enabled him to live this wonderful career. I think he got the idea from Carol Burnett.

Who Asked For It #1: Bob, from Allentown, Pennsylvania. Bob works at a movie theater. Dave asks about the big blockbuster, King Kong. Bob says it’s playing on 4 screens at his theater. Dave asks about the ending. Bob is a bit reluctant to reveal the ending, only offering “it’s not good for the monkey.”

Bob’s question: “Do you have anything planned for Christmas, like singing a Christmas song?” “Sing a Christmas song?” Dave asks. Dave seems to be delighted about the idea of singing a Christmas carol. Dave stands as the lights dim. He picks up a hand microphone and walks around to the front of his desk. He sits back on his desk and lifts the microphone to his mouth and . . . . says “no.”

Who Asked For It #2: Alyssa, from Cumberland, Rhode Island. She works in the sales department for Conway Tours, a motorcoach company. Dave asks Alyssa a lot about the motorcoach company, and she is up to the task of answering each. Nice job.

Alyssa’s question: “When you throw a blue card, how do you make that glass shattering sound?” Dave gets this question a lot. He throws one blue card through the window behind him to show what the questioner means. He then throws another and we see how the glass shattering sound is accomplished. Just as Dave throws the second card, we cut to Biff backstage breaking a bottle over an intern’s head. Crash!

Who Asked For It #3: Diana, from Staten Island – Oh, Staten Island, that’s the city’s largest borough, isn’t it? According to Diana, “Yup!” She’s a student at Wagner College in Staten Island. Her question:

“I was wondering how having a child changed you?” Dave begins to answer the question about how having a child has changed his life. But then our announcer Alan Kalter jumps in. He can sense what the lovely college student is really asking.
Alan: “’Scuse me, D.L. I’ll handle this one.”
Dave: “Sure, go ahead, Alan.”
Alan: (Rising from his perch; directing his answer to Diana) “Pregnancy. Wow. Tricky stuff. I know you must feel all alone right now, little lady. Nowhere you can turn. Your boyfriend’s a deadbeat; Daddy wouldn’t understand. Let’s see if Mr. Kalter can’t help you through it. Hit it, Eubanks!”
(Paul and the band start playing Madonna’s “Papa Don’t Preach”)
Alan: “This one’s for all you girls who are in trouble!” (sings) “Papa don’t preach, I’m in trouble deep
Papa don’t preach, I’ve been losing sleep
But I made up my mind I’m keeping my baby,
Yeah, I’m keeping my baby.”
(screams at camera) “Are you listening to me, Daddy?
(speaking to Diana) “by the way, if it turns out you’re not
knocked up - - - give me a call, Baby Doll!”
And then Alan exits.

Dave recaps that perfectly: “That was wildly unpleasant.”

Who Asked For It #4: Hey, it’s Alec Baldwin!
Alec: “I don’t have a question. Just wanted to say I’m very excited to be here tonight, Dave.”
Dave: “Well, we’re thrilled and excited to have you, Alec.”
Alec: “And you know what I love most about doing this show?”
Dave: “What’s that?”
Alec: “I get to do this . . . (camera zooms in on Alec’s face) . . . Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night!” After an uncomfortable pause, Alan says, “That’s a different show, isn’t it?”
Dave: “Yes.”
Alec: “I’m an idiot.” And Alec exits in a sulk.

And that was Who Asked For It? We had new players tonight . . .and they all did a great job!

TOP TEN: Things You Don’t Want To Hear At Your Office Christmas Party
#5. “You’re supposed to sit naked on the Xerox machine, not the shredder.”
#4. “Put on Regis Philbin’s Christmas Album”
#3. “Why is Shecky naked?”

Before reading the top ten list, Dave tells a little history of LATE NIGHT/LATE SHOW Christmas parties. At one time, we always held them indoors. But then stagehand Al Maher at LATE NIGHT, now retired, had a bit too much to drink and went up to Tom Brokaw and told him, “Why don’t you go ‘givl” yourself!” The next year, the parties were held outdoors.

ALEC BALDWIN: Always fun to see Alec --- he’s game for anything. I remember him years back riding a snowmobile on the roof of a parking garage. Now that parking garage is a 40-story high rise. Alec is busy trying to lose weight for an upcoming movie, and obviously this is not the best time of year to go on a diet. He likes to spend time with his mom during the holidays and when they go out to eat, she’ll order something light like a salad, but then add blue cheese dressing . . . and some manicotti . . . and a side of potatoes . . . and a cheese plate . . . . with a slice of cheese cake. And then order a diet coke. Dieting while around mom is a real test. Alec is just back from New Orleans helping out with Habitat for Humanity. He was down there for a week to build a house. After the 2nd day at the jobsite, everyone was saying, “You’re still here?” He was told most celebrities come down, get their photo taking of them swinging a hammer, and then drive off in their limo. No one stays more than a couple hours. Alec found it very weird that he was actually building a house. Does anybody really want a celebrity building their house? You would want a carpenter, not someone from the movies. But with Habitat with Humanity there is a team leader who makes sure everything is done the right way. Most of them are retired contractors and carpenters who volunteer. Alec would find himself on the roof and some 77-year-old guy would shout, “Hand me that level, would you, sonny?” Alec found his time spent in New Orleans and Habitat for Humanity very special and rewarding and highly recommends it to anyone who has some time to offer.

