" . . . and now, curious happenstance . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
Monologue:
-"Everyone is in the Thanksgiving spirit. Amy Winehouse switched from Cuervo to Wild Turkey."
-"Sarah Palin is in town. The good news is she was here to enjoy the Thanksgiving parade. The bad news is she shot down the Bullwinkle balloon."

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES
Bush: " . . . . . . I believe . . . government should . . . . incentive . . . people . . . . in the system . . . . ughhhh"

ACT 2:
Hey, how 'bout them Ball State Cardinals! They won again last night to clinch the Mid-American Conference West Division, their first in University history. There is a Bowl game in Ball State's future, but which one? Dave has heard that the Motor City Bowl in Detroit the day after Christmas is ready for them. No offense to the Motor City Bowl, but Dave thinks we can do better than this. Dave is thinking the Orange Bowl, the Rose, the Cotton, the Sugar, the Fiesta Tostitos Chippy Whippy Bowl. And then he offers this match up to the BCS pinheads:
Ball State vs. Alabama.
That's what the BCS should want to do. We've seen everyone else. We've seen the Oklahoma. We've seen the Texas Longhorns. We've seen the Florida Gators. America wants to see the Ball State Cardinals. It's like Rocky! The big underdog coming to the big town and beating the big bully. And if the BCS is looking for a contribution or something, well, Dave can make that happen. He's got it. Let's make this happen.
The Ball State Marching Band sent Dave a clip of their spelling out D A V E on the Scheumann Stadium gridiron. We take a look and can hear Dave under the video, " . . . and what a crowd!" Obviously, this was performed at practice to an empty stadium. And it wasn't too long ago that that's what Saturday afternoons looked like at Scheumann.
And you have to hand it to the Ball State kids. They're just a bunch of farm kids making good. Heck, they practice in a parking lot.
And it's on to Detroit's Ford Field to take on the University of Buffalo Bulls for the MAC crown.

Last week, an astronaut on a spacewalk accidentally let a tool bag drift into space. The astronaut forgot to tether the bag, and naturally, it'll one day make its return to earth. We take a look.
We see a clip of Rachael Ray talking pies or turkey or something. And then in mid-sentence . . . . . BANG! She gets busted in the head with the falling bag of tools. Dave looks over to our executive producer, Ms. Barbara Gaines, who informs Dave that Rachael is OK.

Less than two months remain of the Bush Presidency. We're chronicling this time with a segment called, "President Bush: The Final 100 Days."
Announce:

"November 26, 2008 ---- 54 days left. President Bush spent the day filling out 'change of address' cards to all his golf magazines. This has been 'President Bush: The Final 100 Days."

ACT 3:
TOP TEN: Things You Don't Want To Hear on Thanksgiving
7. "This time next year, I'll be Aunt Roger."
4. "Why is Shecky naked?"

TERI HATCHER
From the "Desperate Housewives." Teri was very excited on November 4th when Barack Obama won the election. She quickly checked her AOL to see all the states Obama had won. She kept clicking and reading and clicking and then she came upon a photo . . . that sort of looked like her. And it was. It was Teri and her friend resting after a jog. The caption under the photo read, "Desperately Needs New Underwear." Her undies were a bit bunched up under her jogging shorts. Yeeesh. Someone was critical of the underthings she wore when jogging. Some people need to find a different hobby or something. And Teri tried her best to forget about it but instead on one of the biggest moments in American history, she was worried about her ass. We see a photo of what she saw on the AOL, just in case we may have missed it.
And then we see more photos of her recent safari in Africa with her daughter. She had heard that the wild animals will attack the smallest in the herd so Teri was sure to bring along a few people small than she and her daughter. We see Teri and her 11-year-old with a cheetah, an elephant, and a giraffe. They are petting the cheetah, Teri is blowing into the trunk of the elephant, and she is kissing the giraffe. Sounds like it gets lonely on a safari. Teri says she had heard that when you blow into the trunk of an elephant . . . . . . I quickly said, "It'll follow you anywhere." Those around me laughed. I then explained that was a 40-year-old reference I first heard on "Rowan and Martin Laugh-In" . . . . . . "blow in my ear and I'll follow you anywhere." Teri takes her daughter on a safari to Africa. I take my girls to the Catskill Game Farm . . . before it closed down.
"Desperate Housewives" - Sunday nights at 9:00 on ABC. Denise always turns off the football game so she can watch it.

ACT 4:
Are you a fan of the MTV show, "The Hills"? It's very successful so we decided we would want to do something like that. We wanted to team up with MTV and produce our own reality show, but with whom? When somebody suggested the stagehands, we knew we had a hit on our hands. We take a look at a trailer for the soon-to-be-on-TV MTV program.
"THE 'HANDS"
-"MTV proudly presents a new reality series about four friends working hard and trying to make their way in the big city. Harold. Pat. Gene. Tommy.
-"Don't miss a moment of the scandal": A middle management stiff enters Harold's office to question him about his overtime. Suit: "Harold, you put in for overtime, but you had an eight o'clock out. That's your normal out time. How is that overtime?" Harold: "I came in early." Suit; "Oohhhhh. Got it."
-"The Fireworks" - Harold approaches Gene. Harold: "I heard you had some people over this weekend." Gene: "It wasn't a party. It was just a get together." Harold: "Whatev, dude. I thought we were BFF."
Gene: "OMG, bro. you gotta chillax. You're making this sitch totes awk."
Harold: "What the 'beep' are you talking about?"
-"The sizzling nightclub life"
Pat: "Hey, look. It's the stagehands from 'Jersey Boys.'"
Tommy: "I wouldn't be caught dead in those outfits."
Gene: "Those thermal-lined Carhartt hoodies are so five minutes ago."
Harold: "Wow, who flipped your bitch switch?" They laugh.
-"And the moment that will change their lives forever." Harold storms into Paul's office. Harold: "Why would you spread rumors that I have a sex tape?" Paul: "It's not really a sex tape if you're having sex with yourself."
-"The romance" - we find Gene, Pat, and Tommy sitting at a bar. Gene: "I hate Harold's new girlfriend." Pat: "Me, too. She's, like, always copping a major 'tude with me."
-Harold sitting at home on his sofa. "The guys think we're wrong for each other, but I don't care. I love you."
-Widen to see Lauren Conrad sitting next to Harold. Lauren: "Who's gonna believe I'm dating you? These shows are so fake." Lauren gets up and storms off.
-"The 'Hands" - Only on MTV.

ACT 5:
Announce: "The Late show is the place to be on Thanksgiving! Join us for Dave's mom, Denis Leary, and musical guest John Mayer with Chris Botti.
Want to avoid spending Thanksgiving with annoying in-laws? Pretend you were stuck in traffic and don't show up! You'll thank me later. We'll be right back."

ACT 6:
LUDACRIS
I'm not sure but it sounded as if Dave and Ludacris will be supping together on Thanksgiving. So, it's true, all the celebrities do know each other and hang out together. To solidify the agreement, D & L bump fist.
Over the summer, Ludacris and Tommy Lee appeared on "Battleground Earth," a ten-episode program on the Planet Green channel, to learn and live Green.
Ludacris didn't know much about solar energy and hybrids and conserving, which was good for the show because the viewers would learn right along with Tommy and Ludacris. Tommy Lee came up with the idea that people should shower together. A shower for 1,000 people was created for a group shower. Sounds like a nightmare high school gym class.

Ludacris has also been busy making movies, appearing in Guy Ritchie's "RocknRolla" and in "Max Payne" opposite Mark Wahlberg. Dave is impressed. Dave claims he can't do one thing good and here is Ludacris making it big in two mediums; music and movies. Me? I can multi-talented in sports. I can watch football AND baseball with the best of them.

ACT 7:
LUDACRIS, WITH SPECIAL GUEST T-PAIN: From Ludacris' CD, "Theater of the Mind," Ludacris and T-Pain performed "One More Drink."

And that was our show for Wednesday, November 26, 2008.



Ball State football is undefeated! It's been a lot of fun following the Cardinals this year. But how did we get here? Here's my little piece of input into Ball State Cardinal football on the Late Show.
September 13, 2000 - Wahoo Gazette:
Dave must have received a last-second memo informing him of his Ball State Fighting Cardinals football team. The team was 0-11 last year (1999) and 1-10 in 1998, their last win coming against Northern Illinois on October 18, 1998. This year they are 0-2. They play Kansas State this Saturday. I just checked the line. Ball State is a 45 point underdog.

I remember seeing that ridiculous 45-point spread in the newspaper. I clipped it out of the newspaper and gave it to one of his assistants. I thought Dave could make some hay out of that. He mentioned it on September 13th and we've kept an eye on the Cardinals ever since.

"Make some hay" --- John Heywood (1546): "When the sunne shinth make hay."

And the final score against the 7th ranked Kansas State Wildcats, September 16, 2000 . . . I hope you picked Kansas State:
Ball State - 0
Kansas State -76.
It was Ball State's 20th-straight loss.
And now 8 years later, they are undefeated at 12-0.
The Kansas State Wildcats this year are 5-7. Their season is over. They are not going to a Bowl game.

Here's something only NBA fans will find interesting to debate over a few beers: Does Greg Oden qualify for Rookie of the Year? And should he?

And now, my Thanksgiving Champagne story . . . or maybe it was Christmas. Growing up, whenever my crowd of friends wanted to celebrate a special occasion we would go out and buy the cheapest champagne we could find. This was Andre champagne. It was about $2.99 a bottle. We would get the Andre Brut dry white champagne and the Andre blush champagne and the Andre Cold Duck. Never having any other champagne, we grew up thinking this is what champagne is supposed to taste like and we learned to like it. We associated success and good times with the taste of Andre. And much to my delight, when I met my future wife Denise and her crowd, they too would do the same. Their special occasions were delighted with the Andre. And we still enjoy it to this day.

Jump ahead a bunch of years.

I was given a bottle of very expensive Dom Perignon champagne. I'm no connoisseur of champagne but I knew it was considered good. So one Thanksgiving I'm at the in-laws and I put the Dom Perignon on the table. Nobody is impressed, which is why I always liked my in-laws. In comes a son-in-law. He tends to be impressed by such things and when he eyes the Dom Perignon, his jaw dropped. I could read his mind, "Dom Perignon? In this house?" He points at the champagne on the table and stammers like Imus, "Wh-wh-wh-where did you get that?" Someone says, "Mike brought it." He says, "Do you know what that is? That's Dom Perignon!" Again, none of us is all that impressed. He pleads, "Can we have some?" So we open the Dom Perignon and pour half glasses for everyone at the table. We sip. Howie the in-law closes his eyes to savor what he has just experienced. He sighs, "Ahhhh, just fabulous." And then Denise and her 3 sisters, without prompting, without thought, each at the same time reply, "Yeah, but it's not Andre."
Howie the in-law got so mad that he stormed out, cursing them the whole way, calling them idiots. Oh, how we laughed.
And again on Thanksgiving we will find Dom Perignon and Andre on the table. And everyone will grab for the Andre.

And that's my Andre Champagne story

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Pearl River, New York, it's Janna Giunta Mancini.
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com