" . . . and now, hockey goon . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
The Pope is in town today and people always expect miracles when the Pontiff is near. Dave was skeptical at first, but then he found this. We take a look at what Dave came across earlier.
He holds up a grilled cheese sandwich. On the top slice of bread is the image of Dr. Phil. Dave says it is pretty good, but thinks people are expecting a little bit more from the Pope.

The New York Knicks have replaced Isiah Thomas as president, but he is lobbying to stay on as coach. To help his cause, he has compiled videos which highlight some of his accomplishments as coach. We take a look at one piece of tape.
Art card: "Great Moments in Isiah Thomas' Knicks Career
Announce:

"On February 11, 2008, under the brilliant leadership of Isiah Thomas, the New York Knicks came within 14 points of beating the Atlanta Hawks.
This has been 'Great Moments in Isiah Thomas' Knicks Career.'"

Have you been watching the HBO miniseries, "John Adams"? It's like an American history lesson every night. We take a look from last night's installment.
We see John Adams lying in bed wearing a sleeping gown and cap. He is writing on parchment with a quill by candlelight. As he writers, we hear his voice over:
"Tis more than nine long months since we parted. Knowing that before long my dearest friend will once again be by my side soothes me in my most anxious hour. Present all the affection that words can express to our dear children. Believe me at all times, unalterably yours, John."
John Adams puts down his pen and places the parchment down on the night table. He leans over to blow out the candle. It goes out, then re-lights itself. John blows it out again, and again it re-lights. Once again, John Adams blows out the candle. Once again, it re-lights. John Adams figures out what's going on. He bangs on the wall and yells to the occupant on the other side, "Real 'givl'ing funny, Franklin, you bald-headed son-of-a-bitch."

Jewish people celebrate Passover this weekend. For those of you who do not know a lot about the holiday, we've compiled this brief educational video.
Art card: "Let's Learn About Passover." "During the seven-day holiday known as Passover, Jews refrain from eating bread to commemorate Moses triumphantly losing 19 pounds on a low-carb diet. This has been 'Let's Learn About Passover.'"

Here's something new. It's something we call, "Telemundo: What?!"
We see a scene from "12 Carazones." A beautiful woman is blindfolded. She has one of those things a grocer uses to get an item off the top shelf. She uses it to try to snatch items from between the legs of male contestants.
And that's what we call, "Telemundo: What?!?"

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES
Bush: "It's uhhh...I mean this is the kind of issue ... all kinds . . . of rumors . . . uhhh."

ACT 2:
Back from commercial, Dave relates something he saw in a documentary about a jockey. The jockey said, "If you have a happy life, it makes an impression on the horse."

Late Show Fun Facts: we received this letter along with the current batch of Fun Facts.

"Dear Mr. Letterman,
I'm pleased to enclose the latest Fun Facts compiled by the FBMI. It's finally here! The ultimate bad-ass tribute to miscellaneous information is now on display in our lobby: the sizzling hot FBMI bike by Orange County Choppers! Check it out!
Sincerely,
Gary Sherman
FBMI - Federal Bureau of Miscellaneous Information

AMY POEHLER: Dressed in all black. I mention this because 10 years ago I noticed that many of our guests were all black. It struck me as odd that these creative and original thinkers all sided with the same color outfits. And then it slowly changed, to the point where few seemed to wear all black. But now within the past few weeks, it seems the "all black" is making a comeback. Stay tuned for more incredibly interesting updates on what our guests are wearing.
Amy lives here in New York City and with her crazy hours at "Saturday Night Live," she sometimes needs a sleeping pill to get to sleep. About a week ago after taking a shower, she needed some help and popped a pill. She lied down naked on her bed and was asleep in minutes. Meanwhile, her husband who is a bit of the handyman was able to hook up her alarm clock to the electric blinds he installed. When the alarm goes off, the blinds slowly open on their own. This allows the sunlight to creep in ever so slowly and eventually wake the sleeper as music softly plays from the alarm clock/radio. The alarm clock went off at 7:00 AM and the blinds went up . . . but Amy didn't. She was out like a light. By 9:00 AM she was still asleep. But the window washers weren't. This just happened to be the day the building's window washers were scheduled. When she woke, Amy and the window washers exchanged a wave. Then she hid under the covers and giggled for the next 20 minutes.
Amy's new film, "Baby Mama" opens on April 25th. She plays a surrogate mom for business woman Tina Fey.

ACT 4:
WILL IT FLOAT?
Tonight's item: A glass decorative, hollowed-out brick. It weighs about 8 pounds. Is it square? Alan says it is not square, it is oblong.
Dave and Paul both agree and believe the glass brick will float.
The Late Show models drop the glass brick into the Will It Float tank and it . . . . . . FLOATS!
Afterwards, Dave looks over to Alan and says, "That's not oblong!" Alan responds, "Just from one side." I guess Alan is right about that.

ACT 5:
Announce: "Monday on the Late Show, Dave is joined by Billy Crystal; and Maria Sharapova. Remember, we can't make you laugh unless you tune in. We'll be right back."

ACT 6:
JASON SEGEL: The star and writer of the new film, "Forgetting Sarah Marshall." It is in theaters now and received very good reviews.
Jason is a tall man, measuring in at 6'4". That's a nice height, but Jason was that same height when he was 12 years old. Kids, being kids, would tease him by circling him and chanting "Ride the oaf. Ride the oaf."
Jason, though Jewish, also went to Catholic school while growing up. It was the best school in the area so his parents sent him there. It was fine and all, but when he turned 13 and was Bar Mitzvahed, things got kind of confusing. His teachers decided Jason should share the experience of being Bar Mitzvahed with the rest of the class. He still remembers standing in front of the class, voice cracking, and saying, "On Saturday, I became a man."
Jason just learned something about the marketing behind his new film, "Forgetting Sarah Marshall." He was supposed to be featured on the billboards, but the promoters discovered the public had an "unfavorable reaction" to his face. Jason, who wrote the screenplay, wrote himself to appear fully naked in one scene and it is based on something that actually happened to him. His girlfriend at the time called from the airport and said she needed to see him. He assumed it was for sex. Yes, that's how men think. He got himself naked and waited. When he answered the door, she said, "We need to talk." (Ugh, does any man fear anything worse than the words, "We need to talk"?) He soon learned he was being dumped . . . while totally naked. He excused himself to get dressed. And trying to pick something to wear to be dumped is really difficult. What do you wear to a dumping? "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" - it's in theaters now!

ACT 7:
JORDAN ZEVON: From his CD, "Insides Out," Jordan Zevon performed "The Joke's On Me."

And that was our show for Friday, April 18, 2008.



I like all the sports, but there is none better than hockey when it comes to the playoffs.

Whenever we have a working dark week like we had last week, I like to take a couple hours off one day to hit a local legendary watering hole. I wrote some of the places on my list to visit in a recent Wahoo. And then I received an e-mail from Wahoo reader Eileen Morgan of New York City:

"You must include the 'Mars Bar' on your pub crawl. It's a real dump on the Lower East Side that harkens back to a kinder, gentler world. Those bar stools are crowded at 8 AM for the discriminating drinker. It's on the corner of 2nd Avenue & 1st Street. It was prominently featured in the opening credits of NYPD Blue. I am not a patron, but pass it every day on the way to the train. It's what my friend would describe as 'an old guy bar.'"

Dark Week Lunch: I decided to visit the Ear Inn downtown on the east side. It's called the Ear Inn because the sign out front is supposed to read BAR, but the outer edge of the neon B in "BAR" is blanked out so it reads E instead of B. It's been that way forever and has never been fixed. It is now known as the Ear Inn. (326 Spring Street). At least that's what I've heard. That explanation is good enough for me. The Ear Inn dates back to 1817 and it's worth the trip if you're in the area. I had a couple pints of Guinness at the joint. I've heard the burgers are very good but didn't partake. I tend to go to bars for the liquid more so than the solids. Someday I'll stay long enough for a bite. The fact that the tables were covered in white paper with a cupful of crayons scared me a bit as I wondered who they were catering to. After my pints, I up and left for my next destination. I briskly walked east towards McSorley's for my bi-annual liverwurst sandwich. As I walked, I marveled at the excitement that dwells in lower Manhattan. Such energy. Such creativity on every corner. I looked at the eyes of these artistic downtowners and sensed a key difference from those I grew up with. I was always surrounded by athletes and sportsmen. Their eyes seem to be very focused and keyed in on ONE thing. The eyes of those in the artsy Greenwich Village seem to be looking three ways at once. One eye is looking that way; the other eye is looking that way; and yet their attention is somewhere else over there. Perhaps that's the difference between an athlete and an artist.
As I neared the coordinates of McSorley's at 2nd and 7th, I realized I was near the Mars Bar at 1st Street and 2nd Avenue. I altered my route to catch a gander of the place before heading over to McSorley's. But the Mars Bar came upon me much quicker than I expected. The door to the Mars Bar was wide open, inviting me in. I decided this was as good a time as any to go to the Mars Bar. I walked in to the heavily graffiti-ed drinking hole and plopped myself down on the first barstool I saw. Yes, it was dirty and dark. The bar in its entirety measured about 10 feet by 40. It was filthy. I could see broken glass on the floor. Off to the side was a bag of garbage waiting to be thrown curbside. There were a lot of "I'll get to that later" scraps of dirt and debris. A blonde barmaid sat directly in front of me reading a newspaper. I ordered up a Budweiser. An elderly man my age to my right was in conversation to the even older man my age to my left. They paid no attention to me at all, just as I liked. As what usually happens at bars such as this, the conversation I snooped in on was so much more interesting than any I hear at other more "established" bars and restaurants. Through their missing teeth, the gentlemen discussed politics, art, theater, 70s discos, Groucho Marx, and offerings on PBS. Listening in, I imagined that the average IQ of those at dive bars to be much higher than those at bars that require a cover. Some would feel ill and discomfort at a bar such as the Mars Bar. I felt right at home. But I would only recommend the Mars Bar for 1:00 in the afternoon. There's less noise. And I imagine in the evening the bar would be filled with a "look-at-me, I'm in a dive bar" crowd.
And then from there I headed a few block over to McSorleys. There I got my $2 cheddar cheese platter and $3 liverwurst sandwich. Best deal in town. Just be careful with the mustard.

Sad news in the music world --- Danny Federici, keyboardist for Bruce Springsteen's E Street Band, died on Thursday of melanoma. I can't imagine the late 70s and 80s without Springsteen and the E Street Band. They were all we had. It was like Bobby Murcer on the 1972 Yankees.
Writes Wahoo reader David LaDue of the Bronx:

"The next time you hear the life-changing song Born to Run - listen for the sound of bells - doubling the signature lead guitar riff - and adding this joy and lightness to the entire song. Those bells are Danny Federici, on the glockenspiel, who played in the E Street Band for more than 40 years. Danny passed away yesterday, after a 3 year battle with melanoma. Federici also notably plays the accordion on the song Sandy (4th of July), an instrument he first took up at age 7 after watching Lawrence Welk on TV. He also plays the well known organ solo on Hungry Heart. Danny was 58 years old - too young to lose a key player in the soundtrack of our lives.