During the commercial break, Dave received this update on Al Maher. He is now retired . . . and at one time he took a leak in the backstage sink.

Working with Habitat for Humanity was not the first time Alec has built a home. When he was a kid, he and his friends would frequently sneak onto a building lot and steal some plywood and stuff and make a fort. They’d dig a big hole into the ground and cover the hole with the plywood. Then they’d sit in the hole and say in the freezing cold of winter, “This is pretty great, huh? Our own fort! This is our fort!” They they’d be in the fort, smoking cigarettes, listening to 8-tracks. I liked how Alec told the story. Very funny.

Dave mentions that Regis has a new Christmas CD and was a bit surprised to learn that Alec does as well. Alec’s is entitled, “O’ Hum All Ye Faithful.” All the best Christmas songs hummed by Alec. We hear a sample. It’s very catchy and the words are easy to remember. The album sleeve has the words to the songs: “hum” followed by “repeat”. Alec says he also has a follow-up CD coming out this summer: Humming Great Movie Themes. He offers one such song he is working on: He hums . . . . the theme to “Jaws.” I got it, did you?

Alec’s new film, Fun with Dick and Jane. It also stars Jim Carrey. Alec says Jim is the hardest working actor he’s ever worked with. Jim has to get things perfect and will do a scene 20-30 times until he’s satisfied. I find that those who make something look so easy are usually the hardest workers. We see a clip of Alec and Jim. Fun with Dick and Jane - it opens Wednesday, December 21st.

THE ANNUAL LIGHTING OF THE INTERN – It’s a special night here at the LATE SHOW. We’ve done it every year since 2005 . . . it’s the Annual Lighting of the Intern. Paul counts down from 10 to 0 to the illumination of the intern. Center stage we see a young intern wrapped in Christmas lights. At zero, the switch is flicked and . . . voila! LIGHTS! Beautiful. Merry Christmas from the LATE SHOW, and from talent intern Matt McCluskey.

ACT 5: Alan: “It’s a LATE SHOW Mistletoe Alert!” We see Alan holding up a branch of mistletoe over his head. He motions for the camera to come closer. And closer. And closer. He then plants the biggest, wettest kiss on the camera lens. He then goes back to the lens, this time open mouthed. Alan: “This has been a Late Show Mistletoe Alert. You’re welcome, America.”

Well, well, well. I guess I now understand Raquel Welch.

SHAKIRA: From her new CD, "Oral Fixation: Volume 2,” Shakira performed “Don’t Bother.” Yowza. I don’t know about the song, but the presentation was darn entertaining.

And that was our show for Thursday December 15, 2005.



Did you read last week about this face transplant that a patient received? It was the very first of its kind. Which got me to thinking . . . . if they can do a face transplant, how about a scalp transplant? When a scalp becomes . . . unfortunately, available . . . .could it be transplanted to a needy head? Someone bald would love a full head of hair from someone who no longer needs it. A scalp transplant . . . skin and all, not just the follicles. Sure it’s disgusting, but people would pay, don’t you think?

On my way in from tonight’s taping of the show, I nearly took a header on the ice out on 53rd Street. At one point, my hips were pointing east and my shoulders were facing north. And I don’t mean my body was simply turned 90 degrees to the left . . . I mean my body and shoulders went all the other way around. . . 270 degrees. If I let myself fall I don’t think it would have hurt as much as the twisted contortion I went through. My body hadn’t been that twisted since I wrestled Tony Marciano in 1974.

As I type this Thursday night, the impending Transit strike hasn’t been settled. Tick tick tick tick tick. If no settlement is reached by midnight; no city buses, no subways. By the time you read this, you’ll know if we are in Day 1 of the Strike. No cars will be allowed south of 96th Street unless 4 passengers are in the car. Hmmmm, I’m still trying to figure out how I’ll get in . . . . unless . . . . oh my. . . . maybe I won’t be able to! There was a Transit strike back in the early 80s. The strike became the inspiration for women in dresses wearing sneakers to work. They’d keep their “pretty shoes” at work and switch to sneakers for the long walk home. I wonder what this Transit strike will bring.

And Friday morning is the big Howard Stern farewell. He broadcasts somewhere on 56th Street between 6th and 7th, I think, or 6th and 5th. We’re at 53rd and Broadway, one block west of 7th, so we’re practically neighbors. I’ll be taking a look-see to see the circus. I heard Howard say this morning that if there is a Transit Strike, then the big gathering in front of the radio studio will be called off . . . and I’m sure all his listeners will understand and stay home.

And right now, Thursday night, I’m off to our LATE SHOW Christmas party. And here’s just another sign of my getting old . . . . I’m looking forward to the party for the food . . . not the drinks. Gee whiz.….

So here it is Friday morning. . . . no Transit Strike. They put it off till Tuesday, when we’ll go through the whole thing again. If the Transit really wants to hurt the commuter, they shouldn’t go on strike at 12:01 AM . . . . they should go on strike at 12:01 PM --- noon time --- when everybody is stuck in the city with no way to get home. Now that would be some great mayhem!