DAVETV If you could look at only one thing on the Internet, DaveTV would be the obvious choice. What other so-called "website" lets you watch LATE SHOW Highlights, Comedy Clips, Slideshows, Stupid Trick clips and The Tony Mendez Show?
TOP TEN LIST You know it, you love it, you can't live without it: the revolutionary comedy bit that won Dave the Nobel Peace Prize. Check out the latest Top Ten List here.
TOP TEN ARCHIVES Old Top Ten Lists never die, they just get archived. The Top Ten Archives is searchable by date and keyword. Also, please note that the word "archives" contains the word "chives."
TOP TEN CONTEST So you think you're as funny as Dave's writers? Or maybe you just enjoy wasting time at work? See if you've got the chops to win a great prize in our weekly Top Ten Contest.
TOP TEN SEARCH Search Results.
TOP TEN SEARCH Search Results.
WAHOO GAZETTE LATE SHOW staffer Mike McIntee gives you a daily show summary and the behind-the-scenes lowdown with his daily Wahoo Gazette. So much juicy inside information that you'll say "Wahoo!"
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Denis Leary; and The Baseball Project. PLUS:Bush Looking for Osama; 119 Channels; Regis on Vacation; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; Mark Odgers Attempts to Jump Over 10 Interns; Late Show Fun Facts; and Will It Float?
“ . . . and now, house painter to the stars . . . . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1:
Once again, on our show tonight is Mark Odgers. He was on last Friday when he jumped over 8 interns. Tonight, he will attempt to leap 10. Don’t turn the channel; there’s nothing on better than this!
President Bush has decided to pull out all the stops in trying to capture Osama bin Laden. When I read this in the newspaper it really made me sick, and Dave seems to be equally annoyed. Dave says this sounds like some kind of campaign gimmick. I don’t get it; you mean Bush is REALLY going to try to catch him now? He’s going to increase the effort? Wrong. The effort should not be able to be increased. It should have been maxed for the past 6+ years. It seems like Bush is concerned Osama will outlast him, as I have somewhat jokingly mentioned here in the past. Anyway, no more fooling, Bush wants to get Osama. We see the official announcement.
Announce: “With only seven months remaining in his term, George W. Bush is more determined than ever to apprehend Osama bin Laden. But in the event that we don’t capture him, the president is also conducting a search for the most hilarious Osama Look-Alikes, with the second runner-up getting a $1,000 gift card to Best Buy . . . the first runner-up getting a brand new Pontiac Vibe . . . . and the winner getting a $100 million contract to perform at the Mirage Casino and Resort in Las Vegas!
‘America’s Next Top Osama Look-Alike’: coming this fall to NBC.”
According to a new survey, the average American home now gets 119 television channels. Says Dave, “If you get 119 channels, why are you watching me?” Dave was checking his own cable plan and found he gets all kinds of channels, many he wasn’t even aware of. We take a look at one that caught his eye.
Black and white logo for Weather Channel Classic.
Test: “February 9, 1956.” Announce: “Looking ahead to Friday, it’s going to be a dilly of a cold one, with temperatures dipping into the teens . . . so you best cover up that bald head of yours, President Eisenhower.
And as always, if you’re going out this weekend, expect a 30% chance of nuclear annihilation.
Now, a word from Chesterfield cigarettes.”
Our good friend Regis Philbin took the day off today. Normally, a guest host fills in when Regis is away, but apparently, since it’s the summer, the producers had trouble finding one. We take a look at a clip from today’s show.
We see Kelly Lee sitting at the table. She speaks to Regis. But Regis is not there. Kelly is all alone, but Kelly pretends that Regis IS there. She’s talking to an empty chair . . . . yeah, I know, but this time it’s literal!
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES Bush: explaining a sophisticated piece of military equipment which you can fly from . . . . a truck!
We visit once again with Mark Odgers out on 53rd Street. Uh oh, the wind is kicking up and dark clouds are approaching. Looks like rain. Will that hamper tonight’s jump?
The protective covering covers the sidewalk to keep it free from the elements. It looks to be a race against time. From what I know about storm clouds, I would say the clouds are just about to pop.
ACT 2:
Before the show, Dave conducted a social experiment. He walked around his dressing room and make-up room with his tie askew. Did anybody say anything? No. Not a one. I was going to fix it for him but figured it was a Union thing.
LATE SHOW FUN FACTS: New fun, new facts, every Friday night!
ACT 3:
And here is the lineup of interns for tonight’s death-defying leap. I wonder just who is doing the death-defying? Is the Mark the jumper, or is it the last person in the line?
1. Holly Valdes - Fairleigh Dickinson University.
2. David Hinojosa – Boston University
3. Zach Smiloivitz – University of Michigan
4. Pamela Ahn – Cornell University
5. Eliot Rahal – DePaul University
6. Ashley LoBue – Boston College
7. Sean Hallarman – Emory University
8. Jessica Snyder – Salisbury University
9. Rebecca Hilton – Univ. of North Carolina Chapel Hill
10. Emma Coleman – Harvard University.
Well, that’s too bad. The weather has gotten the best of us. Shag Crawford has called off the game. There will be no intern-jumping tonight. But we do have videotape from earlier I the day of Mark jumping over the 10 interns during rehearsal. We watch. So instead of watching the jump on TV ‘LIVE’ from 6 hours earlier in the day, we watched the jump on tape from 9 hours earlier in the day.
Nice jump, Mark. Congratulations to you and to the interns.
TOP TEN Signs You Have a Bad Travel Agent – Summer is the time for travel; here are some signs you have a bag travel agent. 6. Instead of the Ritz, you’re staying at the Ratz. Hi-oooooooo! 1. Asks you to deliver a brown paper bag to a guy named Nikoli.
Before going to commercial, Dave says, “And let’s take a look at today’s celebrity birthday: Academy Award nominated actor Danny Aiello turns 75 today.”
The Danny Aiello birthday mention . . . .It was something we sort of had planned with something else. I guess Dave didn’t want to throw this part away. I think it caught a few of us by surprise, but not the control room.
ACT 4: DENIS LEARY: From “Rescue Me” on the FX channel. Denis had something interesting happen to him just the other day. Denis is a meat eater. He loves to eat meat. He’s a full-fledged carnivore. If he were on a plane that went down on a deserted island, he’d be eyeing the fattest guy in the group as a potential meal.
So the other day Denis went out on his Connecticut porch for a smoke. Dave likes the picture of Denis smoking. Denis admits he likes to smoke and makes no bones about it. He asks Dave if he still smokes the cigars. Dave can appreciate a smoke on the porch and says, “If you get the right cigar under the right circumstances, it’s like a 3-week vacation.” Dave is right, and I can remember two of those instances myself; one taking place 3 years ago as my feet dangled in the Delaware River and another time on my back deck 7 years ago. Total peace; total contentment, each accompanied with a cigar.
So, Denis is on his porch with a smoke and suddenly an egg smashes on down. A bird’s egg had fallen from its nest and landed on the porch. The mother bird flies down and hovers over it. And then flies away. Denis says it was the saddest thing he has ever seen. At that very moment he swore off eggs forever. And then he arrived in New York City later that day. He picks up an issue of the New York magazine and on the cover is a photo of a huge sunnyside fried egg. Denis ran out and got himself an egg sandwich immediately. His vow off eggs lasted about 6 hours. Sounds like most men.
Denis is a dad of two, the oldest will soon be off to college. Denis admits that day will be quite emotional. But things were different when Denis went to college. His father dropped him off and left with the words, “Give us a call in a few weeks.” Denis called home three weeks later. His mother was freaked, wondering what had happened to him.
(Hey, kids! This was before cell phones! That’s right; there was a time before cell phones.)
You can see small bits of Denis Leary staring June 24th in mini-sodes of “Rescue Me” on FX. Things on the show got mangled up due to the writes strike. They’ve been scrambling to catch up and will show short mini-episodes of “Rescue Me” on FX and on the internet to keep the momentum going until full episodes are ready to go.
ACT 5: ANNOUNCE: “Monday on the Late Show, Dave is joined by Will Smith; and sportscaster Joe Buck. Let us show you why we should be your full-service bank.
We’ll be right back.”
ACT 6: WILL IT FLOAT? The “Will It Float” board game came out at the same time as Grand Theft Auto 4. “Will It Float” outsold it 20-to-1.
Tonight’s item: A bottle of wine. . . . foreign imported wine.
And tonight we’re playing for a hammock.
Dave and Paul both agree it will float.
The Late Show models drop the bottle of wine into the Will It Float tank and it . . . . . . . SINKS!
And that’s why we play the game.
ACT 7: THE BASEBALL PROJECT: From their soon-to-be released CD, “Volume One: Frozen Ropes and Dying Quails,” The Baseball Project performed “Past Time.”
It’s not every day you hear a song mention Campy Campaneris, Pete Rose, Ray Fosse, Denny McClain, The Dimaggios, Shoeless Joe, Minnie Minoso, Luis Aparicio, Nellie Fox, Joe Pepitone and Oscar Gamble, Rick Wise and Bobby Wine.
And that was our show for Friday June 20, 2008.
I pitched this “joke” for the end of the show:
DAVE – “I apologize to Mark Odgers for his not being able to perform his death-defying leap over 10 interns. We’ll try to have him on earlier in the week.”
Thursday’s show had the annual visit from members of the alt.fan.letterman newsgroup in the audience. It always good when they are here because they’ll remind me of things, like, when it’s my wife’s birthday or our anniversary or if it’s time to get my car inspected. Yeah, they know a lot about the show. Before the show on Thursday, one member of the group who shall go un-named, Don Giller, was nearly arrested at the corner of 53rd and Broadway for being a pain in the ass. As soon as I heard there was trouble, I ate three cookies and enjoyed a cup of coffee, and then eventually ran outside to quell. The poor guy was shaking like a leaf. I thought I would need to throw a blanket over him, but then someone told me that was his normal state.
After the show, the newsgroup crowd taped a piece for the "Tony Mendez Show". I usually hang around to help Tony meet-and-greet the gang, but unfortunately, I had to get home early for my girls final week of basketball. I’m sorry, did I say “unfortunately”?
They always have a thousand questions to ask, most of which I answer with “I dunno” or “Yeah, I guess, but don’t quote me.”
Check out the "Tony Mendez Show" in the coming days for their appearance. And check out the newsgroup. Read what it’s like to attend the LATE SHOW. They just might write about it.
This is how I get to the alt.fan.letterman newsgroup. There are probably other ways, but I’m 50 and I’ll stick to what I know.
1. Google
2. click on Google groups. On my Google page, I have to click on “more” near the top to get to “groups”.
3. at the “search groups” type in “letterman” - click on
4. click on “alt.fan.letterman” under Groups Matching Letterman. You may have to click on “more” first.
5. And you’re in. The group is not monitored so try your best to ignore the threads of unmentionables. And feel free to express your opinions. The group if open to all comments.
Hold it. You mean that after today the days start getting shorter?
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Celebrating the 50th Anniversary of his ordination, from Our Lady of the Sacred Heart in Tappan, New York, it’s Rev. George Torok.
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Denis Leary; and The Baseball Project. PLUS:Bush Looking for Osama; 119 Channels; Regis on Vacation; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; Mark Odgers Attempts to Jump Over 10 Interns; Late Show Fun Facts; and Will It Float?
“ . . . and now, house painter to the stars . . . . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1:
Once again, on our show tonight is Mark Odgers. He was on last Friday when he jumped over 8 interns. Tonight, he will attempt to leap 10. Don’t turn the channel; there’s nothing on better than this!
President Bush has decided to pull out all the stops in trying to capture Osama bin Laden. When I read this in the newspaper it really made me sick, and Dave seems to be equally annoyed. Dave says this sounds like some kind of campaign gimmick. I don’t get it; you mean Bush is REALLY going to try to catch him now? He’s going to increase the effort? Wrong. The effort should not be able to be increased. It should have been maxed for the past 6+ years. It seems like Bush is concerned Osama will outlast him, as I have somewhat jokingly mentioned here in the past. Anyway, no more fooling, Bush wants to get Osama. We see the official announcement.
Announce: “With only seven months remaining in his term, George W. Bush is more determined than ever to apprehend Osama bin Laden. But in the event that we don’t capture him, the president is also conducting a search for the most hilarious Osama Look-Alikes, with the second runner-up getting a $1,000 gift card to Best Buy . . . the first runner-up getting a brand new Pontiac Vibe . . . . and the winner getting a $100 million contract to perform at the Mirage Casino and Resort in Las Vegas!
‘America’s Next Top Osama Look-Alike’: coming this fall to NBC.”
According to a new survey, the average American home now gets 119 television channels. Says Dave, “If you get 119 channels, why are you watching me?” Dave was checking his own cable plan and found he gets all kinds of channels, many he wasn’t even aware of. We take a look at one that caught his eye.
Black and white logo for Weather Channel Classic.
Test: “February 9, 1956.” Announce: “Looking ahead to Friday, it’s going to be a dilly of a cold one, with temperatures dipping into the teens . . . so you best cover up that bald head of yours, President Eisenhower.
And as always, if you’re going out this weekend, expect a 30% chance of nuclear annihilation.
Now, a word from Chesterfield cigarettes.”
Our good friend Regis Philbin took the day off today. Normally, a guest host fills in when Regis is away, but apparently, since it’s the summer, the producers had trouble finding one. We take a look at a clip from today’s show.
We see Kelly Lee sitting at the table. She speaks to Regis. But Regis is not there. Kelly is all alone, but Kelly pretends that Regis IS there. She’s talking to an empty chair . . . . yeah, I know, but this time it’s literal!
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES Bush: explaining a sophisticated piece of military equipment which you can fly from . . . . a truck!
We visit once again with Mark Odgers out on 53rd Street. Uh oh, the wind is kicking up and dark clouds are approaching. Looks like rain. Will that hamper tonight’s jump?
The protective covering covers the sidewalk to keep it free from the elements. It looks to be a race against time. From what I know about storm clouds, I would say the clouds are just about to pop.
ACT 2:
Before the show, Dave conducted a social experiment. He walked around his dressing room and make-up room with his tie askew. Did anybody say anything? No. Not a one. I was going to fix it for him but figured it was a Union thing.
LATE SHOW FUN FACTS: New fun, new facts, every Friday night!
ACT 3:
And here is the lineup of interns for tonight’s death-defying leap. I wonder just who is doing the death-defying? Is the Mark the jumper, or is it the last person in the line?
1. Holly Valdes - Fairleigh Dickinson University.
2. David Hinojosa – Boston University
3. Zach Smiloivitz – University of Michigan
4. Pamela Ahn – Cornell University
5. Eliot Rahal – DePaul University
6. Ashley LoBue – Boston College
7. Sean Hallarman – Emory University
8. Jessica Snyder – Salisbury University
9. Rebecca Hilton – Univ. of North Carolina Chapel Hill
10. Emma Coleman – Harvard University.
Well, that’s too bad. The weather has gotten the best of us. Shag Crawford has called off the game. There will be no intern-jumping tonight. But we do have videotape from earlier I the day of Mark jumping over the 10 interns during rehearsal. We watch. So instead of watching the jump on TV ‘LIVE’ from 6 hours earlier in the day, we watched the jump on tape from 9 hours earlier in the day.
Nice jump, Mark. Congratulations to you and to the interns.
TOP TEN Signs You Have a Bad Travel Agent – Summer is the time for travel; here are some signs you have a bag travel agent. 6. Instead of the Ritz, you’re staying at the Ratz. Hi-oooooooo! 1. Asks you to deliver a brown paper bag to a guy named Nikoli.
Before going to commercial, Dave says, “And let’s take a look at today’s celebrity birthday: Academy Award nominated actor Danny Aiello turns 75 today.”
The Danny Aiello birthday mention . . . .It was something we sort of had planned with something else. I guess Dave didn’t want to throw this part away. I think it caught a few of us by surprise, but not the control room.
ACT 4: DENIS LEARY: From “Rescue Me” on the FX channel. Denis had something interesting happen to him just the other day. Denis is a meat eater. He loves to eat meat. He’s a full-fledged carnivore. If he were on a plane that went down on a deserted island, he’d be eyeing the fattest guy in the group as a potential meal.
So the other day Denis went out on his Connecticut porch for a smoke. Dave likes the picture of Denis smoking. Denis admits he likes to smoke and makes no bones about it. He asks Dave if he still smokes the cigars. Dave can appreciate a smoke on the porch and says, “If you get the right cigar under the right circumstances, it’s like a 3-week vacation.” Dave is right, and I can remember two of those instances myself; one taking place 3 years ago as my feet dangled in the Delaware River and another time on my back deck 7 years ago. Total peace; total contentment, each accompanied with a cigar.
So, Denis is on his porch with a smoke and suddenly an egg smashes on down. A bird’s egg had fallen from its nest and landed on the porch. The mother bird flies down and hovers over it. And then flies away. Denis says it was the saddest thing he has ever seen. At that very moment he swore off eggs forever. And then he arrived in New York City later that day. He picks up an issue of the New York magazine and on the cover is a photo of a huge sunnyside fried egg. Denis ran out and got himself an egg sandwich immediately. His vow off eggs lasted about 6 hours. Sounds like most men.
Denis is a dad of two, the oldest will soon be off to college. Denis admits that day will be quite emotional. But things were different when Denis went to college. His father dropped him off and left with the words, “Give us a call in a few weeks.” Denis called home three weeks later. His mother was freaked, wondering what had happened to him.
(Hey, kids! This was before cell phones! That’s right; there was a time before cell phones.)
You can see small bits of Denis Leary staring June 24th in mini-sodes of “Rescue Me” on FX. Things on the show got mangled up due to the writes strike. They’ve been scrambling to catch up and will show short mini-episodes of “Rescue Me” on FX and on the internet to keep the momentum going until full episodes are ready to go.
ACT 5: ANNOUNCE: “Monday on the Late Show, Dave is joined by Will Smith; and sportscaster Joe Buck. Let us show you why we should be your full-service bank.
We’ll be right back.”
ACT 6: WILL IT FLOAT? The “Will It Float” board game came out at the same time as Grand Theft Auto 4. “Will It Float” outsold it 20-to-1.
Tonight’s item: A bottle of wine. . . . foreign imported wine.
And tonight we’re playing for a hammock.
Dave and Paul both agree it will float.
The Late Show models drop the bottle of wine into the Will It Float tank and it . . . . . . . SINKS!
And that’s why we play the game.
ACT 7: THE BASEBALL PROJECT: From their soon-to-be released CD, “Volume One: Frozen Ropes and Dying Quails,” The Baseball Project performed “Past Time.”
It’s not every day you hear a song mention Campy Campaneris, Pete Rose, Ray Fosse, Denny McClain, The Dimaggios, Shoeless Joe, Minnie Minoso, Luis Aparicio, Nellie Fox, Joe Pepitone and Oscar Gamble, Rick Wise and Bobby Wine.
And that was our show for Friday June 20, 2008.
I pitched this “joke” for the end of the show:
DAVE – “I apologize to Mark Odgers for his not being able to perform his death-defying leap over 10 interns. We’ll try to have him on earlier in the week.”
Thursday’s show had the annual visit from members of the alt.fan.letterman newsgroup in the audience. It always good when they are here because they’ll remind me of things, like, when it’s my wife’s birthday or our anniversary or if it’s time to get my car inspected. Yeah, they know a lot about the show. Before the show on Thursday, one member of the group who shall go un-named, Don Giller, was nearly arrested at the corner of 53rd and Broadway for being a pain in the ass. As soon as I heard there was trouble, I ate three cookies and enjoyed a cup of coffee, and then eventually ran outside to quell. The poor guy was shaking like a leaf. I thought I would need to throw a blanket over him, but then someone told me that was his normal state.
After the show, the newsgroup crowd taped a piece for the "Tony Mendez Show". I usually hang around to help Tony meet-and-greet the gang, but unfortunately, I had to get home early for my girls final week of basketball. I’m sorry, did I say “unfortunately”?
They always have a thousand questions to ask, most of which I answer with “I dunno” or “Yeah, I guess, but don’t quote me.”
Check out the "Tony Mendez Show" in the coming days for their appearance. And check out the newsgroup. Read what it’s like to attend the LATE SHOW. They just might write about it.
This is how I get to the alt.fan.letterman newsgroup. There are probably other ways, but I’m 50 and I’ll stick to what I know.
1. Google
2. click on Google groups. On my Google page, I have to click on “more” near the top to get to “groups”.
3. at the “search groups” type in “letterman” - click on
4. click on “alt.fan.letterman” under Groups Matching Letterman. You may have to click on “more” first.
5. And you’re in. The group is not monitored so try your best to ignore the threads of unmentionables. And feel free to express your opinions. The group if open to all comments.
Hold it. You mean that after today the days start getting shorter?
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Celebrating the 50th Anniversary of his ordination, from Our Lady of the Sacred Heart in Tappan, New York, it’s Rev. George Torok.
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
ACT 1 • Show Open • Dave's Monologue Watch now • America's Next Top Osama bin Laden Look-Alike • Weather Channel Classic • Regis On Vacation • Great Moments in Presidential Speeches
ACT 2 • Late Show Fun Facts
ACT 3 • Top Ten Signs You Have a Bad Travel Agent Read now
