". . . and now, satisfied Delorean owner . . . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
Have you been following the banking crisis? Me neither, but apparently things aren't going so well for those who made millions and billions in the 90s. And now Americans are concerned about the security of their finances, so the government released this message explaining the situation.
Announce:

"Following the collapse of California's IndyMac Bank, many people are wondering about the stability of their own banks. Here's what you need to know: when depositors rapidly withdraw large sums of money, it can create a liquidity crisis, which may lead a bank to be placed into conservatorship by the FDC. Then a bridge bank is established to assume control of assets and secured liabilities, until . . . . ah, screw it.
(panic mode; vt of people running through the streets) Get your money out now, people! Stock up on the jerky and firearms! This is the big one!
This has been Understanding the Bank Crisis."

It's been a hot and humid summer around these parts, with another heat wave rolling in this weekend. Dave recalls the hot and hazy days back in Indianapolis in the old days and the "experts" reacted to the heat much differently back then. Dave shows an old Public Service Announcement he would see back when life was in black and white.
Announcer: (old b&w footage)

"Looking for relief from the summer heat? Here's a tip for when the temperature soars into the 90s: Break open the thermometer and drink the cool, refreshing mercury! Ahhh.
A message from the American Healthy Living Council."

Dave is interrupted by a guy in the audience.
Guy: "Excuse me, Dave! Dave! Excuse me!"
DAVE: "I think someone in the audience has a question. Yes, sir?
Guy: "Yeah, I know during the summer a lot of programs air reruns. Is tonight's show a rerun?"
DAVE: (confused) "Uh. . . . . . no."
Guy: "Seriously, I don't want to waste an hour of my life if this is a rerun, you know what I'm saying? It is a rerun, isn't it?"
DAVE: " . . . . . . .. . yes. Yes, it is."
Guy: "That's what I thought." (looks to his wife) "Let's go, Iris." The guy and his wife exit.

"GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES"
President Bush: " . . . it's just a . . . . . I can't answer question beyond a . . . . . people seem to be . . . . uhhhh . . . . ."

Dave tries to explain the President's knack to start a thought and then change his mind and then start in another direction and then changing his mind over and over again.
Dave says it's like he's on a pier on a hot day looking out into the nice cool water below. The water looks so inviting, so refreshing. He can't help himself so he runs and runs towards the edge of the pier and jumps off. And then just before hitting the water below he realizes he can't swim.

ACT 2:
Dave's boy, Harry, is now 4-and-a-half years old and going to summer camp. Harry was scheduled to go swimming today at the camp for the first time. Dave instructs him to call as soon as he's done to give him a full report. Just before the show, Harry calls Daddy, excitedly out of breath. "Dad, guess what happened at the pool today?! There was a fat man in his underpants!" Harry couldn't have been more cheery about it. Dave wonders if he is getting his money's worth in this camp. I think it is. Seeing something like that can keep the kids giggling till September.

SMALL TOWN NEWS - After Paul and the band open with the Small Town News theme, Dave tells us we aren't doing Small Town News but since we love the theme song so much, we decided to have "P & the B" perform it. What we are doing tonight is something similar. Many people send in Small Town News items, but in addition to that, we get a lot of "I saw this in the newspaper and this guy looks just like Dave." So tonight we decided to do "GUYS WHO LOOK LIKE DAVE."
Some were hits. Some were misses. After the third one, Dave says, "We're only 3 photos into it, but it's obvious they're all goofy looking." Dave easily connects the dots.
My favorites were the hat model from Gimplers and the Wanted Man.

ACT 3:
TOP TEN - Perks of Being an All-Star - and to present tonight's Top Ten list, from your New York Yankees, nine-time All-Star, Derek Jeter.
7. I can re-broadcast games without the express written consent of Major League Baseball.
1. Special "All-Star Cups" vibrate in your pants.

MERYL STREEP: She's in the summer musical blockbuster, "Mamma Mia!" opening this Friday.
Meryl's daughter is also an actress. Dave asked when did it become apparent that her daughter would take a liking to acting. Meryl tries to recall one of her own earlier films. It was during the filming of this movie that her daughter became enamored with the profession. Meryl thinks hard and puts a palm to her head trying to recall the film. The name isn't coming to her, and sighs, "Oh, God." Paul blurts, " . . . with George Burns!" I laughed a good laugh at that.
Wanting to become an actress and being the daughter of Meryl Streep has its upsides and downsides. Of course, it opens a lot of doors, but it also puts you up to a gold standard. Comparisons are inevitable. Both good and bad, Dave simply labels this "The Meryl Factor." A proud Meryl says her daughter just got a rave review in the Wall Street Journal for her performance on Broadway and Meryl is most pleased that no where in the article did it mention that she was the daughter of Meryl Streep.
When did Meryl get into acting and where did she learn her craft? After graduating from Vassar, Meryl attended a theatrical commune in Vermont. Dave asks, "Was it a hippie deal?" Meryl smiles and says, "Yeah." Dave follows, "And was it one of those 'free love' kind of deals?" Over the laughs, Meryl giggles and says, "No, you always had to pay."
"Mamma Mia" - it opens this Friday.

ACT 5:
Announce: "Tomorrow on the Late Show, Dave is joined by Maggie Gyllenhaal; Neil Young; and musical group The Hold Steady.
The Late Show! News you can count on, comedy you won't get anywhere else.
We'll be right back."

ACT 6:
AARON ECKHART: He's in "The Dark Knight" - it opens this Friday. Unfortunately, Aaron isn't allowed to talk about the Batman movie. Can't give anything away. Aaron plays the villain, Harvey Two-Face. I wonder if his character is anything like those NBA commercials I saw during the Finals.
Aaron got some good news this morning. The road at his Montana ranch is getting paved. Ooohhh, first time I've heard "paved" and "good news" in the same sentence.
And there is a big project going on there to help him locate the rattlesnake nests. Somebody, probably a local, attaches a tiny GPS to the back of a rattler and then you track it. What you do after you find where the rattlesnakes live, well, that's up to you. "The Dark Knight" - the guy with the two faces is Aaron. And he's on the cover of this month's Men's Health magazine. He's a bit unhappy the magazine couldn't have airbrushed in a six-pack tummy.

ACT 7:
RANDY TRAVIS: From his new CD, "Around the Bend," the great Randy Travis performed "Dig Two Graves."

And that was our show for Tuesday, July 15, 2008.



Mark it down: July 1st. On July 1st at K-Mart, I saw the first "Back To School" sale of the summer. My girls' last day of school was June 27th.

Did you watch the Major League Baseball All-Star game last night? I watched some of it. I actually made a point to watch the opening ceremony and introductions. I hate this part when it is done at the Super Bowl, because the game is so much more important than the intros and the circus. With the Baseball All-Star, the circus atmosphere is part of the show in this otherwise meaningless game. And as usual, I spent the half hour screaming at the TV because of camera shots and questionable production. Problems:
- When the biggest stars were announced, both the All-Stars and the aged Hall of Famers, the camera took us into the stands to see the crowd applauding the scene below on the field. Guess what? I wanted to see the scene down on the field, too. I didn't want to see the crowd watching the scene down on the field. Is there a more non-descript shot in sports than a crowd applauding? Jeter, A-Rod, Mariano, Yogi, Whitey . . . . let's look at the crowd! Would you rather see Hall of Fames and future Hall of Famers, or would you rather see 75 people from Westchester, Ridgefield, and Yorkville clapping hands?
- George Steinbrenner is driven out onto the field in a golf cart to the adulation from the crowd. The brittle Mr. Steinbrenner delivers 4 baseballs to Goose, Whitey, Yogi, and Reggie for them to throw out the ceremonial first pitch. And what are the baseballs contained? In a brown manila folder. Huh? All the money that was poured into this All-Star game and Steinbrenner has to reach into a plain brown folder for these "precious" baseballs? How about fancying it up to fit the moment. Put the balls in a basket or a Yankee helmet or something. Not in a brown manila folder.
- During the introduction of the starting lineups, the players from each team ran to their position one by one. To greet them at their position were Hall of Famers from that position, some of the greatest living baseball players of all time. But where was Tom Seaver? Where was Sandy Koufax? They made their name in New York and they should have been there! Duke Snider may have been too elderly to make it. I would have liked to have seen the under-appreciated Stan Musial but he's in his late 80s and maybe couldn't make it. Johnny Bench? I'm sure there's more, but why not Tom Seaver? Where's Koufax?
- Alex Rodriguez left the stadium before the end of the game. That's why he'll never by Derek Jeter. The game was played in A-Rod's house. He should have stayed to the end like a good host.
- I missed the ending of the game. I probably could have seen the winning run if I woke an hour earlier for work.

I forgot to mention this yesterday: Congratulations to Team Rahal/Letterman Racing and Ryan Hunter-Reay for their victory July 6th at the Grand Prix at Watkins Glen International Raceway. It was the first IndyCar Series win for Rahal/Letterman in nearly four years.

Budweiser . . . . I'm watching you.

Here's something odd . . . even though Tiger Woods will not be playing in the British Open, he's still the favorite.

I saw something odd in the New York Times on Tuesday in the "For The Record" section. It's where The Times prints corrections and clarifications from earlier editions.
The Times ran an obituary for musician Bill Finnegan and referred incorrectly to his band's unusual instrumentation. The Times wrote the band used two xylophones, when in fact it was a xylophone and a marimba. The error was pointed out in a letter from the band's percussionist, Alan Abel the very next day, June 9th, but the correction was delayed until Tuesday because "his letter went astray at The Times."

His letter went astray? Went astray? It almost sounds as if The Times was blaming the letter for getting lost or misplaced. It wasn't the letter's fault for getting lost; it was a person's fault. It's like blaming something on a "computer error." No, it's not a computer error; it was an error by the programmer or the operator or some other person. Don't blame the computer. Don't blame the letter. "His letter went astray" sounds as if it was the letter's idea to get misplaced. Or am I mistaken about the meaning of the word "astray"?

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Billings, Montana, it's David Palmer
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER