" . . . and now, legendary car salesman . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
The greatest athlete of all time? It could be Tiger Woods. Dave recalls meeting Tiger Woods many years ago. He was at the driving range and young Tiger came up to Dave and said, "Excuse me, Mr. Letterman, could you help me with my slice?"
This past weekend, Tiger Woods won the U.S. Open with a broken leg! Think of that the next time you feel to call in sick to work. Though undetected by most, Dave sensed something wasn't quite right with Tiger over the weekend. He noticed a little sign that something was wrong. Dave made a copy of the clip and brought it in to work. We take a look at what Dave uncovered.
We see Tiger teeing off. As the camera follows the all in flight, we hear Tiger's audio. He is in agony: "Ahhhhhhh, Son of a bitch! Holy Mother of God! My knee, my knee! Ahhhhh! Can somebody help me? Oh, sweet Lord . . . .!"
I watched the U.S. Open with the sound off, and I'm surprised the closed captioning didn't pick that up.

The high price of oil is forcing Americans to reconsider some off-limits oil sources. We take a look at this announcement.
Announce:

"High energy prices are forcing oil-hungry Americans to look close to home for new petroleum supplies. Congress has been asked to lift the band of offshore drilling. Senator Craig is in favor of more drilling . . . . hard, repeated drilling . . . . . drilling that will . . . ."
Suddenly, the screen goes to static.
We then cut to Late Show writer Bill Scheft in the videotape room. BILL SCHEFT: "Hi, I'm Late Show Strike Captain Bill Scheft. I know what you're thinking . . . . Good Lord, they're still making Larry Craig jokes? Yes, we are! It's all part of our Old Comedy Reference Summer Clearance!
Watch for joke about JetBlue stranded on the runway; Dick Cheney shooting old guys; Tom Cruise jumping on Oprah's couch . . . even John Kerry's crazy ketchup-heiress wife! Remember, once these jokes are gone, they're gone . . . until we start using them again in the Fall!
Thanks, and have a great summer!"

And now it's time once again for the very popular, "Cool/Not Cool."
We see Barack playing basketball, penetrate through the defense, and put one up for an easy lay up.
President Bush; we see him declare "Airball" for an unseen previous shot, and then we see him miss an easy lay up.

Oh, about Barack's easy lay up. It was only "easy" because of all the hard work that led up to it.

ACT 2:
Gas prices are getting out of hand. It's crazy! People want answers. So at a recent production meeting, Dave suggested we send out cue card guy to Chevron Oil to talk to the CEO and find some answers. Luckily, we brought along a camera guy and an audio to record the whole thing. We watch the clip. We see Tony entering the office of Chevron CEO, David O'Reilly.
TONY: "Thanks for meeting with me, Mr. O'Reilly."
O'REILLY: "My pleasure, Tony."
They sit.
TONY: "Why is gasoline so expensive now?"
O'REILLY: "It's complicated, but the basics are this: in recent years, demand has increased tremendously due in part to the booming economies of China and India."
TONY: "Oh, yes, I've heard about that."
O'REILLY: "Unfortunately, supply hasn't increased to keep pace with demand." TONY: "Why not?"
O'REILLY: "New oil supplies are out there, but it's expensive and technologically difficult to bring these new fields online. Companies like Chevron have to spend much more to get to this new oil, and that cost is passed on to consumers."
TONY: "But aren't the oil companies greedy? We hear about billions of dollars in profits."
O'REILLY: "We make a good profit for our shareholders, but much of our revenue is plowed back into exploration and development, ensuring that we'll have the energy we need for the future."
TONY: "Wow! When you put it like that, it makes sense. I guess sometimes we're too hasty when we blame the oil companies. Thanks for your time."
Tony and O'Reilly stand to exchange a handshake.
O'REILLY: "I'm glad I could . . . ."
Tony then smashes a vase across the head of David O'Reilly. O'Reilly crumbles to the ground. Tony quickly goes through his wallet and takes a wad of bills. As Tony grabs the cash, he growls an angry litany of Spanish profanities towards the unconscious CEO.

Dave is impressed with the report from Tony, and suggests we send it to "60 Minutes." Dave follows, "Was that the real guy?"
TONY: "Yes . . . he had it coming."

ACT 3:
JASON BATEMAN: He's the dad of a 4-month-old. Being a dad is really amazing, but . . . . it can be really really hard, especially if the baby tends to be colicky. To soothe the little one, Jason finds he sings everything, even when changing a diaper. Jason demonstrates what he'll sing, to the tune of "Take Me Out To The Ballgame." Yes, sometimes everything has to be a big show when it comes to infants and toddlers. Even the simple act of eating becomes a big song-and-dance production.
Jason is in the big "Hancock" movie, starring Will Smith. He first met Will before the shooting in a little meet-and-greet at Will's house. Jason thinks it was Will's way of determining if he could hang with Jason for 4 months. Dave asks, "Did you sing the "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" thing?" Jason laughs and says he didn't, which I think may have been a good thing.
Will Smith plays "Hancock," a superhero who is not so super. He's got great powers, but he also has a lot of foibles. The drink gets the best of him.
(ed.note: Hancock should check out www.12stepmeeting.com)
His personal life is in a shambles. His attempts at doing good, though successful, tend to have disastrous secondary results. Jason is there to help Hancock improve his image. We see a clip of Hancock coming across a crowd of people concerned about a beached whale. Hancock takes the huge fish . . . mammal . . .. by the tail and hurls it back into the ocean. Unfortunately, it lands right on a sailboat.
I know what you are thinking: were any whales harmed in the shooting of this movie? And yet you same people have no concern for those people in the sailboat. Right?! Think about it.
"Hancock" - it opens on Wednesday, July 2nd.

ACT 4:
Ladies and gentlemen, please won't you welcome Francis Albert Lincoln.
The scrim rises and we see our 16th President, Abraham Lincoln at the podium. FRANCIS ALBERT LINCOLN: "Greetings, my fellow Americans. Lincoln's the name, Francis Albert Lincoln. An opponent of mine once said, 'Mr. Lincoln is two-faced. I said, 'If I were two-faces, I wouldn't be wearing this one.'
And don't get me started on my wife, Mary. She's so ugly, when we moved into the White House, our neighbors chipped in for curtains.
My wife is so ugly, the last time I saw something that looked like her, General Grant was putting a saddle on it.
I tell ya, she's so ugly, John Wilkes Booth approached from behind just so he didn't have to look at her.
It ain't pretty. My wife is so fat, it looks like she's has 13 amendments to her chins. She's so ugly, when I'm in bed with her I feel a lot like Kentucky in the Civil War . . . I don't want to go north and I don't want to go south."

Francis Albert Lincoln then steps from behind the podium and looks to Paul Shaffer. "Hit it, Paul!" he shouts. Francis Albert Lincoln then sings "My Way." It took a note or two to find his way, but once on course, Mr. Lincoln did a splendid job. And here's a fun fact: That song was written by Ulysses S. Anka.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Tomorrow on the Late Show, from "Rescue Me," actor Denis Leary and musical group The Baseball Project.
The Late Show; your only choice when it comes to fine entertainment and rent-to-own merchandise. We'll be right back."

ACT 6:
TERI GARR: The lovely and talented, Ms. Garr. The adorable Teri Garr was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis 25 years ago and then a little over a year ago had a brain aneurysm. The super trouper entered with some assistance from Dave. Dave says he was happy to assist, as it allowed him to grab Teri inappropriately. Teri tells of her recent her recent travails following the aneurysm. Afterwards, she couldn't walk, couldn't talk, and says she's still working on thinking, "although that isn't that important in Hollywood."
She is on her way to a 100% recovery and counts her blessings each and every day. In fact, she says she has so many blessings that she has a woman come in twice a week to count them for her.
Teri recently had a high school social club reunion of the Chanticleers. She got in trouble in high school for sneaking beer into her sleeping bag during a slumber party. (I knew there was something I liked about Teri). Dave mentions "Chanticleers" and says it's another name for a rooster. Teri says it could be true but doesn't know for sure. This rang a bell for me. I sort of recall "chanticleers" coming up in conversation once before on the show. Is it in my database? Let's see . . . .
Nope. I got nothing. But I have one more place I can look. Hold on . . . . .
DING DING DING DING! I found a prior mention of "chanticleers" on the Late Show. See below.

Dave is curious about Teri's history with Elvis Presley. She appeared in many of his films, including "Viva Las Vegas" and "Roustabout." I'm not sure but I think those two Elvis movies involved Elvis wanting girl, almost getting girl, losing girl, and then getting girl. Did anything ever happen between Teri and Elvis? Teri says nothing happened, though Dave isn't so sure that's true. After some more badgering, Teri gives in and says, "All right, all right, Elvis and me, bang bang." So there you have it. I knew it!

Teri is in a new film, entitled, "Expired" which opens Friday here in New York City. And it'll be in your city right after that.

ACT 7:
KEYSHIA COLE: From her CD, "Just Like You," Keyshia Cole performed "Heaven Sent."

And that was our show for Thursday, June 19, 2008.



The prior mention of "chanticleer" on the Late Show, from November 25, 2005, Show #2468.

KYCE #3: Kristin of Montauk, Long Island, now living in Jersey. She's a college grad of Coastal Carolina University in South Carolina. And what is the mascot of Coastal Carolina University? Thinking for a second, Kristin offers, "The Fighting Cocks." What!?! We get a quick reaction shot of the preacher. Me, I know the Cocks are the mascot of the University of South Carolina because in the first home Denise and I bought, it had a Cocks sticker on the refrigerator. Believe me when I say I was very afraid to open the freezer. I was then told their son went to the University of South Carolina, the mascot it the Gamecock, and blah blah blah. Could Coastal Carolina University also be the Cocks?

And then a little later in the Wahoo:

During the commercial break, we found that the mascot of Coastal Carolina University is the chanticleer. And what is a chanticleer? It's a rooster, so I guess Kristin is correct. So when the University of South Carolina play Coastal Carolina University, is that cockfighting?

I wore a short earlier this week that was well received by my fellow workers. I've had it for years, as with all my clothes, and people liked the retro look to it. But now since everyone noticed the shirt, I can't really wear it again for a month. I don't want to overplay it. That's what's wrong with having great clothes; people notice and then you can't repeat. That's why I like to wear shirts that can only really be described as "blue."

I think my computer is taking a siesta. It's Friday, it's beautiful out, and my computer doesn't want to do a thing. The thing is going sooooooooooo sloooooooooow. It's acting like a 286. I'm going to finish this up and get some lunch and try it again later.

Here's a shout-out to a recent dance recital at the Patchogue Theater for the Performing Arts, entitled "Land of a Thousand Dances" performed by the Releve Dance Center, under the direction of June Martino. I am told it was a day of great pleasure. And a special kudos to dancing sensation, Briana Primavera. Grandpa is very proud.

LATE SHOW ALERT! LATE SHOW ALERT! Friday on the Late Show website is the premiere of the Late Show Theme, presented in full-length, performed by Paul Shaffer and the CBS Orchestra, directed by Mr. Jerry Foley. I'm not sure of the website address, but I believe it to be www.lateshow.com/lateshow. Check it out right after you read the Wahoo Gazette.
The Wahoo Gazette - where it's full length every night! SLDSH.

Where's Voorhees?

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
It's her birthday today! Hello, Nancy Spitz
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER