" . . . and now, a man who wants to haul away your used mattress . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
There's a rumor circulating that President Bush is planning to attack Iran before the end of his term. The White House was quick to issue this denial.
Announce:

"Recent reports have indicated that George W. Bush is planning an invasion of Iran, but we can assure the American people that these rumors are patently false. As anyone who knows the President can tell you, he prefers to do all of his invasions with no planning whatsoever."
V.O.: "Hey, did you see that joke coming? George W. Bush: The King of Beers."

"Charles Barkley acknowledged that his gambling is out of control. The star owed $400,000 to the Wynn Casino. But don't worry. Barkley has found a way to make some quick money. He's becoming an NBA ref. The NBA: Aside from fixing games, it's fantastic!"

British scientists have been given the go-ahead to produce part human/part animal embryos. You're not going to believe this. Dave introduces, from the British Genetics Institute, Dr. Jeffrey Criswell and Todd.
The doctor in a white lab coat enters with his creation, Todd.
Todd is half human/half kitty.
Todd, in a human form, meows like a kitty.
Unbelievable. It reminds me of the half horse/half boy on that old Hercules cartoon.

LOCAL NEWS HIGHLIGHT OF THE NIGHT
We see Sue Simmons from local WNBC reporting: "A teenage driver made quite an entrance this afternoon at the 7-Eleven on Main Street in New Milford."
Cut to shot of 7-Eleven in New Milford.
"He drove a car clear through the front of the store."
Cut back to Sue Simmons in the studio.
Sue: "What the "GIVL" are you doing?"

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES
Our President tried to say something about ideas being earmarked. You really don't know what he's saying without a program.

ACT 2:
TOP TEN: Signs You're Not Going To Win "American Idol"
#7. Producers refuse to tell you where the finale is being held.
#2. Even Hillary admits you have no chance.

HARRISON FORD
Dave wants to try something on his hope-to-be pal; "How's it going, Tiger?" Harrison doesn't like it much, adding "What are you going to say when Tiger is here?" Dave asks about Harrison's plane, a deHaviland Beaver. It's an old 1950s plane that he likes to take to hard-to-get-to place in the mountains. He and a bunch of friends go out each summer in their own planes and travel to the wilderness in Idaho and Wyoming and Montana and there abouts. The landing strips were built to planes could bring supplies in case of emergencies in the area, usually for firefighting. And the strips tend to be tiny and thin, offering little room for error. Dave: "Tell us a trip you might take in your Beaver?"
Harrison: ". . . . into the bush." It was a nice parry to Dave's lunge.
Harrison was at the Cannes Film Festival showing off his new "Indiana Jones" film Dave: "You and Cannes are like baloney and cheese. Both belong together. What is your philosophy when you go to Cannes?"
Harrison says, "I don't now if it's a philosophy; all I'm doing is kissing ass and lying to people." He admits to doing a lot of lying to the press, and then finding good friends and eating good food and drinking good wine. Sounds good.

Why wait 20 years between 3rd and 4th Indiana Jones film? Harrison says he needs that long to learn his lines. He adds that it took that long for everyone to agree on the story.

Back to flying, Dave wants to go on one of Harrison's trips into the wilderness. Harrison says he would love to have Dave come along.
Dave backtracks a bit and says he first wants to check out the list of Harrison's friends going.
I think Dave wants to be Harrison Ford when he grows up.
"Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" - it opens on Thursday. I guess it opens on Thursday to get the jump on the Memorial Day weekend.

ACT 4:
ALAN KALTER'S CELBRITY INTERVIEW
It's time once again for a favorite segment of ours, "Alan Kalter's Celebrity Interview."

We see Alan fuming at his chair. He glares at Dave.
DAVE: "What's the matter, Alan?"
ALAN: "Wow, you are even dumber than you look, suckhole. You've know for weeks who tonight's guest was for ‘Alan Kalter's Celebrity Interview.' Here, let me introduce you to him: the star of ‘Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull,' Harrison Ford."
Camera shot widens to reveal Harrison Ford sitting by Alan.
ALAN: "By the way, is it too bright in her for you, Dave?"
DAVE: "Not sure what you're getting at, Alan."
ALAN: "Well, I just assumed you might need a moment to adjust to the light since you've had your head up Harrison's ass for the last twenty minutes. Ohh, Harrison, Indiana Jones is so great! Ohhh, Harrison, you're such a big star! You make me sick."
DAVE: "Alan, I'm not sure that's how it happened."
ALAN: "That is EXACTLY how it happened. Get a pencil and mark this down, Sally. Monkey with my ‘djoy' again and I'll squeeze your nuts till you're dead, you senile old bitch!" (turning to Harrison Ford) "And you, Hollywood, watch your ass or, so help my God, you'll be scrubbing urinals at the Burt Reynolds Theater!"
Alan storms off.

ACT 5:
Announce: "Tomorrow on the Late Show, Dave is joined by actress Kristin Davis; and singer/author Jimmy Buffett. The Late Show, now offering twice the laughter at half the price! We'll be right back."

ACT 6:
ALI LOHAN: She's starring in the new E! reality show, "Living Lohan," which premieres Monday May 26th. The show will follow her mother, Dina, as she manages Ali's budding career. They chose to do a reality show to set the record straight. The tabloids make the family out to be crazy, and Ali hopes the show will prove otherwise. Uh huh. I think E! is hoping against that, no matter what they may tell Ali and Dina.
Ali likes pets and right now she has 5 dogs at her house. Three belong to the family, and they are pet-sitting two more. And just recently, Ali got a new puppy, a Micro Mini Maltese. We have a shot of it in the green room. We take a look, and it's no bigger than the apple on the table, but that can be easily explained. You know what they say . . . the camera can add 10 pounds to an apple.
"Living Lohan" - it starts this Monday on E!

ACT 7:
LEONA LEWIS: From her CD, "Spirit," Leona Lewis performed "Bleeding Love."
She's an "X Factor" champion, Britain's program that was the inspiration for our own American Idol.

And that was our show for Tuesday, May 20, 2008.



More on Leona Lewis: Her November 2007 debut album, "Spirit" is the fastest-selling debut album ever in U.K. and Ireland. And she's the first British artist to top the U.S. Billboard with a debut album. How about that?

I think David Archuleta is going to be the next American Idol but I won't be sure until all the super delegates announce their decision.

And now once again, "Late Night The Day They Were Born."
Ali Lohan was born December 22, 1993. So, what happened on Late Night the day Ali Lohan was born? I don't know; you'll have to ask Conan.
But what happened on the Late Show the day Ali Lohan was born?
December 22, 1993; Late Show #78
-Roof Cam: Santa goes into Flashdancers
-Phobias, with Zsa Zsa Gabor: Fear of Women - Gynephobia
-Phobias: Fear of Foreigners: Zenophobia
-Top Ten Inaccuracies About the White House
-Bob Costas: Top Ten Reasons Costas is staying at NBC
-Bob Costas in giant John Madden pants
-Phobias: Fear of Darkness - Scotophobia
-Phobias: Fear of Dirt - Mysophobia
-Zsa Zsa chases Dave with a broom
-Tony Braxton sings "Breathe Again" from her album, "Toni Braxton"
-Debi Mazar, from L.A. Law and "Beethoven's 2nd"
-Santa and Zsa Zsa coming out of Flashdancers
And that was the Late Show the day Ali Lohan was born.
Many thanks to Late Show foreign correspondent, Le Donz, for the above information.

Yesterday I wrote how baseball analyst Joe Morgan believes a foul pop up behind home plate will drift back towards home plate. This is why you so often see a catcher have to lunge back towards home plate after running towards the ball to make the catch. I disagreed.

From Mark Murphy of California:

"I just had a comment about Joe Morgan's assessment. I'm no physics major. But, as a young catcher, on a play like that you are always taught to keep your back to the infield. (ME: of course) That said, there are countless highlights where the catcher runs in too far and has to jump awkwardly backwards (towards the diamond) to make the catch. (ME: agreed) I do believe that the ball drifts back to the infield. Maybe if a hit was popped straight up and landed we could tell which was the spin was by its rebound..."

Jon Solomonson of Orlando, Florida:

"jOE mORGAN IS RIGHT THIS TIME. <---DAMN! Caps lock was on. Joe Morgan is right this time. I won't get into the details, but he is."

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Congratulations on her recent graduation from SUNY Cortland, it's the lovely and diploma-holding Laura Ann Spitz.
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER